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  1. #241
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    I think if people are trying to recoup some of their expenses, perhaps they should have looked into a cheaper option rather than expect others to pay for their place in the wedding. Your good friends could be living hand to mouth for all anybody knows. Personally I would rather have my friends there and give me nothing than feel obliged to give me something.

    I do give gifts at weddings, baby showers etc but I give what I think what they will like. I have no idea how much it costs them to seat DP and I and if they think I am giving them something to the value of a few hundred dollars because they chose expensive food they've got another thing coming.

    i am so, so grateful that my friends are not materialistic in the least. It's all rather gross.

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  3. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think if people are trying to recoup some of their expenses, perhaps they should have looked into a cheaper option rather than expect others to pay for their place in the wedding. Your good friends could be living hand to mouth for all anybody knows. Personally I would rather have my friends there and give me nothing than feel obliged to give me something.

    I do give gifts at weddings, baby showers etc but I give what I think what they will like. I have no idea how much it costs them to seat DP and I and if they think I am giving them something to the value of a few hundred dollars because they chose expensive food they've got another thing coming.

    i am so, so grateful that my friends are not materialistic in the least. It's all rather gross.
    I was just about to say something along these very lines.

    I don't ever expect gifts, be it at our engagement, wedding, birthdays, baby shower etc. I was brought up to believe that gifts shouldn't be expected, and if I thought someone was giving a certain amount of money or spending a certain amount on a present because it's what they think is expected I would feel terrible.

    I do buy people gifts and give at weddings, birthdays, baby showers etc. But because I want to, and I love to buy gifts not because it's expected of me.

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  5. #243
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    If you specify on your invites NO GIFTS and if you must please donate to so and so charity, I can totaly respect that.
    Otherwise you know you will get gifts because people give gifts, therefore expecting it.

  6. #244
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    If you specify on your invites NO GIFTS and if you must please donate to so and so charity, I can totaly respect that.
    Otherwise you know you will get gifts because people give gifts, therefore expecting it.
    Sorry, no, that is not always the case. It's my birthday next week and we're going out to dinner with friends. I do not expect any gifts and would be completely 100% happy if I did not get a single gift for my birthday, including from my husband and family. Last year most didn't buy gifts and we had a lovely dinner. Of course I do appreciate the gifts I was givenbut I certainly don't expect them.

  7. #245
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    Who's talking about birthdays? A birthday is not a wedding!!!

  8. #246
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Who's talking about birthdays? A birthday is not a wedding!!!
    Oh for goodness sake did you even read my post. They are no different to me. An occasion to be celebrated. If someone wants to buy a $5 present, fantastic, if they want to buy a $100 present that's their choice. If they cannot afford or do not wish to buy a present that's fine also. My point is that in my opinion, gifts shouldn't be expected and should always be appreciated regardless of how muh they cost etc and the givers choice

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  10. #247
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Why would anyone do that? It's pretty common knowledge to give more than that at a wedding. I mean who does that? I don't give anyone a $20note for anything let alone a wedding.
    The only issue I see in this thread is people don't want to part with their cash and resent anyone who dares a wishing well. And you show resentment by blaming them, how dare they expect anything from you?
    Geesh.

    Even suggesting because you didn't means you got married for the "right reasons" ??
    Talk about being gracious, that extends to giving aswell.
    But why has it become common knowledge to give more than that? Why, all of a sudden, is it an expectation that you must give a large amount of money? I don't resent anyone having a wishing well and I'm happy to put in $20 or whatever but it shouldn't be an expectation. I certainly don't have that expectation, its not how I was raised. You don't invite people to things or give gifts based on the assumption that you will get things in return. We put on our invites that we didn't expect presents, yes some people still gave us something and I thanked them but the majority didn't and to be honest I never even considered that I should be EXPECTING them to.

    I never suggested that people didn't get married for the right reasons - it's none of my business what their reasons were and I assume it's because they were very much in love and wanted to make that commitment in front of family and friends.

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  12. #248
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    Oh for goodness sake did you even read my post. They are no different to me. An occasion to be celebrated. If someone wants to buy a $5 present, fantastic, if they want to buy a $100 present that's their choice. If they cannot afford or do not wish to buy a present that's fine also. My point is that in my opinion, gifts shouldn't be expected and should always be appreciated regardless of how muh they cost etc and the givers choice
    Plus they have turned up to celebrate with you and that, in itself, is their gift to you.

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  14. #249
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaDiDah View Post
    Plus they have turned up to celebrate with you and that, in itself, is their gift to you.
    Exactly!!

  15. #250
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    I would be interested to know what certain people would do if a large amount of their friends were single income families living week to week. Would they expect them to either not come because they cannot cover their 'worth' at the wedding?

    Also, how am I supposed to know how much it costs to 'cover' me and DP at the upcoming wedding we attend? I haven't yet attended and we haven't been informed of the budget lol. Do we overestimate and give $200?

    It seems like madness to me. I would never attend a wedding with nothing as a guest, but it seems rather sad that people have expectations on what they should give when we have no idea of their financial situation. I would much rather have my friends there and get nothing than miss out.

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