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  1. #251
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    All of this greed and gift grabbing expectations make me very confident in my choice to elope. I think some people forget the real meaning of your wedding day, marriage. Not presents and cash and a gift registry. So sad. Some friends of ours had a wishing well at both their engagement party and wedding, left a bad taste in my mouth! The bride also had a bridal shower. But each to their own.

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  3. #252
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    ^ditto. I like this thread as it has been a lesson in what not to do.

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  5. #253
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    And if attending already costs money so your budget has already been stretched to attend, what kind of friend if you called them and said "hey attending is already going to be a stretch for me, I can either just give you the cash that attending will cost me OR I'll come and I can't afford a gift" would say "I'll take the money thanks"

    Seriously if anyone ever invited me to something expecting a large sum of money in return then I'd rather they tell me up front so I simply wouldn't attend. If they didn't actually invite me because they wanted me there I'd rather not go.

    OR if they can't afford a big fancy wedding with $$$ to per head, I'd not at all object to if it was at a restaurant or something and I pay for my own meal and drinks, so I could spend according to my own budget.

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  7. #254
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    That said in an ideal world I'd LOVE to give an exxy gift.

  8. #255
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boobycino View Post

    OR if they can't afford a big fancy wedding with $$$ to per head, I'd not at all object to if it was at a restaurant or something and I pay for my own meal and drinks, so I could spend according to my own budget.
    I was just about to say this, I recently went to a friends wedding and their reception was at the local tavern and each of the guests paid for their own meals and drinks. Perfectly ok with me, I was happy they were able to celebrate with their friends even though they couldn't afford to pay for the reception themselves.

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  10. #256
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    I am thinking that this thread has gone completely left field to what the op asked.

    In all reality each couple, family, cultural traditions are different. Each guest is also different.

    If a couple has a wishing well, it is something they have there for the convenience and ease of the guests. Most people who get married these days already love together and have all of the essentials and household items they need. The tradition of a wedding was to "set the couple up" as a pp has mentioned. Now when you get married it is almost like a requirement to do something. We had people calling us and asking about the gift registry (we didn't have one, we didn't want gifts as we had everything we needed). We said as much and this came as a shock, especially to the older traditional generations.

    It was then it was told to us to do the well so our guests had something that they could give us a gift through.

    From what i have read, there is alot of people judging these couples who have the wishing well. Have you thought that maybe they have done it as they see expected to do something in order to receive something from their guests, perhaps they didn't want anything???

    At the end of the day, give if you want to give, give what you can afford.

  11. #257
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    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin275 View Post

    From what i have read, there is alot of people judging these couples who have the wishing well. Have you thought that maybe they have done it as they see expected to do something in order to receive something from their guests, perhaps they didn't want anything???

    At the end of the day, give if you want to give, give what you can afford.
    I do agree with this and I don't have any problem with people having a wishing well. It's when people comment that a certain amount is not enough etc that doesn't sit right with me.

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  13. #258
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I would be interested to know what certain people would do if a large amount of their friends were single income families living week to week. Would they expect them to either not come because they cannot cover their 'worth' at the wedding?

    Also, how am I supposed to know how much it costs to 'cover' me and DP at the upcoming wedding we attend? I haven't yet attended and we haven't been informed of the budget lol. Do we overestimate and give $200?

    It seems like madness to me. I would never attend a wedding with nothing as a guest, but it seems rather sad that people have expectations on what they should give when we have no idea of their financial situation. I would much rather have my friends there and get nothing than miss out.
    I think that's one of the key issues that you just don't know someone's situation.

    I also think its celebrity culture that has influenced these huge and expensive weddings. I read somewhere that the average cost of a wedding is 35k plus... To me that's insane.
    Also people go into debt or spend all their savings on a wedding thus the whole "expecting money" thing.
    The meaning of marriage has been lost somewhere between New Idea and MTV.

    People need to have some perspective and start living more humble lives.

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  15. #259
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    Oh for goodness sake did you even read my post. They are no different to me.
    I read your post and yeah they are different.
    Quote Originally Posted by LaDiDah View Post
    But why has it become common knowledge to give more than that? Why, all of a sudden, is it an expectation that you must give a large amount of money? I don't resent anyone having a wishing well and I'm happy to put in $20 or whatever but it shouldn't be an expectation.
    It hasn't just become common knowledge and not of all a sudden! Not giving money at weddings or giving $20 certainly is new though, must be the new generation thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by chances View Post
    Lol one thing that I found rather rude was a group of about 30 people were at a public park obviously celebrating a wedding on the cheap, there were next to no food and a few bottles of wine and limited decorations and clearly no entertainment. It looked like a light supper and a few drinks.
    What I found interesting was there was a huge wishing well plonked as the main attraction, it looked so big I commented to my fiancé it appears to have cost more than the wedding itself!
    I was dumbfounded as to how this couple who were not even in correct wedding outfits, had the cheek to expect cash donations to a wedding costing less than $500!?!
    So there is a minimum people have to spend on their wedding to get a gift or have a wishing well?
    Quote Originally Posted by Gracie's Mum View Post
    All of this greed and gift grabbing expectations make me very confident in my choice to elope. I think some people forget the real meaning of your wedding day, marriage. Not presents and cash and a gift registry. So sad. Some friends of ours had a wishing well at both their engagement party and wedding, left a bad taste in my mouth! The bride also had a bridal shower. But each to their own.
    Many people who spent money on their weddings and received gifts have a great long lasting marriage. It is your pompous assumption they forget why they are getting married.

    Everyone here just seems very judgmental. Do you tell the bride and groom how you feel about wishing wells? Or do you still go and whisper about it later? Do you tell those "friends" they're greedy and selfish and doing it for the wrong reasons based on what they do for their wedding? I doubt it. Too many assumptions and name calling in this thread. I feel sorry for the people who invite you thinking you're their friends. Oh but wait, you are not talking about your friends, just those 'other' people

  16. #260
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    I read your post and yeah they are different.

    Everyone here just seems very judgmental.
    Do you not realise how judgemental you sound when saying $20 in a wishing well is not enough?

    And to you they are different. To me, not so much, they are both celebrations TO ME and this is how I feel about them


    I think this is going around in circles and points are getting missed. I have no probelm whatsoever with wishing wells or gift registries. I just don't like that some people expect a certain amount spent or given etc. You never know the full extent of people's financial situation and I would hate for anyone to feel bad that they didnt spend enough... cos for me, any amount at all, even $0, is enough
    Last edited by peanutmonkey; 03-03-2013 at 15:30.

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