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  1. #171
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    In the UK the BM's don't pay for their own dress, shoes, etc and not accommodation for the night if required.

    I found it very strange when I moved here and found out BMs had to pay for their own stuff.

    Having said that, I do like the free bars lol! Don't see that very often in the UK as you cannot generally buy a "per head" drinks package.
    Me too! (I'm also from the UK).

    I got married over here, and I paid for everything for my bridesmaids as I didn't feel right making them pay when they were doing me the honour of playing such a big part in my wedding (and all the time and responsibility that involves).

    I've been bridesmaid a few times since moving to Australia, and it's expensive!

  2. #172
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    So people with gift registries and wishing wells are spoilt and selfish? Woah!
    Again you put words in my mouth. Since this is the 3rd time I'll just cut and paste

    As to being greedy or spoilt where did I say you are? I was saying those that demand money and get all crazy over gifts and the wedding are imo, selfish and spoilt.




  3. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Either BH is effing up and I'm reading a totally different thing from Del than you are, or you're taking too much liberty with what she's saying and seeing things that aren't actually there. She didn't say that, or even suggest it.



    I do respect it. I respect that people give gifts at weddings. Whatever, go for your life.

    I just don't respect the suggestion that I'm supposed to hand over 100s of dollars to you because you overspent on your wedding and want to recoup the costs.

    That's not to say I won't give you a gift or money, it's just to say I resent the expectation that I WILL.
    Who said we all expect that? I don't care if I got $20 Or $50 which is what I did get from some of our lovely guests. I was happy they attended. Not everyone expects heaps of money in return so you shouldn't jump to conclusions that we ALL have these expectations. It's our family and our tradition and we wish to do it. If I have friends attend my wedding or birthdays ect I would expect them to give a gift they can afford not to pay for their attendance to MY wedding I happily had paid for already in advance.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    Unappealing to you but for some it is our traditions and you should respect that.
    I actually agree with this. Our community has a culture which goes really OTT with weddings. So I get that. But most of the grabbie weddings I've been to, it's not a cultural thing at all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I actually agree with this. Our community has a culture which goes really OTT with weddings. So I get that. But most of the grabbie weddings I've been to, it's not a cultural thing at all.
    I've personally never attended a grabbie wedding? This is a genuine question, what makes you feel like they are only for the money they recieve from guests? Have they actually come out and said it? If so yes that is incredibly rude.

  6. #176
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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    Who said we all expect that? I don't care if I got $20 Or $50 which is what I did get from some of our lovely guests. I was happy they attended. Not everyone expects heaps of money in return so you shouldn't jump to conclusions that we ALL have these expectations. It's our family and our tradition and we wish to do it. If I have friends attend my wedding or birthdays ect I would expect them to give a gift they can afford not to pay for their attendance to MY wedding I happily had paid for already in advance.
    But as you said, you don't expect it. You appreciate everything you got for your wedding and say you want your family and friends to spend within their means. Sounds like a lovely wedding and a sensible down to earth approach. If your family chose to gave extravagent gifts, great

    My issue isn't a)people that spend a lot of their wedding b) those that receive a lot of expensive presents bc of a cultural norm. I get annoyed at the pressure that is put on guests to give large amounts by the B&G. The complaining over small amounts. The suggestion that people should be covering their own reception costs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    No one is saying no one should give a gift. I always do. But the expectation of a dollar amount and getting all narky people are only giving $20, $50 or nothing is my issue. You are right - they are a guest. If you invited friends over for dinner, would you expect them to give you $50+ to cover their steak and veg?

    I just think the whole wedding thing has gone nuts. It's probably going to be a controverisal comment - but the words spoilt and greedy come to mind. My grandparents married in a small church service in their Sunday best then threw a small reception at a pub. They were married 30 years until my GM died. Now days it's 5k dresses, screeching bridezillas demanding bridesmaids spent a k on a dress and put them on elaborate and expensive high teas, then hens nights. Demands for cash bc the couple wants to keep up with the Jones and have a 5k photographer and have a reception at a swank place.

    I think some people are forgetting why they are getting married?



    Again, what does it matter? They came to celebrate the union to your soul mate. Isn't that why you got married? who cares if they didn't give any money? The fact they showed meant they care about you.



    As always I agree with you I also find it really tacky, sorry but I do. When we got married, we got gifts, some gave cash, the average was $50. We were very thankful, both for the gifts and their attendance. We saved and paid for our wedding and the notion that guests shold 'cover' their own costs never entered my mind...
    Yes she did Sassy Mummy. Just because people are having 5k dresses, high teas or whatever, a wedding! They are greedy and spoilt? Why, because they didn't make it low key?
    Demanding cash, no one demands cash amounts, wanting to re coup costs because they can't afford it? All your assumptions.

    And yes I think it's more polite to respect people's traditions and customs, you are their guest.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    I've personally never attended a grabbie wedding? This is a genuine question, what makes you feel like they are only for the money they recieve from guests? Have they actually come out and said it? If so yes that is incredibly rude.
    I won't divulge too much as I don't want family finding me lol but one we went to on the invite had WISHING WELL ONLY in caps. That raised my eyebrows but I thought hmmm ok. When I spoke to the mother of the bride bc we didn't know how much to give (and we broke from travelling to the wedding) she told me the bride has asked for $100 off guests.

    I also know someone that b**ched to me someone had only given them $40

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Yes she did Sassy Mummy. Just because people are having 5k dresses, high teas or whatever, a wedding! They are greedy and spoilt? Why, because they didn't make it low key?
    Demanding cash, no one demands cash amounts, wanting to re coup costs because they can't afford it? All your assumptions.

    And yes I think it's more polite to respect people's traditions and customs, you are their guest.
    Gah you are just picking a fight and twisting my words bc you don't like what I'm saying. You aren't even reading my posts. I said the 5k dresses and *note* demanding people pay for expensive high teas and then Hen's Nights. Can you see I'm saying when people *demand* stuff. If you blew 50k on your wedding good luck to you, I don't care. What I care about, is when the B&G get all demanding, particularly with costs and money. I don't know how much clearer I can make it.

    We are going around in circles so I'll leave it there.

  10. #180
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    Buttermilk - Would you condemn a friend who came to your wedding who was in a tight financial position who was not able to gift the appropriate gift amount in their envelope?

    You seem to think that all of the Australians are saying "We are aussie so we can just give 20 bucks" - I have not seen anyone suggesting this, merely that we perhaps have different wedding traditions to you and making is large financial gift is not expected. Putting pressure on wedding guests to keep up with people who are better financially resourced is not fair and would alienate people, or put them under a great deal of pressure.

    I have been to wedding that would have paid $45 per head for the meal (and others where the family did all the food themselves), and others where it would have cost $130. I just can't see how the *rule of thumb* can work with weddings today where there is such a vast divide in wedding costs.

    Can I ask what culture you are from that has this tradition?


 

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