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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    I'm fairly certain that etiquette is not about dollar value and more about being gracious.
    Yes, this!

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    I'm fairly certain that etiquette is not about dollar value and more about being gracious.
    Obviously people don't understand wedding etiquette. Being gracious also means not giving someone a $20 note as a present or thinking the grace of their presence is enough. I would feel embarrassed going to a wedding empty handed and don't think me just being there is enough, it's unacceptable etiquette. If you can afford flights, accommodation, an outfit you can certainly afford a gift.
    It's not hard to go out and rather than give a $20 note buy a thoughtful gift with it. If they came to my wedding, made an effort and gave gifts, there is no way I'd go with nothing in return. It's rude.
    Wedding etiquette means if you can't afford to give a reasonable amount in cash, you buy a gift instead, that way you can spend less and the sentiment is still there.
    Don't go to a wedding with a $20 note or nothing. People don't have to agree, we obviously have different lives and were brought up differently. In my culture it's offensive.

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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    I also believe in etiquette and there are certain things like weddings that have common etiquette. You don't have to give money if you can't afford it, but a gift is just something you do. Giving someone a $20 gift for their wedding is just rude, Id feel that person didn't care about us and only came for a free night. It doesn't take much to go out and buy a thoughtful gift or give a decent amount of money to start them off in their married life. Its normal etiquette that seems lost on some people. You only get married once, it's an important occasion and is why people spend money on weddings, receptions etc. It's a big deal so I take it seriously when I'm invited to give them something to mark the occasion.
    Huh??

    If someone invites me to their wedding I feel honored and give whatever I can afford. Once that meant I spent $15 on a set of whiskey glasses - because any more than that and it meant my children didn't eat!! 'It doesn't take much to spend a decent amount of money on a gift to start them on their married life' smacks of a life of luxury and indulgence IMO. Not everyone has the luxury of surplus cash.

    Ftr - not everyone 'only gets married once'. Sure when you do it, you HOPE it's gonna be the only time but that's not always the case.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Huh??

    If someone invites me to their wedding I feel honored and give whatever I can afford. Once that meant I spent $15 on a set of whiskey glasses - because any more than that and it meant my children didn't eat!! 'It doesn't take much to spend a decent amount of money on a gift to start them on their married life' smacks of a life of luxury and indulgence IMO. Not everyone has the luxury of surplus cash.

    Ftr - not everyone 'only gets married once'. Sure when you do it, you HOPE it's gonna be the only time but that's not always the case.
    At least you still made the effort and put thought in your gift. I got glasses for my wedding, it's a great gift and I still use them. Whiskey glasses are brilliant and it's good etiquette if you can't afford cash, buy a useful gift (which you did) So you followed etiquette and didn't go empty handed or gave them $15 in cash.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Obviously people don't understand wedding etiquette. Being gracious also means not giving someone a $20 note as a present or thinking the grace of their presence is enough. I would feel embarrassed going to a wedding empty handed and don't think me just being there is enough, it's unacceptable etiquette. If you can afford flights, accommodation, an outfit you can certainly afford a gift.
    It's not hard to go out and rather than give a $20 note buy a thoughtful gift with it. If they came to my wedding, made an effort and gave gifts, there is no way I'd go with nothing in return. It's rude.
    Wedding etiquette means if you can't afford to give a reasonable amount in cash, you buy a gift instead, that way you can spend less and the sentiment is still there.
    Don't go to a wedding with a $20 note or nothing. People don't have to agree, we obviously have different lives and were brought up differently. In my culture it's offensive.
    Next time you should try security at the door. Boot those offensive people before they try to tuck into their free meal.

    I know of many cultures where giving money is customary and none of those
    customs exclude graciousness on the part of the couple being married.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Next time you should try security at the door. Boot those offensive people before they try to tuck into their free meal.

