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  1. #21
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    Default At least she was honest...

    Gender disappointment is very real and I don't judge women who suffer this. In most cases, once bub is born, their fears and anxieties will disappear.

    What I find most offensive in the article is the mass generalization of what boys are like. My DS is the most affectionate little soul already, constantly chasing his female cousin around wanting cuddles. He also loves Little Princess & Dora

    I come from a family full of girls, no experience with boys but still always wanted one first. I also wanted to give my Dad a grandson - they have an amazing bond like I knew they would. I love it. I'm also much closer with my Dad than I was/am with Mum, so maybe that was part of it too.

    Bub2 arriving next week is also a boy and I couldn't be happier. Would I have liked a girl one day? Of course, but never felt anything but happiness when told it was another boy. I already look forward to Sat morning Auskick sessions (but I love sport which helps!).

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  3. #22
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    Default *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    Am I the only one who read this article as being fairly tongue-in-cheek? I think she had ideas about girls being soft and pretty and boys being rough and gross (along the sugar and spice/ frogs and snails lines) but she admits these perceptions aren't entirely based in reality and concludes that her son and daughter will get along.

    As someone who has been struggling to conceive for years, and has gone through several losses, the idea of someone actually not liking or rejecting a child for not being their preferred gender is rather abhorrent to me. I just didn't really seriously get that from this article.

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  5. #23
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    Default *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    Why is it majority of people suffer gender disappointment for girls not boys? And think boys are little monsters and girls are perfect little angels? Wait until the teenage years and see which gender you prefer lol!!!

    I adore my crazy little man and if I was blessed with 3 of them I'd be stoked!
    Last edited by MummaJez; 24-02-2013 at 12:02.

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  7. #24
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    Default Re: *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    I get that she is being a bit tongue in cheek, but I also think that she had genuine gender biases and a negative preconception of little boys.
    Especially the "they will get married and leave me" rubbish. Sure, some sons will. But some daughters will too. My female cousin for example, has little to do with her own family, but is fully involved in her husband's family. My brother has only met his gf's mother twice, yet she spends a lot of time with my family, celebrates Christmas with us, the works.
    I feel some people are raising boys with the expectation that one day they will up and leave, and girls with the expectation that they will become miniatures of their mothers. Why not let kids be loved for themselves, and leave all that garbage out of it? We place such stereotypes on our kids at such a young age!
    I also find it hugely insulting when a person insinuates that my son is a lesser child, a disappointment, simply because he has a penis. I honestly can't understand that. And it has happened, many times, perhaps it is because I am so talkative and extroverted, that people feel comfortable saying things like that in my presence. I worry that as he grows older this judgemental attitude will effect both my kids.

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  9. #25
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    See, I can sort of understand where she is coming from. And, i did have to ttc for years and use IVF...and I still ended up with mild gender disappointment.

    You see, it was not about the gender so much as I wanted 2 of the same, I wanted DS to have a brother. Just as she daydreamed about the 2 sisters playing together, I had always dreamed of my 2 boys.

    It took me about 6 weeks to get over the fact that DD was a DD. It did happen though and we love her desperately and cannot imagine her otherwise. Even DS got over his gender disappointment lol

    Now, you can say it is horrid and shameful and all sorts, but emotions are not always rational and easy to understand and deal with. Should I be ashamed because I had dreams of one thing and got another? No, it is not the feelings I had back then that matter...it is how i dealt with them and worked through them. It is really common to go through it, and i think talking about it is great as it makes it not so shameful and there fore people can talk about it and work through it.

    The baby is not born yet...she will change and I think her "sweeping stereotypes" are her way of pointing out that she knows she will get over it. She points out her DD is not the perfect girlie girl...so this says she knows that all boys not the same either.

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  11. #26
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    Default *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Do people prefer to girls to boys though? I would have thought it would be the opposite - lots of cultures favour boys over girls.

