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  1. #291
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    It's wrong for a bride to dictate what gift she will receive for a wedding (or bridal shower). It's also rude to be a tight@r$e guest. On average I would consider $20 to be pretty cheap... Unless that person was in exceptional circumstances (on a pretty low income). If a guest at my wedding didn't have much $$ I would rather they enjoy themselves and not give me anything.

    I say now I'd like to judge the genuine tight@r$es but in reality, years later I can't remember who have what at my wedding. I remember who was good company and who wasn't.

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  3. #292
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Why would anyone do that? It's pretty common knowledge to give more than that at a wedding. I mean who does that? I don't give anyone a $20note for anything let alone a wedding.
    The only issue I see in this thread is people don't want to part with their cash and resent anyone who dares a wishing well. And you show resentment by blaming them, how dare they expect anything from you?
    Geesh.

    Even suggesting because you didn't means you got married for the "right reasons" ??
    Talk about being gracious, that extends to giving aswell.
    Maybe I hang with strange people but I didn't think this was common knowledge? My friends and (most) of my family are down to earth, low maintenence people and I love them for that. Your comment 'not wanting to part with their cash' sounds really materialistic. I've been with my husband for 17 years, married 11. We spent 5k including the honeymoon. People gave no more than $50, some guests gave 2nd hand items they had never used bc they were single mums. Yep 2nd hand... I still use the fruit bowl 11 years later.

    I'm sure that all has you cringing, but I loved my wedding and I love our life. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I believe weddings are legally coming together with the love of your life. Not sitting there counting money in cards, and having your nose out of joint bc someone was 'too stingey' and only gave you 20 bucks.
    Last edited by delirium; 03-03-2013 at 16:51.

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  5. #293
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    It's wrong for a bride to dictate what gift she will receive for a wedding (or bridal shower). It's also rude to be a tight@r$e guest. On average I would consider $20 to be pretty cheap... Unless that person was in exceptional circumstances (on a pretty low income). If a guest at my wedding didn't have much $$ I would rather they enjoy themselves and not give me anything.

    I say now I'd like to judge the genuine tight@r$es but in reality, years later I can't remember who have what at my wedding. I remember who was good company and who wasn't.
    I think the problem is that people can sometimes assume that people are being tight ar$e$ when you really can't 100% know people's circumstances. So whilst you may think they are being tight, perhaps they are struggling big time financially and you just don't know that?

    Agree with you about the company though. I remember that the gift that really meant a lot to me at my wedding was a photo collage a friend of mine made of DH and I. It was on a piece of cardboard in a frame and he didn't have much money at the time and I absolutely adore it, 5 years on it still has pride of place on our loungeroom wall

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  7. #294
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    I just thanks heavens for my amazing friends and family.

    We're all generous and open with each other and noone keeps a tab.

    Weddings, coffee, birthdays, dinner, drinks. None of them are totted up. Because that's not what celebrations and catch ups are about.

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  9. #295
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Why would anyone do that? It's pretty common knowledge to give more than that at a wedding. I mean who does that? I don't give anyone a $20note for anything let alone a wedding.
    The only issue I see in this thread is people don't want to part with their cash and resent anyone who dares a wishing well. And you show resentment by blaming them, how dare they expect anything from you?
    Geesh.

    Even suggesting because you didn't means you got married for the "right reasons" ??
    Talk about being gracious, that extends to giving aswell.
    Is it common knowledge? It has nothing to do with not wanting to part with your cash. the last wishing well we gave $350, because we can afford it. It's not uncommon these days for someone to be down to their last $20, that $20 given at a wedding could clean out their bank account for a few days.

    I just find it quite sad that there has to be a figure on a gift given at a wedding, to make you a worthwhile guest.

    I dont resent anyone who has a wishing well, i just feel people feel often they have to give more than they can afford a lot of the time. Personally i can't think of anything worse than a pile of cold hard cash as a reminder of my wedding, i'd rather an old ashtray or a vase someone gave me that holds a memory. I hate that weddings are so much about gifts.

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  11. #296
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    Buttermilk I have nothing against wishing wells and think its ideal In this day n age when couples already live together and have everything, my concern at this particular on the cheap function was the wishing well was the main feature. Nothing wrong with cheap either but if your gonna put a massive wishing well as your feature its a bit cheeky and puts pressure on guests to contribute, it should be optional.

  12. #297
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I think the problem is that people can sometimes assume that people are being tight ar$e$ when you really can't 100% know people's circumstances. So whilst you may think they are being tight, perhaps they are struggling big time financially and you just don't know that?

    Agree with you about the company though. I remember that the gift that really meant a lot to me at my wedding was a photo collage a friend of mine made of DH and I. It was on a piece of cardboard in a frame and he didn't have much money at the time and I absolutely adore it, 5 years on it still has pride of place on our loungeroom wall
    very good points how can you ever really know what someone can afford. Its pretty sad, judging a person by how much they give you for a wedding present.

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  14. #298
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    Btw I mentioned earlier we intend to having a wishing well but it will be in a more discrete location and I would prefer anonymous and definitely optional. Entirely up to the guests. I just want everyone to have an awesome time as it should be a celebration and a chance for families to mingle not a cash grab.

  15. #299
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    Buttermilk has not said $20 is not enough, she simply said if you can only afford $20 be thoughtful in the sense to go and purchase a useful gift (for that value) she hasn't said anything about being greedy.

    I'm disgusted by the level of people getting nickers in their knots simply because others have a difference of opinion.

    I share the same views as buttermilk but seriously ladies lets be mature about this? If you agree, you agree. If you don't then fine have your day and move on!

    Geez, looking back to a similar thread on the hub 5 years ago it was completely different. Everyone were suggesting $100+ and most had the view point that buttermilk has been trying to put across. I bet if this thread was started in another few months the amount will be different yet again

    There is no expectation on what gifts/value is given. But there is general ettiquette (which can be found everywhere by simply googling) if that doesn't sit well with you then fine!! Simply don't call people greedy, insensitive, nasty, cash grabbers etc if they have the view of giving someone something substantial for their wedding day... Simple really!!

    I have always always known that on a wedding day you give the couple something to start their life off with. Its simply been around for centuries, obviously for some they have a different opinion today but others still carry that tradition, even if not married themselves they still pay it forward to the couple.

    I think instead of getting all nasty, why not step back and see the difference if opinion and take something positive away from it. Like maybe some weddings are still very traditional and others a little new age and roll with that.

    And for what its worth I share the same views as buttermilk and others in this thread. I also mentioned that we weren't able to afford much more then $20. So instead of giving $20 which seemed to me very little, we chose to use that money and buy a fruit tree (as I posted before) and give them a small money tree and one that would grow and produce fruit for the home. This is what buttermilk has been saying all along, if you can't afford more then $20 simply buy a gift (whiskey glasses, a tree, tea towels, etc) showing you being thoughtful. Its really not that hard.
    Last edited by 1CrazyMoose; 03-03-2013 at 17:43.

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  17. #300
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    The tradition was giving small gifts to help the couple, not giving hundreds. People keep saying this is tradition, but it isn't. The gigantic pomp and ceremony with the huge dress and 10 BM's has only been around 30-40 or so years in western culture. Weddings before that were intimate simple affairs where they wore good clothes but not the wedding dress as we do today. Have a look at our grand and great grand mothers wedding photos and you will see what I mean. A little church service with close family and friends, in Sunday Best.

    I don't think anyone has been nasty. Each side has given their opinions. People have got defensive that others have disagreed with them then called them bullies. I just see a difference of opinion and that's fine...

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