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  1. #1
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    Default What do you do when another random kid deliberately hurts yours?

    As the topic says, what do other parents do in this situation?

    Taking this morning as an example, we were at a park with a bunch of other Mums and toddlers when another boy pushed DS over. I watched him deliberately walk up and shove him with both hands fair and square right in the chest. I didn't see DS do anything to provoke him and I was watching him the whole time (we hadn't been there long). I think they were both walking towards the same piece of playground equipment so the other boy wanted to stop him. DS fell straight backwards and was pretty upset. I think he was just shocked more than anything that this kid would try to hurt him. He was weary of him for the rest of time we were there and wouldn't go anywhere near him. The mother of the other kid did try to get him to apologise etc for a bit. I reckon she was pretty embarrassed. I just sort of said 'It's okay, he'll be alright' but I'm not sure she heard me as DS was crying pretty loudly. I was just focused on trying to calm DS down and check he was okay. The other kid ran off happily and that was that.

    Would you handle this any other way?

  2. #2
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    depending upon the age of the kids, if they are under 3...sounds exactly what i would do.

    The other parent was sorry and attempted to get her child to apologise...right response from her.

    If old than 3, I would hope the other child does apologise...but, there are lots of reasons they might not that are invisible to the eye so sometimes, you have to gauge the parents reaction and if they are sorry and do their best to monitor it, then it is all you can hope for.

    It does happen a lot, that kids will push and shove...it is normal behaviour and all we can do as parents is try and guide them in the right direction and show them by example how to treat others.

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    I think you did the right thing. As the parent of the child who pushed the other child I would have insisted my child appologise to the other one.. they would have sat out for a while.. had they refused to appologise or do what I asked them then I would've taken them home. If they pushed or were rough again they would be taken home.

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    I think it depends on the age of the child. If a little one pushed/hurt my son and their parent wasn't doing anything I would say "no hurting/play nice/we have to share" in a friendly tone and make sure my son was ok. When he pushes other kids I ask him to apologise and to remember how we play with our friends.

    If it is an older child whose parent hasn't seen/said anything I will tell them not to hurt my son and ask my child to play with someone else. My son was pushed down some steps at a playcentre recently by a little boy of around 5 whose mother was watching and just smiled at me stupidly I could not believe it!

  5. #5
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    Thanks for the responses - meant to add DS is almost 2.5 years old and this other little one looked to be about the same age.

    I know this isn't the first time he'll cop a knock or a shove but the way his little face crumbled broke my heart. He was looking at this other kid like 'Why would you do that to me?' and then mentioned it in the car on the way home 'I got hurt!' I'm not one to overdo it with the sympathy nor do I wish to wrap him up in cotton wool but it's a still a tough thing to realize that not everyone is going to be nice to your kid all of the time!

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    I discipline other people's kids all the time. I just say 'hey, play nicely please!' Or 'no pushing that's not nice!'

    They always listen to other adults!

    ETA it's never ok, at any age, to hit/shove/push others.
    Last edited by Ellewood; 04-03-2013 at 11:34.

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  8. #7
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    Aslong as the other child's parent recognises that there child did something wrong and explains to them it wasn't nice/not to do it/apologise or whatever, I'm happy.

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    My son was manhandled at the weekend by a furious mum as he had pushed her daughter . He is 4 , has autism and pushed out of excitement but yes pushed none the less. My husband ran over and said sorry but she snarled at him. I was breastfeeding and my husband had been attending to our 2 year old.

    My issue is do not disapline my child , ill do that that is my job. We always let him know when has done the wrong thing and believe me he has been knocked over and kicked and all sorts . It's a kids play ground and kids like animals play roughly sometimes but it is never ok to shout at or grab a child like this woman did to mine . I was appauled. She was not watching her girl but I saw it all from where i was an she was awful to my son who yes did shove out of excitement and yes it was wrong but he only did it once . We cannot fight all our children's battles for them and kids sometimes go through stages especially boys but it does not mean they are bad kids. We as the grown up should source out the parents and talk to them . My son has never shoved at a playground before but has been shoved and hit and bit too and at preschool he has been rough . I don't agree that it ok but you should never try an discipline someone else's child in my opinion.

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    At 2.5 I would have reacted as you did.

    At 4.5, which my son now is, I will try not to intervene (unless serious or repeated behaviour) as I think that at some point my son needs to learn how to handle these types of incidents himself.

    It is hard not to react though as it is always the first instinct to jump up and protect/defend your child.

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    While I would be upset for my DS if he was pushed which happens to him regularly unfortunately I think the other child's mother acted appropriately by telling her child what they had was wrong and trying to get them to apologise and I would be happy with that outcome whether this child did day sorry or not I know mine will not always say sorry when reprimanded for inappropriate behaviors but he is not quite 2 years old yet.

    ETA: if for some reason I did not see my son push another child I would hope that the other child's parents would ask him to be gentle and that pushing his friends is not a very nice thing to do. I have no issues with someone else reprimanding my child as long as it is done appropriately eg. Screaming or yelling at him is not ok
    Last edited by Ashley595; 04-03-2013 at 13:34.


 

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