It sounds like you have a lot to work through when it comes to what you experienced. Any wonder! It sounds like you have an experience that really is something you haven't even begun to deal with and given the situation I'm really not suprised.
It sounds to me like you're looking for somewhere to place the anger and frustration that you're feeling. It's just that when you look at it in a different light the phrase other people use doesn't deserve the anger and trauma. What happened to you does. And finding the appropriate direction to channel that anger is the first step to getting through it. I really do feel for you, it's heartbreaking to me that you're so clearly hurting .
Having other people use a different term isn't going to change what happened to you or how you feel about it. If it was that simple, PTSD wouldn't exist.
I'm so sorry you have had such a horrible experience and the PTSD that understandably followed.
I hope you are seeking some trauma support for your birth. You do sound extremely distressed and affected by it (and any wonder, it sounds so horrific!).
Best of wishes to you and your little bub
OP, it sounds like you not only had a stressful (to put it mildly) labour, but also the added stress of being the parent of a micro prem which is an extremely difficult journey on it's own, even without the birth trauma. I hope you have some counseling, as I think it will help you work through it.
I went through birth trauma too (my ds stopped breathing a minute after birth on my chest and his heart stopped too before they could get him breathing ... he was ok - they got his heart & lungs going quickly, but he had brain swelling, etc as a result ... he's fine now though at age 6). I found birth trauma quite isolating in many ways. People really didn't want to hear the details (and so in your case if you said 'emergency c-section' as the summary of the birth you would love people hearing you to be able to fill in the gaps of what happened without you having to spell it out that you nearly died & so did bubs and it was seriously horrible, etc). I found the in detail telling of my birth story the most distressing thing and maybe that's what you are saying too ... that it's all still so raw & painful that to go through a detailed explanation and then invariably having to answer more questions, etc is just too traumatic. I have good news ... it does get easier. Not quickly, but it does. With time I got my birth story in summary form down pat (seriously, I sat down and worked out what to say when people wanted details) and I would eventually not cry when I shared the story. Maybe 18 months after our ds was born my dh & I thought that we might actually go back for #2 at some point, so by then I would say that I was much more accepting of the whole birth experience. Huge
Same with Any surgery it's either elective and pre booked or emergency not booked gets done ASAP, how urgent it is determines when it's done. But Yerp even if its not life and death it's still classes as emergancy.
GM01, my sincerest sympathies on what you went through to birth your precious wee babe. My son was an emergency c-section at 33 weeks, I know a few 24 and 25 weekers, families I met with in special care and ICU. You and your little one are warriors - I salute you. In the aftermath of my son's birth, especially for the weeks and weeks he was in hospital, I found myself yearning for terms that would stop the questions - and especially for a term that would instantly convey the terror of the birth so people wouldn't say things like "well, it all turned out all right in the end, so you should get over it now". Speaking for my own experience only, I was blessed to find a psychologist specialising in birth trauma, a strong and wise woman who gave me a safe place to let out my anger (people expect you to be sad, they don't expect you to be ANGRY about what happened). Its great to vent - you're right, we need to find - the medical profession needs to find - better words for describing a whole range of experiences (I cannot express in words my pain at having the death in-utero of my longed-for IVF baby at 14 weeks described as a "missed abortion" on the admittance form for my D&C). But most of all I think we need to find a way to talk about the whole range of birth experiences, and to allow women to express the whole complexity of it all - the terror, joy, anger and happiness that "emergencies" (however defined) can provide. We aren't very good at that, as a culture. If your baby lives then it "is all okay". If your baby dies then there is no space at all to talk about it. Either way, the absence of stories - to hear and read about how other women have experienced this, in language that is precise and careful and respectful, can open wounds.
OP. I have a friend currently battling PTSD and she says it is literally like living hell.
I'm not sure what class my section was but I was 31 weeks and on bedrest at a private hospy - had my daily bloods done and the next minute I was in an ambulance on the way to KEMH and my bub was in the world. I had HELLP and bub was growth restricted. I'm thankful to have been able to be awake but I didn't know if he would be ok, or if my husband would make it in time. It was the most frightening day of my life.
Do you have anything to do with the nurture groups or Miracle babies? They can be amazing in offering support.
Miss kitty I actually went to a miracle babies group in Wembley a couple of weeks ago for the first time. I plan to go again in the near future, it was a nice group of ladies indeed. Do you go to a group? If so, which one?
PPs I did have two sessions with a psychologist when DD was in the NICU, but she wasn't a specialist in birth trauma and perhaps that's why I didn't feel I meshed well with her. It could have also been because I was so focused on DD and the wishing she could come home that the actual birth wasn't really addressed well.
Thanks for all the support. I totally agree that some phrase which sums up the terror without having to explain further would be great!
I'm glad that those that have experienced it in the past have in time healed or healed to some extent. Hugs to you all!
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