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  1. #301
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    The tradition was giving small gifts to help the couple, not giving hundreds. People keep saying this is tradition, but it isn't. The gigantic pomp and ceremony with the huge dress and 10 BM's has only been around 30-40 or so years in western culture. Weddings before that were intimate simple affairs where they wore good clothes but not the wedding dress as we do today. Have a look at our grand and great grand mothers wedding photos and you will see what I mean. A little church service with close family and friends, in Sunday Best.

    I don't think anyone has been nasty. Each side has given their opinions. People have got defensive that others have disagreed with them then called them bullies. I just see a difference of opinion and that's fine...
    Unfortunately that's very different to how my generations have been. My families didn't come from alot but they all wore beautiful gowns that they themselves made and each of their weddings were very much a big celebration. I'm very much Australian, but maybe this is a smaller town tradition? As they all received things like china, etc. I'm talking about all generations leading back well into the 1800's. but again its all been in small towns and maybe that is why??

    We have moved back to a small town and when a wedding occurs its very much town excitement. No one gives little here, its just not done. So perhaps we are talking the difference in 1. Generations, 2. Location, 3. Culture, 4. Wedding style???

    And yes I'm sorry but I have found some posts in here towards others remarkably rude and nasty. Believe me I don't get offended easily and no offence has been shown to me at all, but I sure have noticed it. I just think its time to say give what you think you feel is fair (be that nothing, little, alot, whatever) and let us all just agree to disagree.

    Is quite simple to say that considering the extent of this thread there will not be a time that all agree with an outcome.

  2. #302
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    The tradition was giving small gifts to help the couple, not giving hundreds. People keep saying this is tradition, but it isn't. The gigantic pomp and ceremony with the huge dress and 10 BM's has only been around 30-40 or so years in western culture. Weddings before that were intimate simple affairs where they wore good clothes but not the wedding dress as we do today. Have a look at our grand and great grand mothers wedding photos and you will see what I mean. A little church service with close family and friends, in Sunday Best.

    I don't think anyone has been nasty. Each side has given their opinions. People have got defensive that others have disagreed with them then called them bullies. I just see a difference of opinion and that's fine...
    Sorry just wanted to say it's definitely not limited to western cultures. Have you seen a wedding in Hong Kong? We stayed across the road from a very popular wedding venue in Kowloon and I would guess most weddings were in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

    In Asia it can often be seen that grand weddings being luck. It's not just a western thing.

  3. #303
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    I think some of the opposition has come from the fact these expectations are of other people. If it were a thread about how much people spent on their wedding, I would raise my eye brows that someone would spend tens of thousands on one day. But the couple paid for it, that's entirely their business. But when the topic is about expecting *others* to give and setting expectations and making comments that $20 or $50 are in so many words stingey, well I think that's where the real disagreement has come from.

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    atomicmama  (03-03-2013),Gandalf  (03-03-2013),LaDiDah  (03-03-2013),peanutmonkey  (03-03-2013),SassyMummy  (03-03-2013),Stiflers Mom  (03-03-2013)

  5. #304
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Sorry just wanted to say it's definitely not limited to western cultures. Have you seen a wedding in Hong Kong? We stayed across the road from a very popular wedding venue in Kowloon and I would guess most weddings were in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

    In Asia it can often be seen that grand weddings being luck. It's not just a western thing.
    I more meant that previous to the 50's/60's that most western weddings were very low key. I know Italian and Greek weddings are, and always have been a huge affair.

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    I genuinely feel bullied by buttermilk with regards to her comment that $20 must be from 'the new generation'. What a revolting remark. Yes, from the 'new' generation that don't believe you give to receive and that a wedding is a celebration. What horrible things for me to believe. What a nasty, cheap person I must be. I should probably write some mean spirited letters to all those who attended my wedding to share my joy and had the AUDACITY to not shower me with gifts alongside their well wishes.

  7. #306
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I more meant that previous to the 50's/60's that most western weddings were very low key. I know Italian and Greek weddings are, and always have been a huge affair.
    Yeah but I think times have changed. No one would have lived together before getting married in the 50/60's. The reality is life has changed. I loathe a lot of things about a lot of modern ways these days (because I'm actually old enough to remember weddings without gift registries), but I'm also old enough to realise just because things were done a certain way before doesn't mean they have to be done that way anymore. I don't always like it, but I try and accept it and move on.

    I'm at the stage of life where so many of my friends are separating and divorcing, the idea of a wedding is a bit quaint to me.

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  9. #307
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaDiDah View Post
    I genuinely feel bullied by buttermilk with regards to her comment that $20 must be from 'the new generation'. What a revolting remark. Yes, from the 'new' generation that don't believe you give to receive and that a wedding is a celebration. What horrible things for me to believe. What a nasty, cheap person I must be. I should probably write some mean spirited letters to all those who attended my wedding to share my joy and had the AUDACITY to not shower me with gifts alongside their well wishes.
    I'm sorry I haven't read that post but saying "new generation" doesn't seem very offensive tbh, plus I don't think she has once said you must give to receive, nor do I believe she doesn't see that a wedding is a celebration??

    I'm sorry I just genuinely cannot see how you felt bullied by that? Seems a difference of opinion or perhaps a miss communication? Or heaven above you may have read to much into it perhaps?

    I'm of a new generation and I love that. I wouldn't think someone suggesting me being of the "new generation" with different views any way revolting?

    I have read what I thought was ALL the posts in this thread, but perhaps I must have missed one? I may be getting the wrong end of the stick regarding the comment but given what your post stated I honestly cannot see it as bullying. But hey perhaps as so many often state we must have a difference of opinion on what bullying or revolting means? I guess...


    And yet again I say.. She did say if $20 is all you can afford then fine but perhaps buy a gift for it be more meaningful as usually with wedding gifts/wells $20 is low. That is all.
    Last edited by 1CrazyMoose; 03-03-2013 at 18:47.

  10. #308
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    All these years later I remember the people that couldn't make it, not the cost of the gifts. My brother missed my wedding due to work and I really missed him. If he had skipped it because he couldn't get there and get me an "appropriate" gift I would have felt absolutely awful.
    I think it's a lovely thought to set people up for their future, if I was wealthy I'd be happy to contribute hundreds. I didn't get that though (what I did get was awesome, and I'm very grateful ), and I can't afford to give it to others either.

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  12. #309
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    It made me feel as though I was being judged because of the amount I may choose to give and it's all because I'm part of the new (implied as clearly selfish) generation. I don't feel it's a generation thing at all and I resent the implication.

  13. #310
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaDiDah View Post
    It made me feel as though I was being judged because of the amount I may choose to give and it's all because I'm part of the new (implied as clearly selfish) generation. I don't feel it's a generation thing at all and I resent the implication.
    Ok fair enough. But I guess as long as you feel comfortable with how you choose to give then I guess it doesn't really matter?? I definitely think as generations have changed things have changed. Its just the way life is. Once man and woman didn't live together and the gifts etc were to help set up the home the two were about to share, these days more so to help them through their life a little as they generally already live together. So I guess generations have changed. I don't think ones any better then the other really. Its just different

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