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  1. #71
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    We give between $100-$300 for wedding gifts, depending on how well we know the couple and what we can afford at the time. That's between the 2 of us.

    for our wedding most single people gave $80-$100.

    on the topic of going to a wedding for a free feed-dh and I have done that before!! The whole family was invited to the wedding of mils friends daughter. It was at a really fancy wedding venue we always wanted to go too.

    was a very weird wedding though, 200 people and they were all friends of the brides parents! The bride and groom had never met most of the guests! To make it even odder, the brides father was working interstate so didn't even come!

    Mil did give them a gift worth about $500 though(she would have paid about $250)

  2. #72
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    If you cannot afford however-much-per-head for your guests, invite less guests or find a cheaper way to feed and seat them. It's poor form, IMO, to be trying to recoup the costs you spend on their meals in the money they give you. The whole idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth tbh.

    The reason, IMO, that you pay for your guests to attend is because you want them in attendance. If you didn't, then why pay for them to attend?

    We'll not be having a proper wedding, but if we did, I would be making sure it was something I could afford, and inviting those who I care dearly about and making it as easy as possible for them to attend. That means making it affordable to them - not making them fork out bucketloads just for "my special day."

    There would be no wishing well. There would be no gift table. I would specifically request that nobody give us anything - other than the pleasure of their company.

    And, to be quite frank, I find it vile that people EXPECT anything more than that of their guests.

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  4. #73
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    $50 is plenty enough. We got $50 per family from most our guest some a little less and only a couple have us any more. We didn't for once think anyone was stingy we actually had the best wedding with great memories we will have forever it wouldn't of been nearly the same if each person wasn't there to celebrate with us which I think is priceless.

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    If you cannot afford however-much-per-head for your guests, invite less guests or find a cheaper way to feed and seat them. It's poor form, IMO, to be trying to recoup the costs you spend on their meals in the money they give you. The whole idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth tbh.

    The reason, IMO, that you pay for your guests to attend is because you want them in attendance. If you didn't, then why pay for them to attend?

    We'll not be having a proper wedding, but if we did, I would be making sure it was something I could afford, and inviting those who I care dearly about and making it as easy as possible for them to attend. That means making it affordable to them - not making them fork out bucketloads just for "my special day."

    There would be no wishing well. There would be no gift table. I would specifically request that nobody give us anything - other than the pleasure of their company.

    And, to be quite frank, I find it vile that people EXPECT anything more than that of their guests.
    Yes, this thread is actually really eye opening for me! I would have been so disappointed if someone didn't come to our wedding simply because they were concerned about affording a gift. Who cares... we just wanted to celebrate with the people we love.

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  8. #75
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    We live pay to pay, travelling a long distance and paying for accommodation would be our limit. We'd give a nice card and a small present (probably a lottery gift pack for a wishing well), it not us being rude, it's us being poor lol.

    Our wedding was small and quite cheap (we made our own bouquets, no photographer, used my uncles car as the bridal car etc.). We only wanted people to show up, we appreciated and loved every gift we got, even opened them on the night and thanked everyone at the time (was heaps of fun, and everyone loved seeing what we got). It was such a busy day, I don't think I would have even noticed if someone didn't get us anything lol

  9. #76
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    I don't think anyone is at all saying that you need to give money you can't afford. What I'm reading and also feel us that its odd that people only choose to give $20 when they buy a $500 dress to wear to the wedding, go partying after the wedding etc. (splashing cash around that obviously screams that they aren't in financial trouble) but to only give $20 then does seem odd considering your a guest to a wedding!!

    I haven't seen any posts about anyone having to give so it puts yourself in financial hardship and if you are close to the bride and groom (which I would suspect given you were invited) then surely they are aware and wouldn't think anything less.

    What you give is an individual thing, what you can afford, how well you know the bride and groom, what sort of wedding is it (1st, 2nd 3rd wedding etc)

    But the bottom line is your vaguest to witness a beautiful event. The bride and groom want you to be there fit it (they may not be able to afford you either) but they push their budget as far as they can to accommodate you. IF you can afford to give them something in return to 1. Help pay your way for the evening and 2. Send them off with a little something then that is lovely.

    As u said, you would never expect someone to pay your way at a restaurant even if it is for their birthday etc so why do that when its a wedding? Its simply etiquette to give a fair amount (no one send anything about extreme sums of money) but simply something towards the cost to have you. Because the bride and groom may very well not be able to afford you but are willing to go into debt to have you on their special day.

    Again if you simply can "only" afford a small sum then that's fine. Nothing wrong with it. But its those who flash their wealth around and then turn up with $20 or nothing at all is what I find odd and rude. $20 wouldn't even cover drinks for the night. If it were me and I can afford it there is no way in hell that I would expect to go to a wedding and give nothing or $20 knowing I can't eat for that little at home, I would simply pay my way and then some (but as I said we can afford that) when I get invited to a wedding I feel absolutely honoured that they would like me their to share their day, but I would never expect them to pay my way not on their special day, no.

    And again I repeat (as I see its necessary to do so in this thread) but if you can not simply afford it then that's one thing. But to be able to and choose not too is rude (I'm talking about those who flash their cash around).

