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  1. #81
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    I understand where you are coming from OP. I had a similar situation to you, so I looked up my hospitals policy and now call what I experienced a 'crash caesarean'. I felt that I needed a 'label' to capture my unique experience. It happened to me two years ago and it is still in my husband and my mind. For me it was terrifying to be rushed off to theatre and put under a general (they could not find baby's heartbeat). Then to be wheeled to my baby in a humid crib and told that she was mine. How was I to know if they were right? I had a 3d scan done when pregnant and knew her little toe was slightly not right, I looked straight at her toe to confirm that she was mine. Never was I so glad she had a 'defect'. My poor husband had to wait outside on his own. He was not able to watch our baby being born as there was no staff to support him. Poor guy was terrified being left in the hallway on his own. He was so relieved when he heard our baby cry and was told that I was ok. My thoughts are with you xxxx

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    good post...I wonder why hospitals and medical professionals still using those terms? Why non life threatening c-secs are still referred to as emergency?
    We use both. Cat 1-3 is an emergency caesar and the categories further differentiate them. Also the general public doesn't really understand what a cat 2 Caesar is, so it's a lot easier to just say emergency/elective.

    Think of it as 2 people coming into ED with appendicitis at 10pm. One persons has already ruptured and they get rushed for surgery at 11pm. The other persons is just inflamed but needs to come out so they get their's out at 8am the next morning. Both are emergency surgeries and need to happen, and would be booked on the emergency theatre list but have different categories of urgency.
    Last edited by wannawannabe; 01-03-2013 at 20:30.

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  5. #83
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    Some of these stories are just awful

    Hugs to all of you who have endured these horrific circumstances.

    I find comforting though knowing a lot of you have encountered a similar problem, people ignoring the fact you have had a traumatic birth resulting in PTSD. They just don't get it and seems they don't care either.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GM01 View Post
    Miss kitty I actually went to a miracle babies group in Wembley a couple of weeks ago for the first time. I plan to go again in the near future, it was a nice group of ladies indeed. Do you go to a group? If so, which one?

    PPs I did have two sessions with a psychologist when DD was in the NICU, but she wasn't a specialist in birth trauma and perhaps that's why I didn't feel I meshed well with her. It could have also been because I was so focused on DD and the wishing she could come home that the actual birth wasn't really addressed well.

    Thanks for all the support. I totally agree that some phrase which sums up the terror without having to explain further would be great!

    I'm glad that those that have experienced it in the past have in time healed or healed to some extent. Hugs to you all!
    I live too far away from the city to make any of the meets, but just the FB groups really helped. I felt really alone after the birth and through the prem journey - people don't understand unless they've been there and there seems to be this expectation of your baby survived therefore you must be happy. I sobbed all day on his first b'day and it was so comforting to hear that I wasn't the only prem mum to have done this.

    I also found that my trauma had to be pushed aside in order to just get through the days in the NICU. I just needed to get him home and once that happened - I just fell apart.

    That said, he's 16 months old today and I'm doing a lot better, so time does lessen the rawness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    That said, he's 16 months old today and I'm doing a lot better, so time does lessen the rawness.
    and he is just so damn cute. I remember those big blue eyes when he was a prem, and of course he still has them <3

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    and he is just so damn cute. I remember those big blue eyes when he was a prem, and of course he still has them <3
    Naw, thanks lovely xxx

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    hugs OP, and everyone who went through traumatic births

    It's a rough gig.

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    Thank you so much Wannawannabe for taking the time to detail the 4 categories that are not common knowledge to most of us.

    GM01 - Hopefully a term like 'crash CS' might be helpful in expressing the urgency of your experience without needing to go into painful details. I can understand your desire to differentiate. My (I now know as a) Cat2 CS was due to some very unique circumstances but most people assume when I say I needed an emergency that DD got stuck and strangely I feel like I need to explain, even though I really don't want to as they still don't understand anyway!

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    I think one of the other resins they are classes as emergencies is because the surgeries take place in the emergency operating theatre.

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    I did see a counsellor when DS1 was in NICU but to be honest I was still completely overwhelmed and still physically very sick - plus I didn't 'connect' with her at all (looking back, I was in full-on "coping" mode - just trying to do whatever I could for DS, dealing with hormones and trying to express etc). After DS was around 9 months - after his surgery - I finally decided I couldn't continue with the crying jags every day and the nightmares were becoming debilitating and exhausting. This was when I found my psychologist and the first session I walked in and cried for the first half an hour - I couldn't even speak and cried so hard I threw up. She was just so wonderful. Just listened. I realised I needed someone who wasn't involved to just LISTEN. Not say anything, nor ask any stupid questions, just listen and let me tell my story, in full, and to listen compassionately and with respect. She is a specialist in birth trauma so she understood what I had been through and she was also a mother herself, and that was very important to me. I won't lie, it took about six weeks for me to fully unspool my story (and I surprised even myself with how strong the feelings still were - especially the anger - I cut my hands with my fingernails clenching them so tightly) but after the sixth session I had my first untroubled night's sleep since DS was born. While counselling continued for some time after that, it was then that I felt I had finished 'dealing' and started healing. My sister asked me if I regretted not starting counselling earlier but honestly, looking in retrospect, I had to hold things together until DS was on the road to health - I think the fact that I decided to go and see her after DS finally had his surgery which was thankfully a complete success was hugely influential - he was finally on track development-wise (corrected), feeding issues largely resolved etc. Maybe as a mother I couldn't prioritise myself until he was on track? I guess that speaking for me personally, I had to find the right time and the right person before I could engage with it.

    Anyway GM01, I just wanted to tell you that I have written my posts in this thread with great clarity and calm. I have no more anger, grief or sadness in my heart, it is all just part of the story of how my DS was born. He loves hearing the story of the night he was born, of the drama, about the ambulance with its siren waking everyone up at 4am and the roadworks having to stop so we could get him from the 'normal' hospital to the special hospital for tricky babies who were in too much of a hurry to come into the world. He loves looking at the tiny footprints the nurses made for us, and how he just fit in my Dad's cupped hands. We talk about the nurses and doctors who knew how very special he was, who stayed up all night every night to help him when he forgot to breathe and to make sure he would grow up to be my healthy, happy cheeky boy. It is honestly just part of our family's history now And I can think reflectively about how medical language can better reflect the real, lived experiences of the many of us have to deal with difficult, dangerous and terrifying birth experiences. Thanks for starting this thread.
    Last edited by tryingfortwo; 01-03-2013 at 22:24.

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