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  1. #201
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Those who had a kitchen tea...did you already have things for your kitchen? Were you living with your husband before marriage?

    I have a friend who had a kitchen tea. She already lived with her partner in a house they bought. I think that was a bit gift grabbing.
    I was 22 and lived at home. I needed everything to set up house.
    I also have friends who already lived together and still had one, but I think it's fine. I've had my own place for that long and still need stuff.
    But I think brides do it because it's fun. I don't think the gifts matter, you aren't suppose to get anything exy anyway. It's one of those things that made the wedding impending real, we all got very excited at that point because family started arriving from interstate o/s and it starts the wedding fever.
    Its all fun.

  2. #202
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    The last wedding we went to, we gave $50.

    This was because we had just (less than a month before) wiped our savings moving into our first home we purchased and it was what we could afford on top of - 2 nights accom, meals while away, petrol for quite a big drive (with a child who hates the car - Canb to Newcastle), time off work (i was a contractor so not paid for the day needed off work) and a cheap but nice dress I could wear since none of my pre baby wedding suitable outfits fitted anymore.

    If I could have afforded $100 or even $150 I think that's a good/reasonable amount to give but like I said, we couldn't at the time but know our presence was appreciated.

  3. #203
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1CrazyMoose View Post
    I don't think anyone is at all saying that you need to give money you can't afford. What I'm reading and also feel us that its odd that people only choose to give $20 when they buy a $500 dress to wear to the wedding, go partying after the wedding etc. (splashing cash around that obviously screams that they aren't in financial trouble) but to only give $20 then does seem odd considering your a guest to a wedding!!

    I haven't seen any posts about anyone having to give so it puts yourself in financial hardship and if you are close to the bride and groom (which I would suspect given you were invited) then surely they are aware and wouldn't think anything less.

    What you give is an individual thing, what you can afford, how well you know the bride and groom, what sort of wedding is it (1st, 2nd 3rd wedding etc)

    But the bottom line is your vaguest to witness a beautiful event. The bride and groom want you to be there fit it (they may not be able to afford you either) but they push their budget as far as they can to accommodate you. IF you can afford to give them something in return to 1. Help pay your way for the evening and 2. Send them off with a little something then that is lovely.

    As u said, you would never expect someone to pay your way at a restaurant even if it is for their birthday etc so why do that when its a wedding? Its simply etiquette to give a fair amount (no one send anything about extreme sums of money) but simply something towards the cost to have you. Because the bride and groom may very well not be able to afford you but are willing to go into debt to have you on their special day.

    Again if you simply can "only" afford a small sum then that's fine. Nothing wrong with it. But its those who flash their wealth around and then turn up with $20 or nothing at all is what I find odd and rude. $20 wouldn't even cover drinks for the night. If it were me and I can afford it there is no way in hell that I would expect to go to a wedding and give nothing or $20 knowing I can't eat for that little at home, I would simply pay my way and then some (but as I said we can afford that) when I get invited to a wedding I feel absolutely honoured that they would like me their to share their day, but I would never expect them to pay my way not on their special day, no.

    And again I repeat (as I see its necessary to do so in this thread) but if you can not simply afford it then that's one thing. But to be able to and choose not too is rude (I'm talking about those who flash their cash around).

    And yes there is such thing as wedding etiquette and a gift is one.
    Very well said

  4. #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    Who said we all expect that? I don't care if I got $20 Or $50 which is what I did get from some of our lovely guests. I was happy they attended. Not everyone expects heaps of money in return so you shouldn't jump to conclusions that we ALL have these expectations. It's our family and our tradition and we wish to do it. If I have friends attend my wedding or birthdays ect I would expect them to give a gift they can afford not to pay for their attendance to MY wedding I happily had paid for already in advance.
    Well obviously I wasn't talking about you then.

    I was talking about people who expect it. Some people in this thread have said they don't expect it, because they understand that saying "I expect money!" makes them sound like jerks... but they do basically hint that yes, a large sum of money is expected as a gift... or else they'll consider their guests rude.

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    Honestly last wedding I went to cost me several hundred dollars to attend as a brides maid, as I was travelling interstate with a nearly 3 year old, all up flights, train travel, hair, make up, dress, jaspers shirt, additional expenses of not being at home etc etc etc probably cost me nearly $1k (I also was a little afraid to ever actuslly tally it all up, I didn't want to know what it cost) so I didn't give a gift at all. It was a huge struggle financially to have gone at all, though thankfully I had 18 months to prepare.

    Although I did iron a bazillion table runners and chair ties, I got down on the floor and helped unscrew, move and re screw the dance floor because the bride wanted it moved AND squished the most hideous spider I've ever seen in my life because it took a run at the bride - while 4.5 months pregnant - so I think I contributed plenty to that wedding. Lol.

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    Each to their own, I detest wishing wells. People always feel compelled to give more than they can afford. Plus sometimes people might want to make something or have a sentimental gift in mind. I personally hate the poems that go with the invites.

    I also agree with pp, if you have a wedding and ask people to be part if it, I personally think its your responsibility to dress them and not ask them to pay for anything.

    Horses for courses.

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  8. #207
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    We received $100 from my single friends and over $200 from families, some gave 300-500! We made almost 10k in money and we only had 100 people. I would feel really really bad giving $50 for me and dh attending because I feel I have to give what I received. One friend didn't even invite me because she had a small wedding with close family/friends under 50 people and I didn't make the list which was fine, but she came to mine (we were closer a few years back when I got married) and I still felt I had to send her something.
    See I don't understand this, you "made" 10k on your wedding. Weddings aren't really meant to try and make money on in gifts are they? You put on the wedding and invite your loved ones to share the day with you.

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  10. #208
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    We're getting married early next yr and our list has many interstate who could drive and if they cant squeeze at my mums other local relations will pay for accommodation, we will also get a few here from Ozzie (wedding in NZ).
    For me the most important thing is people come and help celebrate - we will have a wishing well or whatever ya call it but that's optional and can be done anonymously.
    Weddings are expensive but why get married unless you can enjoy it with loved ones!?!my list is 160! And at $100pp it's costing a pack and we are just ya average middle class family but its important to us so we're saving hard.

  11. #209
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    See I don't understand this, you "made" 10k on your wedding. Weddings aren't really meant to try and make money on in gifts are they? You put on the wedding and invite your loved ones to share the day with you.

    Geez people are reading too much into this thread!
    I don't think she was seeing her wedding as a business and made $$$

    Im sure it was more referring to the amount they received to help start their marital life as husband and wife which usually requires a new house, fridge and kids (like in my situation). Their lovely guests were generous in helping them to start off, like in some traditions.

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  13. #210
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    I didn't 'expect' anything at my wedding. I felt actually felt a bit uncomfortable that some people gave us over $100 (approximately what it cost per head) because I felt like they were giving us more than they should *chuckle*.

    But there were people that didn't give us anything, not even a card. And you know what? It actually didn't bother me in the slightest! But I also firmly believe in giving as much as I can when I attend a wedding because in my books the best gift you can give someone for their wedding is to help them start a new life without debt.
    The majority of people go into some form of debt to finance a wedding these days (although there's a new trend to do it on the cheap which I think is awesome ) so I have no problem giving as much cash as I can rather than a physical gift.


 

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