    And yes there is such thing as wedding etiquette and a gift is one.

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  11. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1CrazyMoose View Post
    I don't think anyone is at all saying that you need to give money you can't afford. What I'm reading and also feel us that its odd that people only choose to give $20 when they buy a $500 dress to wear to the wedding, go partying after the wedding etc. (splashing cash around that obviously screams that they aren't in financial trouble) but to only give $20 then does seem odd considering your a guest to a wedding!!

    I haven't seen any posts about anyone having to give so it puts yourself in financial hardship and if you are close to the bride and groom (which I would suspect given you were invited) then surely they are aware and wouldn't think anything less.

    What you give is an individual thing, what you can afford, how well you know the bride and groom, what sort of wedding is it (1st, 2nd 3rd wedding etc)

    But the bottom line is your vaguest to witness a beautiful event. The bride and groom want you to be there fit it (they may not be able to afford you either) but they push their budget as far as they can to accommodate you. IF you can afford to give them something in return to 1. Help pay your way for the evening and 2. Send them off with a little something then that is lovely.

    As u said, you would never expect someone to pay your way at a restaurant even if it is for their birthday etc so why do that when its a wedding? Its simply etiquette to give a fair amount (no one send anything about extreme sums of money) but simply something towards the cost to have you. Because the bride and groom may very well not be able to afford you but are willing to go into debt to have you on their special day.

    Again if you simply can "only" afford a small sum then that's fine. Nothing wrong with it. But its those who flash their wealth around and then turn up with $20 or nothing at all is what I find odd and rude. $20 wouldn't even cover drinks for the night. If it were me and I can afford it there is no way in hell that I would expect to go to a wedding and give nothing or $20 knowing I can't eat for that little at home, I would simply pay my way and then some (but as I said we can afford that) when I get invited to a wedding I feel absolutely honoured that they would like me their to share their day, but I would never expect them to pay my way not on their special day, no.

    And again I repeat (as I see its necessary to do so in this thread) but if you can not simply afford it then that's one thing. But to be able to and choose not too is rude (I'm talking about those who flash their cash around).

    And yes there is such thing as wedding etiquette and a gift is one.
    I think I can see what you're saying now. I just don't know anyone like that. I would imagine that would be pretty unusual?

  12. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1CrazyMoose View Post
    I don't think anyone is at all saying that you need to give money you can't afford. What I'm reading and also feel us that its odd that people only choose to give $20 when they buy a $500 dress to wear to the wedding, go partying after the wedding etc. (splashing cash around that obviously screams that they aren't in financial trouble) but to only give $20 then does seem odd considering your a guest to a wedding!!

    I haven't seen any posts about anyone having to give so it puts yourself in financial hardship and if you are close to the bride and groom (which I would suspect given you were invited) then surely they are aware and wouldn't think anything less.

    What you give is an individual thing, what you can afford, how well you know the bride and groom, what sort of wedding is it (1st, 2nd 3rd wedding etc)

    But the bottom line is your vaguest to witness a beautiful event. The bride and groom want you to be there fit it (they may not be able to afford you either) but they push their budget as far as they can to accommodate you. IF you can afford to give them something in return to 1. Help pay your way for the evening and 2. Send them off with a little something then that is lovely.

    As u said, you would never expect someone to pay your way at a restaurant even if it is for their birthday etc so why do that when its a wedding? Its simply etiquette to give a fair amount (no one send anything about extreme sums of money) but simply something towards the cost to have you. Because the bride and groom may very well not be able to afford you but are willing to go into debt to have you on their special day.

    Again if you simply can "only" afford a small sum then that's fine. Nothing wrong with it. But its those who flash their wealth around and then turn up with $20 or nothing at all is what I find odd and rude. $20 wouldn't even cover drinks for the night. If it were me and I can afford it there is no way in hell that I would expect to go to a wedding and give nothing or $20 knowing I can't eat for that little at home, I would simply pay my way and then some (but as I said we can afford that) when I get invited to a wedding I feel absolutely honoured that they would like me their to share their day, but I would never expect them to pay my way not on their special day, no.

    And again I repeat (as I see its necessary to do so in this thread) but if you can not simply afford it then that's one thing. But to be able to and choose not too is rude (I'm talking about those who flash their cash around).

    And yes there is such thing as wedding etiquette and a gift is one.
    Did you not see the post about getting a government loan to cover wedding costs? Shhh....dont tell the 'tax payers' though.

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  14. #79
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    Why does the gift have to be over a certain amount? $100 for some families would be their weekly food budget and that would be an incredible stretch for those living week to week. My favourite gifts I've received have been handmade. If I marry, I will not expect my guests to give anything - they are guests, not customers. I think give what you can afford, even if it's a written poem.

    For the price the OP has spent I could get myself a nice dress and have a wedding of my own at the registry. That's a small fortune.

  15. #80
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    Why is it the responsibility of the guests to pay the costs of the wedding?? Why have weddings become this money grabbing, demanding exercise?? Drives me nuts. The purpose of a wedding is meant to be having people you care about come and celebrate your special day.... not pay for the wedding for you

    To the OP, I would say no more than $100. You a spending a fortune to go.

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