    I know of many cultures where giving money is customary and none of those
    customs exclude graciousness on the part of the couple being married.
    Don't let them get as far as the door to the reception!!! By then they will have already scabbed viewing the ceremony!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Obviously people don't understand wedding etiquette. Being gracious also means not giving someone a $20 note as a present or thinking the grace of their presence is enough. I would feel embarrassed going to a wedding empty handed and don't think me just being there is enough, it's unacceptable etiquette. If you can afford flights, accommodation, an outfit you can certainly afford a gift.
    It's not hard to go out and rather than give a $20 note buy a thoughtful gift with it. If they came to my wedding, made an effort and gave gifts, there is no way I'd go with nothing in return. It's rude.
    Wedding etiquette means if you can't afford to give a reasonable amount in cash, you buy a gift instead, that way you can spend less and the sentiment is still there.
    Don't go to a wedding with a $20 note or nothing. People don't have to agree, we obviously have different lives and were brought up differently. In my culture it's offensive.
    I agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Obviously people don't understand wedding etiquette. Being gracious also means not giving someone a $20 note as a present or thinking the grace of their presence is enough. I would feel embarrassed going to a wedding empty handed and don't think me just being there is enough, it's unacceptable etiquette. If you can afford flights, accommodation, an outfit you can certainly afford a gift.
    It's not hard to go out and rather than give a $20 note buy a thoughtful gift with it. If they came to my wedding, made an effort and gave gifts, there is no way I'd go with nothing in return. It's rude.
    Wedding etiquette means if you can't afford to give a reasonable amount in cash, you buy a gift instead, that way you can spend less and the sentiment is still there.
    Don't go to a wedding with a $20 note or nothing. People don't have to agree, we obviously have different lives and were brought up differently. In my culture it's offensive.
    Yes and I agree with this also. I can see in this thread several don't. But I do believe there is true wedding etiquette. But happy to agree to disagree but I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees my views

  14. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Obviously people don't understand wedding etiquette. Being gracious also means not giving someone a $20 note as a present or thinking the grace of their presence is enough. I would feel embarrassed going to a wedding empty handed and don't think me just being there is enough, it's unacceptable etiquette. If you can afford flights, accommodation, an outfit you can certainly afford a gift.
    It's not hard to go out and rather than give a $20 note buy a thoughtful gift with it. If they came to my wedding, made an effort and gave gifts, there is no way I'd go with nothing in return. It's rude.
    Wedding etiquette means if you can't afford to give a reasonable amount in cash, you buy a gift instead, that way you can spend less and the sentiment is still there.
    Don't go to a wedding with a $20 note or nothing. People don't have to agree, we obviously have different lives and were brought up differently. In my culture it's offensive.
    I never suggested that you turn up empty handed, but the simple fact is you can't give what you don't have. As a bride, if my guest had gone to considerable expense to attend my wedding I had no expectation of receiving a gift and I infact did want them to have a wonderful enjoyable night...on our dime.

    I always give thoughtful gifts when I attend a wedding, or any other celebration, but sometimes I have to get these gifts from the clearance table. I'm sorry if that idea offends your sensibilities but for my situation, that is still a considerable expense (ftr, a gift from me will always be the best wrapped gift on the table ). If I have to travel to attend a wedding, I will probably go on the cheapest flight I could find, stay in the cheapest accommodation, wear an outfit that I already have, but I will be a gracious guest, give the best gift I can afford and the people who know me and love me enough to invite me to share their day would apprecitate that, as I did for those who attended my wedding.




    BTW, The most generous wedding gift I got came from a person who scarcely talks to me and when she does, looks at me as though I am an idiot (she is a friend of my MIL). I appreciated the gift, but would prefer to be acknowledged.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Next time you should try security at the door. Boot those offensive people before they try to tuck into their free meal.

    I know of many cultures where giving money is customary and none of those
    customs exclude graciousness on the part of the couple being married.
    I get your being a smart alec, I guess you don't really accept that people and most people have a difference of opinion of what is good etiquette. You don't need to be rude about it though.
    I won't be getting married again so there won't be a next time, and I have family and friends with the same views on etiquette at weddings so I never had to deal with someone coming empty handed and I would never go empty handed. I think if you do it's just being lazy, rude and shows you don't care enough. Most people can fins a few dollars to spare to go out and buy something. If they can't cause they'll starve fine, if it was a close friend I would know their situation and wouldn't care. But if you drive a fancy car, I know you have money and chose to come with nothing or just put a small note in an envelope, yeah I'd find that rude and uncaring.
    If that's what you do fine, we just obviously have different lives, opinions and our understanding of etiquette is different.

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