    Before I had children, I thought I only wanted girls, mainly because I grew up with lots of sisters and only one brother. I didn't know what to do with a boy! However, when I had DS I instantly fell in love with him and would have been perfectly happy only having boys after that. I then went on to have 3 girls and was disappointed that DS will never have a brother.
    Yep totally agree. But just by going from forums and people I personally know it's usually a girl gender disappointment. I've known a few that have wanted boys though. Just what I've noticed

  12. #27
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    Default *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    What I find most offensive in the article is the mass generalization of what boys are like.
    Agreed! Tongue in cheek or not, I thought she went completely over the top with her generalisations to the point where her ignorance irritated me.

    There are far worse things that can happen than simply conceiving a child which is not your preferred gender.

    I find it hard understand extreme cases of gender disappointment when we all know there is a 50/50 chance of conceiving a boy/girl.

  13. #28
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    Like most of you, I found this article disturbing because of her mass generalisations of boys. The subheading in the printed article is even calls her unborn baby "beastly". That made my stomach turn. I understand gender disappointment isn't entirely uncommon but this article goes beyond that.

    Like so many of us, my DS1 is a loving, caring, gorgeous little man. He loves to read, plays tea-parties and is more affectionate than any other child I've ever met. At nearly 3, he is teaching me so much about love and being a big brother - more than I ever thought possible. Whereas DS2 is rough and tumble, throws himself into situations without abandon, is so filthy by the day's end that his clothes are almost permanently darkened by the shadows of dirt and grass and has a wicked sense of humour. All this at the tender young age of 13 months.

    I am sickened to read her say that little girls will stroke their daddy's face and saw "Love you, Daddy" while boys are all about "weeing, messiness and demands". Fool me but I thought girls also cornered the market on those three characteristics too but not defined by them.

    While we think about TTC #3, I already prepared for the "bet you wish it'll be a girl", particularly after the outpouring of sympathy when I had DS2. It's enough to make me want to stop at 2 - to think my third child will be judged for being a boy. A friend recently had her first baby - a girl - after more than ten years of TTC. Her sister-in-law has four boys and has been undertaking IVF overseas to get The Girl. Unsuccessfully. When my friend told her she was having a girl, she didn't get a congratulations. She got a "that'd be right" response. How awful to not love each child for being the gift it is.

    Pity her poor child spoiling her vision for her sweet little family. I pray she feels differently when he arrives.

    Thanks to you all for sharing your thoughts on this story. I do understand gender disappointment - both ways - I just love reading about those of you who fall in love with your little squirming baby no matter what, even when, 20 weeks earlier, you didn't quite get the news you hoped.

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  15. #29
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    Default *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    I'm a mother of two girls and have a hubby like this stories hubby, mine does not want boys he has made that very clear. He has unrealistic reasons as to why though nothing that would be valid in a gender debate! ( he thinks boys get on drugs )

    I on the other hand wouldn't mind another girl mainly because its what I know and frankly I prefer pink to blues brown and boyness! Not only that I don't want to be a ' grooms mum' thy get left out a lot! (Not my hubby's mum though...as I didn't have a mum, but generally speaking)

    Totally irrational and as soon as I met any child of mine that was a boy I know these thoughts would diminish...

    However I can relate to the poster a little but having a hubby who is adamant for girls only!

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    Default Re: *trigger warning* At least she was honest...

    Quote Originally Posted by MummaJez View Post
    Why is it majority of people suffer gender disappointment for girls not boys? And think boys are little monsters and girls are perfect little angels? Wait until the teenage years and see which gender you prefer lol!!!

    I adore my crazy little man and if I was blessed with 3 of them I'd be stoked!
    If I had 3 girls, I would want a boy just as badly as having 3 boys (well, will soon once belly babe is born) and want a girl. It's not about the specific gender. I would just love a chance to have at least one of each but as 3 has always been our limit, the idea of a daughter is something I have to let go of.


 

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