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  1. #121
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    I agree wth buttermilk.

    If you cant afford a decent ($80 and up per person IMO) then buy a small gift and card

    There have been wedding that we havent attended due to cost (bloody destination ones) but we have posted a small gift/card and then had the couple over for dinner at some stage.

    I do think its rude not to come with a gift to any sort of function be it birthday wedding/christening/ housewarming etc. A card and a lotto ticket is not beyond the purse for most people.

  2. #122
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    missie_mack I would imagine if this has been the 'ettiquitte' for some time, it would have been polite back in my mother's day when average people held affordable, sensible weddings. If somebody wants to take out the value of a small mortgage for their wedding, I am sorry but a $200 blender from a guest is not going to do any good when it comes to repaying the wedding loan.

    I know a lot of older people are absolutely astounded at how much weddings are costing nowadays.

    If somebody wishes to serve caviar and moet at their wedding, sorry but I'm not paying for your choices.

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  4. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Yep, he does point out elsewhere on the site that pretty much the only people who care about a wedding are the bride and groom, and the bride's mother. No one else really gives a shiz.
    Which contradicts peoples reasons for attending a wedding. If you don't give a shiz, why go? Obviously to get a free meal and have a good night at their expense. And I believe alot of people who go with nothing do just that, they go woohoo, free drinks and dont actually care their friends are getting married.
    I think it's rude, because the people getting married care enough about you to want you there and pay for you to have a great night. If you also cared about them, why wouldn't you give them something?

  5. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    If you don't give a shiz, why go? Obviously to get a free meal and have a good night at their expense.
    I don't really care all that much for the weddings I've been to. There have been one or two pleasant ones. I go because if I didn't I'd never hear the end of it so seems it's rude to go but rude to not go.

  6. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Erm, no. oO We're getting each of our guests either napkin ring things(sounds weird, I know) that are engraved with their initials and a hand written thank you letter from DF and I, written on heavy parchment and marking their spot at their tables, or we're gifting them with a small photoframe with their name and a thank you for attending our wedding thing in it. I can't really describe it properly.
    Well that sounds really nice. I've certainly never come across gifts for the guests, I don't think it's common. It's nice to hear that you appreciate your guests attending rather than expecting them to appreciate being invited.

  7. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    When the whole point of going to a wedding and having a wedding is to help the bride and groom and give to start them in their new life and setting up home.
    That must once again be part of your culture - it's not the whole point of getting married IMO.

    I don't think one should plan a wedding with the expectation of making a tidy profit.

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  9. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttermilk View Post
    Which contradicts peoples reasons for attending a wedding. If you don't give a shiz, why go? Obviously to get a free meal and have a good night at their expense. And I believe alot of people who go with nothing do just that, they go woohoo, free drinks and dont actually care their friends are getting married.
    I think it's rude, because the people getting married care enough about you to want you there and pay for you to have a great night. If you also cared about them, why wouldn't you give them something?
    Great night? Lol. Most people attend because they feel obligated. Not sure who really enjoys endless boring speeches and bad cover bands, even with free drinks and a free overcooked steak..!

  10. #128
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    Buttermilk I feel sorry for you if that's how it is with your friends and family.

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  12. #129
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    I would presume most couples live together in this day and age - they would likely have the appliances. So even that is a bit moot now compared to our grandparents who received things for their new home.

    I honestly have no clue how much mine & DP's 'cost' is for the upcoming wedding. For all I know it could be a few hundred dollars! No way in heck am I spending that amount of money each and every time I attend a wedding. Unless I am forced to attend a registry, I will buy something I think the couple would like and get use out of or something lovely and a sentimental gift. Not to 'cover my cost'.

    I have to agree that it is very poor form to drink to excess at a wedding and call it 'free' alcohol if it is a bar that the bride and groom or their parents will have to pay.

  13. #130
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    My view on weddings was a much more simplistic one before I joined bubhub.

    OP, if you haven't given up on this thread yet, please don't stress. Just spend what you can and go and wish the bride and groom well. I'm sure they will be glad to have you there.

    I'm off! Have a good weekend everyone

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