Probably the most extreme gender-bias story I've read.
Probably the most extreme gender-bias story I've read.
Last edited by Mod-RaryGirl; 24-02-2013 at 11:06.
I feel for her as it sounds like she has some underlying issues!
I hope her son never reads that article (assuming they don't discuss it with him beforehand!).
I secretly hoped for a daughter but now I have my DS I couldn't be happier and if we have another would actually be delighted for it to be a boy which I never thought I would say!
I'd still be sad not to have a daughter for many of the obvious things (fairy dresses, dancing, mother of the bride, etc) but there are so many awesome "boy" things too.
Hmm, I've struggled with the fact that I will never have a daughter, I've shed many tears over it in the last 5 weeks.
But I have never, not once wished that I didnt have my boys and I am blessed to be having a 3rd boy. For me it is nothing at all against my boys, I simply adore them, it's letting go of the idea of ever having a daughter. I am incredibly close to my mum, we talk at least 3 times a day, she is my best friend. I'm sad I won't ever have a daughter to share that with, but I will do my damndest to have it with my sons.
The way this woman talks about little boys infuriates me though. My 2.5 year old boy is the sweetest, gentlest, most kind hearted little person and my 4.5 year old whilst a lot more rough and tumble, certainly isn't anything close to the horrible stereotype she has described.
This story really upsets me. Especially the author's perception of what boys are actually like. It isn't her preference to parent one gender over another that upsets me, it is the pedestal she has placed little girls on that is both disturbing and sad.
And the preconception that little boys don't enjoy cooking and dressing up? The majority of professional chefs are men! There are male dancers, dressmakers, and hairdressers, same as there are female sewage workers, builders and police officers.
I never really noticed the gender bias until I had my son. Not long after, a new lady at playgroup who had a little girl and a baby boy of a similar age to my own commented casually "Oh well, at least we got ONE girl!" And then giggled like we were part of some kind of club. In front of my friend who is a wonderful mum of two little boys. Another old friend of mine went postal on Facebook after "accidently" falling pregnant in an attempt to have a girl and winding up with twin boys. Another friend and mum of two girls got treated to 15 mins of a stranger complaining about how hard it is to love boys.
I wonder if these people are scared that their boys will leave and never be as close to them as a girl? My mother and brother have always been close, I was always Daddy's girl. Both of us are close to our parents today.
My little boy is beautiful, all big blue eyes and cheeky smiles, quick to giggle and full of cuddles. I would not change him for anything. I love both my children, their gender is irrelevant.
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I was worried when I found it I was having a boy for my first. I thought I would have no idea what to do and that I wouldn't have that bond a mother and daughter have.
I was so wrong!
My son is just amazing. He is the coolest one year old I know. He loves having cuddles with his mummy. We have the closest bond ever and I am so lucky to have him. I definitely would not trade him for anything in the world.
I am now pregnant with twins and if they are boys I would be very happy, same as I would if they are girls.
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I really don't like these kind of articles. If you really don't want a certain gender, then you probably shouldn't be going for the 2nd (or subsequent) child because its only going to go one of two ways. This woman sounds like she has a few mental issues.
Plus she already has a girl, so i don't really understand it. You could have a girl who turns into a surly, *****y teenager and its the boy who is the gentle, caring person in the family. It's about the person, not the gender.
These type of articles are so upsetting to women (and especially women on here) who have either lost their babies, have a very sick child or just can't had a child. Yes you can be disappointed you didn't get the gender you were hopping for, that is only natural. Holding onto that disappointment for the rest of your life is a bit much. You don't get to choose these things when you decide to have a baby. You can't choose their personality, their hair colour, whether they are good at sports and you can't choose their gender. If you really can't handle one gender over another, then perhaps women like the one in this article shouldn't be chancing it and having another baby.
To be fair it sounds like she's more afraid of the unknown than of actually having a boy.
I felt the same way when I had DS, a large part of my disappointment was based simply on the fact that I had no idea what to DO with a baby boy! I'd looked after heaps of baby girls but never any baby boys.
Cause there's SO much of a difference when they're babies lmao. But I didn't know that at the time.
I mourn the loss of the daughter I'll never have. Mostly because I didn't really have a mother myself, she's been largely absent in my life and I guess I'd always hoped to create that bond that I'd never had with my own mother.
But it's not like I wish either of my boys were girls. Fair enough I'm still growing the second one but the more I think about DS1 and how much I love him, the happier I am that I have another little boy on the way.
I don't get offended when people say I should be happy with what I get because they didn't grow up with my childhood and they don't know what I missed out on. They were most likely lucky enough to have a mother who was more active in their lives and that's genuinely great for them.
Just to clarify, That the majority of people I have met that have suffered some form of gender disappointment, it wasn't like described in this article. Not just a simple dislike for one sex, it's usually people who have 1 or more of the same sex who just want to be able to experience the chance of parenting the opposite sex. And the 'disappointment' isn't usually attached to the baby you are carrying, in most cases it is completely separate of the baby, just letting go of a dream of having a daughter/son one day. I have a great deal of empathy for people like that, I understand their feelings and thought process. I do struggle when people resent the baby because of it etc but I do believe the majority of the time it's out of their control and they dont WANT to feel that way, trust me, the guilt you feel for your feelings is immense.
But for me, my feelings of sadness have never been attached to my sons, and I've never NOT been excited to be having a boy. I can feel excited that my boy is healthy and developing well whilst still feeling sad that I won't have a daughter. In my case, the 2 feelings are completely separate of each other.
ETA: I've been through a lengthy TTC process when trying for DS2, I've had a m/c and my DS2 was born with a medical condition, spent most of the first 2 years of his life sick and we're in the process of seeing an OT and it's likely he will be diagnosed with ASD or SPD, so I certainly understand that healthy etc is what is most important.
Last edited by peanutmonkey; 24-02-2013 at 10:42.
She sounds like she has no idea about what having a boy is really like. I had this view before I got pregnant (having only sisters myself) but now I absolutely think the opposite.
I think in a few years time she will not feel like this anymore.
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