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  1. #131
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    I do think the OP is a bit of a special case. Surely we can't expect her to spend upward of $100 when she has already spent over $500 just to attend as it is interstate. I think the effort of spending so much and making so much effort to attend would be more than enough as a gift for me, I could not imagine being upset with a small gift or nothing if somebody travelled across the country and paid for accommodation to be with me at my wedding.

    I personally believe people are becoming selfish. That is a mammoth effort for somebody else's special day. It isn't the OP's special day but she has still made a huge effort to go to see her friend marry.

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  3. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Buttermilk I feel sorry for you if that's how it is with your friends and family.
    Ummmm why? What an insulting and rude thing to say to someone. I don't mind giving gifts at weddings, so don't feel sorry for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Great night? Lol. Most people attend because they feel obligated. Not sure who really enjoys endless boring speeches and bad cover bands, even with free drinks and a free overcooked steak..!
    You obviously hate weddings, and really, why go? If you don't care about their marriage why be insulting towards them? Beyond rude.

  4. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    No one said they have a wedding they can't afford and 'expect' their guests to pay their own way. But its the principle you hold as a guest, you are a guest and they are paying for you to be there, so the very least you do is give them a gift.
    No one is saying no one should give a gift. I always do. But the expectation of a dollar amount and getting all narky people are only giving $20, $50 or nothing is my issue. You are right - they are a guest. If you invited friends over for dinner, would you expect them to give you $50+ to cover their steak and veg?

    I just think the whole wedding thing has gone nuts. It's probably going to be a controverisal comment - but the words spoilt and greedy come to mind. My grandparents married in a small church service in their Sunday best then threw a small reception at a pub. They were married 30 years until my GM died. Now days it's 5k dresses, screeching bridezillas demanding bridesmaids spent a k on a dress and put them on elaborate and expensive high teas, then hens nights. Demands for cash bc the couple wants to keep up with the Jones and have a 5k photographer and have a reception at a swank place.

    I think some people are forgetting why they are getting married?

    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    uh yeah! simple. eg: i opened the card and saw who the money was from. was i meant to shut my eyes and not see who gave what?


    btw there was none of those 17 guest who had to travel to the wedding. it was in Brisbane City..
    Again, what does it matter? They came to celebrate the union to your soul mate. Isn't that why you got married? who cares if they didn't give any money? The fact they showed meant they care about you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mathermy View Post
    I think expecting to recoup the cost of your wedding from your guests is a bit tacky really, if you can't afford it yourself you should change your plans to suit your budget. I saw the cost of our food, drinks etc as a way to spoil those we loved the most with a great night, it's part if the pleasure if hosting an event IMO.

    We give gifts based on our budget at the time, relationship to the guest etc so it varies, but I sure hope I don't know anyone who is counting the $$ at the end to tally up their profit! Yuck.
    As always I agree with you I also find it really tacky, sorry but I do. When we got married, we got gifts, some gave cash, the average was $50. We were very thankful, both for the gifts and their attendance. We saved and paid for our wedding and the notion that guests shold 'cover' their own costs never entered my mind...

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  6. #134
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    Actually another idea. Years ago we were invited to a close couples wedding. We had to buy flights, dress (pregnant) etc to be there. At the time we didn't have a lot of money but I didn't want to go without giving them something for their new beginning.

    We arrived at the destination and went to a local nursery (did a bit of research before hand) and bought a beautiful peach tree (about $15) we then added about $20 of coin around the bottom and a few $1,$2 scrathie a to the leaves) we then wrapped the base and used clear wrap over the whole thing (it even had little peaches on it)

    We wrote in the card that was attached something about planting the tree and watching it grow as their marriage to each other would and to bear fruit as they will children (we knew the wanted children) it was really cute. While it wasn't alot they absolutely lived it. And now its grown to a beautiful peach tree and she often gets yummy lovely peaches off it (she lives cooking so its great) plus they have it for ever

    So yes you don't need to have alot of money to be thoughtful.

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  8. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Ummmm why? What an insulting and rude thing to say to someone. I don't mind giving gifts at weddings, so don't feel sorry for me.


    You obviously hate weddings, and really, why go? If you don't care about their marriage why be insulting towards them? Beyond rude.
    How is feeling bad for you rude?

    If you have friends or family who attend weddings just for a free night but they don't give a "shiz" about the fact that two people have just been married then I think that's a real shame as they sound like awful people to me.

    You come across as a very aggressive person in almost all your posts. I think you need to chill out a bit.

  9. #136
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    Hmm that is insulting to buttermilk.

    My family tradition for weddings include similarities to her. Each to their own, no need to be nasty about people culture and traditions. That's really not cool. Giving large sums of money at our weddings is the norm. I wouldn't expect others to be the same and I couldn't give a toot.

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  11. #137
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    I think you summed up my feelings perfect delirium. I find the notion that I have to give something to the value I cost as a guest (which I have no idea of how much I cost or what to expect) weird TBH.

    As a bridesmaid I have been informed I have to organise a the entire hen's night as the other bridesmaid is interstate (and guess who also gets to pay for a lot of it - yay!). I also had to 'pay my way' at her engagement party and baby shower. Now I have to 'pay my way' as a guest at the wedding in a couple of months, so have to come up with a gift 'worthy' enough of DP's and mine attendance. This is just out of the question for a lot of families and I am still trying to recover financially from forking out thousands in medical costs for myself.

  12. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1CrazyMoose View Post
    Actually another idea. Years ago we were invited to a close couples wedding. We had to buy flights, dress (pregnant) etc to be there. At the time we didn't have a lot of money but I didn't want to go without giving them something for their new beginning.

    We arrived at the destination and went to a local nursery (did a bit of research before hand) and bought a beautiful peach tree (about $15) we then added about $20 of coin around the bottom and a few $1,$2 scrathie a to the leaves) we then wrapped the base and used clear wrap over the whole thing (it even had little peaches on it)

    We wrote in the card that was attached something about planting the tree and watching it grow as their marriage to each other would and to bear fruit as they will children (we knew the wanted children) it was really cute. While it wasn't alot they absolutely lived it. And now its grown to a beautiful peach tree and she often gets yummy lovely peaches off it (she lives cooking so its great) plus they have it for ever

    So yes you don't need to have alot of money to be thoughtful.
    Ohhh that is just beautiful I would have cried if I got that as a gift *snivels*

  13. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    You obviously hate weddings, and really, why go? If you don't care about their marriage why be insulting towards them? Beyond rude.
    Yes, generally I decline wedding invitations. However, for example when I declined my brother's wedding (for good reason- it was on my DD's birthday) all hell broke loose and my Dad even cried. I had no choice.

  14. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    How is feeling bad for you rude?

    If you have friends or family who attend weddings just for a free night but they don't give a "shiz" about the fact that two people have just been married then I think that's a real shame as they sound like awful people to me.

    You come across as a very aggressive person in almost all your posts. I think you need to chill out a bit.
    ? I don't even know what you are talking about. Please read my posts before you comment and make off remarks that don't make sense.
    If I'm agressive, please don't respond to my posts.


 

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