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  1. #11
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    I must be the opposite because I reckon I love my newborns the most and then as they get older, and more stubborn, and argue with me, and whinge, and whine and generally drive me insane the novelty wears off

    OP give it time. You're learning the juggle nice the second baby comes along, and everything with your oldest will feel safe and familiar. I have 3 amazing kids which I love equally, but they have different qualities which I really notice now and appreciate in different ways. I love that DD1 is so incredibly helpful to me, that dd2 is the kindest person who would literally hand everything she owns to her brother, and how DS makes us all laugh all the time.

    It takes time, but you'll definitely get there.

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    Disbride  (22-02-2013),Mom2TwoDSs  (22-02-2013),Stiflers Mom  (22-02-2013)

  3. #12
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    Oh hugs I know exactly how you feel! I posted the same thing when DD was born (she's now 4 months and DS is 2 years) and I got very little feedback and I felt bad even writing the post!
    I was not very attached to my newbie at the time at all, and was constantly sad about My 2 year old because I couldn't spend more time with him etc. But like pp said you ate only starting to know the newbie. I was worried that it may never be the same, DH felt frustrated that I show more love towards my 2 year old and I felt really bad.
    Now 4 months later I am beginning to love DD more than before, but to be honest still less than DS and I feel total guilty about it and am trying my best to spend more time with her and etc.
    Also with a newbie in the house everyone becomes a but more rough and tough on my 2 year old, telling him off for not being gentle enough with the newbie etc and that just makes me feel worse and doesn't help with me trying to balance my love
    It will get better and eventually will love them the same I believe hang in there!

  4. #13
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    The crying thing - it's just because you are experienced with listening to hours of crying. I'm sure every first time mum loses the plot when their baby cries but the second time round you know they're not broken, they're just communicating and half the time it's just cos they have to fart.

    I have a 6 week old and a 2yo and yes I feel way more connected to my toddler, but it's as FL said, we have had a long time to build that bond up whereas DD has only just figured out how to smile.

  5. #14
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    I love them the same amount but in different ways.

    Ds1 and I are very close but he is very very cuddly, just like me. Ds2 doesn't like hugs as much, so I tend to leave him to his own devices. But I make up for it with lots of tickles and playing chasings.

    I have asked myself that many times if I love one more than the other but I know that I do love them the same.

    I think it takes time, and at certain times u may feel that way, but they are different people and as they establish personalities you learn how to connect to them more. That's when u realise that the love is the same. Hugs Op.
    Last edited by misho; 22-02-2013 at 07:44.

  6. #15
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    I love mine differently but equally. I was way more bonded with DS2 as a newborn than DS1 and also managed to escape PND the second time around so I enjoyed the newborn/infant stage waaaay more which I think shaped how I feel about DS2 now. But DS1 is my firstborn son and there's something so special about that, plus he just cracks me up and is such a little grown up, it's hilarious. But DS2, my god I just want to smoosh him and squish him.

  7. #16
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I must be the opposite because I reckon I love my newborns the most and then as they get older, and more stubborn, and argue with me, and whinge, and whine and generally drive me insane the novelty wears off
    This is how I feel about my 9 week old. I feel a lot closer to her than my other 2 ATM and I think it's because I spend more time with her feeding etc. plus she's such an easy baby, and easy compared to my 4 and 2yo.

  8. #17
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    I love mine very differently, but equally. I could never choose just one to save.

    But this fierce love for my second took time, I adored her straight away, but I definitely love her a lot more now than I did 2ish years ago.

    As their personalities shine I think that love has developed.

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by tadpoles View Post
    DS2 is 4 weeks and DS1 is 3. Hopefully it is just a matter of time.
    I have three and yes I live them all as much but like them for different reasons. Please be easy in yourself, your baby is 4 weeks old. You have hormones going crazy , your probably feeling a bit of guilt over less time with older one. It will come in time . Don't read into this much. Honestly you won't feel this way in a few months xxx

  10. #19
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    I only have one child so cannot yet relate but to me it sounds like you love him the same, you just haven't bonded in the same way. I think it sounds normal, as much as it pains me to say I know my brother was my mum's 'favourite' growing up, but I had a closer bond with dad.

  11. #20
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    I think I love them the same but I love them so differently I'm not sure!
    They are 8, 3 and 2 and I definitely feel more connected to one more than the other two.
    I can't help it, it's just a personality thing.
    I remember staring blankly at my newborns feeling nothing!
    It took me a whole to really "love" them.


 

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