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  1. #161
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    And just because the day is important to some poeple and they care about that stuff, doesn't mean they don't care about the marriage.
    I spent alot on my wedding, I cared about the dresses, the food, the transport and the table arrangements. I'll be celebrating my 13 year wedding anniversary this year, I think it's safe to say my marriage was important and it wasn't just about the day.
    For anyone to say otherwise is just insulting. You don't need to judge why or how much someone spends. It's not your business. If you don't like all that stuff then just don't do it, but don't tell others what they should be doing at their wedding.
    I'm not greedy or spoilt, to say to anyone they are because of what they do for their wedding is highly contentious on your part.
    I could care less what people spend. If you spent a dollar or 50 grand, that's your business entirely. My issue is when all these financial demands are made of guests, especially the bridal party. I've noticed that the most grabby bride and grooms were ones who spent an amount they really couldn't afford. So the wedding seems to become about having champagne taste on a beer budget and getting guests to make the shortfall. Yes I know not every couple that throws an expensive wedding is over extending themselves or being demanding. But I've noticed a connection.

    As to being greedy or spoilt where did I say you are? I was saying those that demand money and get all crazy over gifts and the wedding are imo, selfish and spoilt.

  2. #162
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    While giving large gifts or amounts of money may be tradition in some areas it doesn't mean it is polite to expect this.

    Lots of marriage traditions are outdating and quite frankly unappealing IMO.

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  4. #163
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    I think you've hit the nail on the head Delirium. Many people seem to have lost sight of the concept of a budget when it comes to weddings.

    It seems like every bride feels entitled to a "dream" wedding, despite her financial limitations. To the point that someone dreamed up wishing wells just to fund them... And woe betide anyone who doesn't cover their own meal!

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  6. #164
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    It is my 'dream' to have the new mercedes hatchback and live in a mansion. This doesn't mean my family and friends should be paying for me to live this dream!!

    I think marketing has just gone mad when it comes to weddings

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  8. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    To the point that someone dreamed up wishing wells just to fund them... And woe betide anyone who doesn't cover their own meal!
    We were married in 02 and wishing wells were around back then a bit, but many thought it rude to ask for money. Then when I was pg with DD so 9 years ago I went to my first wishing well wedding. From then on everyone seems to have them.

    Maybe I'm too old school *shrugs* but we were just happy people came.

  9. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I could care less what people spend. If you spent a dollar or 50 grand, that's your business entirely. My issue is when all these financial demands are made of guests, especially the bridal party. I've noticed that the most grabby bride and grooms were ones who spent an amount they really couldn't afford. So the wedding seems to become about having champagne taste on a beer budget and getting guests to make the shortfall. Yes I know not every couple that throws an expensive wedding is over extending themselves or being demanding. But I've noticed a connection.

    As to being greedy or spoilt where did I say you are? I was saying those that demand money and get all crazy over gifts and the wedding are imo, selfish and spoilt.
    So people with gift registries and wishing wells are spoilt and selfish? Woah!
    I haven't met a bride and groom who demand money and gifts and go crazy over it, and I've been to alot of weddings. It's common sense people will buy you gifts or give money, it's what people do, so its easier to say what you want, it makes it easier, that's not being selfish and spoilt.

    No one expects their wedding expense to be paid for by guests, that is ridiculous! If that's the case I would have had a Kardashian extravaganza! But it's common wedding etiquette to give an amount that reflects where you are and what you are doing. People don't like it, don't believe in etiquette and would rather give nothing or 20bucks? it's your choice. I don't know people like that irl.
    A wedding where I come from is a big deal and we give generously. I wouldn't give a $50 note in a card that's for sure. I give my nieces and nephews more for their birthdays. But whatever, we live in different worlds.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    So people with gift registries and wishing wells are spoilt and selfish? Woah!
    I haven't met a bride and groom who demand money and gifts and go crazy over it, and I've been to alot of weddings. It's common sense people will buy you gifts or give money, it's what people do, so its easier to say what you want, it makes it easier, that's not being selfish and spoilt.

    No one expects their wedding expense to be paid for by guests, that is ridiculous! If that's the case I would have had a Kardashian extravaganza! But it's common wedding etiquette to give an amount that reflects where you are and what you are doing. People don't like it, don't believe in etiquette and would rather give nothing or 20bucks? it's your choice. I don't know people like that irl.
    A wedding where I come from is a big deal and we give generously. I wouldn't give a $50 note in a card that's for sure. I give my nieces and nephews more for their birthdays. But whatever, we live in different worlds.
    Can you see the inherent contradiction in your post??? In one paragraph you say you haven't met a bride and groom who demand money and go crazy over it yet in another you suggest giving someone 'just' $20 is a breach of proper etiquette. Even $50 doesn't seem to cut it for you.

    It's great to be generous, but can you see the flipside in your examples is grabbiness? You wouldn't give such trivial amounts of money for a wedding and you expect everyone else to be in a position to provide you with amounts of money (or the equivalent spent on a gift) you think befits the honour of attending your special occasion?

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  12. #168
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    No its not a contradiction? I have never met a bride and groom who have said to their guests 'I demand this amount of money, minimum' ? And having a gift registry is not demanding, it's common sense.
    I never asked my guests to bring an amount of money with them.
    And what I give is how I feel about weddings and how I see proper wedding etiquette. There is such a thing, otherwise people wouldn't start a thread asking what an appropriate amount to give at a wedding is. Whether you like it or not it exists.
    But going crazy, making demands..... yeah I'm yet to see that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    While giving large gifts or amounts of money may be tradition in some areas it doesn't mean it is polite to expect this.

    Lots of marriage traditions are outdating and quite frankly unappealing IMO.
    Unappealing to you but for some it is our traditions and you should respect that.

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  15. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    So people with gift registries and wishing wells are spoilt and selfish? Woah!
    Either BH is effing up and I'm reading a totally different thing from Del than you are, or you're taking too much liberty with what she's saying and seeing things that aren't actually there. She didn't say that, or even suggest it.

    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    Unappealing to you but for some it is our traditions and you should respect that.
    I do respect it. I respect that people give gifts at weddings. Whatever, go for your life.

    I just don't respect the suggestion that I'm supposed to hand over 100s of dollars to you because you overspent on your wedding and want to recoup the costs.

    That's not to say I won't give you a gift or money, it's just to say I resent the expectation that I WILL.


 

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