No one said they have a wedding they can't afford and 'expect' their guests to pay their own way. But its the principle you hold as a guest, you are a guest and they are paying for you to be there, so the very least you do is give them a gift.
If you think it's silly or too expensive to go, then why go? The marriage part is free to attend, it's called the ceremony. You can go to that and not stay for the food, drinks and entertainment. But obviously people want to go for a good night and now I see people think it's a free night all expenses paid event. When the whole point of going to a wedding and having a wedding is to help the bride and groom and give to start them in their new life and setting up home. It's not just a party, if it was you'd just have a casual bbq with family and friends and not spend a small fortune. Whether you like it or not, there are expectations and wedding etiquette, when I'm invited, I take it seriously and give.
In my culture, we have kitchen teas, setting up and blessing the marital bed with money, we pin money on the bride and grooms AND give a gift. It's not just a party, its a blessing and your family and friends are involved. I had a wedding and it helped set us up and was the deposit for our house, I give it back by giving the same.
I also wrote down who gave what and matched each card so I knew, and then I wrote thank you cards specifically thanking them for their gift. I aknwoledged their gift and was grateful to them, I wanted them to know it was appreciated and didn't go unoticed.
In the old days and countries it was a village celebration and involvemenet to start the couple off in life. These traditions are getting lost, people want to hold onto their money and aren't interested in giving anymore. But are more than happy to get a free meal
Give what you can afford, and feel comfortable with giving. It is not the guests responsibility to cover their costs of attending (food and drink). If I were invited to a wedding and there was an expectation to give enough money to cover this, I wouldn't go because I find it very rude! For me personally I would give $50 as a si gle person or $100 as a couple, and if I had to spend alot of money for travel to be there I might just give them a small gift.
Well.. This is making me not want to get married. Seems there's more politics to a wedding than anything else, tbh, and a lot of hardship and hassle so that you make sure everyone is comfortable and happy. ATM, DF and I are planning our wedding and have a few choices:
- We say no gift.
This will be useless. All our family and friends will bring one anyway, and it will likely end up sitting in a corner, collecting dust, simply because we won't need or use it. I'd appreciate it all the same, but we're living together and honestly have everything we need that's to our taste. And, well, let's be honest. Some people have appauling taste to me, and I just wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd thank them and be genuinely grateful that they got me anything, but it seems rude that it'd either be hidden away somewhere to fall into the black hole that lives in sock drawers and behind couches, or tossed during one of my declutter sprees. I loathe clutter.
- We have a registry.
Err.. I have nfi what these are for. It's like pointing at things and going "I want that. This. That. That that". This seems really quite rude, because it's still in a way saying "Yes, it's expensive and we'd never buy it for ourselves, but feel free to spend a lot of money on something for us. Thanks!
- We put on the invite "We don't want presents, your presence is gift enough, but a contribution to us buying a house would be appreciated if you would like to get us or give us something."
All three of these seem rude in some way or another. This is very confusing for me. My brain now really, really hurts. - -;
We know our families. They will not accept the "No gifts please" thing, and will get us something one way or another, whether we like it or not, but it seems the most practical one, asking for a contribution toward buying a house, is also the rudest, whether it's 20 or 200 dollars that they contribute, because it's seen as a cash grab or recouping the costs of a wedding? I would have thought it would be ruder to have a gift that goes to waste.
Who does that? Seriously!
Truth be told, sometimes even to attend the wedding is showing how much you love and care about the couple. We are invited to a wedding this year (which I am absolutely honoured to be by the way), but it is tricky getting there, finding babysitters, juggling work commitments etc.
We are going because we do love this couple dearly, and would pull out all stops to be there! Our gift will probably be $100 which is a lot to us, despite what others may think.
Gah, I forget what i was trying to say.... I'm just amused that people think people go to weddings for a 'free meal' lol.
I don't give wedding gifts. If you want me at your wedding, invite me. If you want to "cover" the cost of meals, sell tickets.
I don't see why a couple who are lucky enough to have found each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together deserve gifts on top of the love and joy they are lucky enough to have found. They should be giving ME a gift for giving up a day of my precious free time to celebrate THEIR happiness.
There will be a wishing well for cards if you wish to put a message in there.
Pretty much damned if you do and damned if you don't. I'm not putting anything on the actual invitation just on the FAQ part of our site.
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