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  1. #1
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    I want to preface this with I really love DS2 but I'm feeling sad because it's not the same as DS1.

    I don't like listening to him cry when he is upset but it doesn't have the same effect on me as when DS1 was a newborn and cried. I felt so connected with DS1 and when he was upset it made me upset but with DS2 I feel like I don't care as much and that makes me feel awful.

    I look at him and think he is beautiful and I love him so much but why don't I love him as much as DS1? Every one always says they don't have favourites and they love their kids the same but I feel like I don't know him enough.

    Does any one else feel like this or am I just the odd one out. I don't want to have a favourite but I can't help it

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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    Default Re: Do you really love your kids the same?

    How old is DS2? I would go easy on yourself, you've known DS1 far longer! I love both my kids but yeah at the moment I feel like DS is my world, he's 3 so i really feel like i know him now, whereas DD is 11 weeks and I'm just starting to get to know her. So I guess it's like the difference between someone you're married to and someone you've just started dating, for me.
    Also I think second babies you just don't have the time to sit and gaze lovingly at them, lol.

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    Default Re: Do you really love your kids the same?

    I think a father wrote an article about this some time last year. He received a heap of nasty back lash about it too.

    I don't have kids yet, but I think I love one of my fur babies that little bit more then the others

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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    I used to feel so bad because I thought I loved DS1 more. But the reality is that they're just very different kids. Now they're a bit older (DS2 is 3) and I sometimes marvel at how I can possibly love each of them sooo much yet still love them the same :-)

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    Default Re: Do you really love your kids the same?

    DS2 is 4 weeks and DS1 is 3. Hopefully it is just a matter of time.

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    oh OP, your bubba DS2 is only 4weeks old....he is still just a little crying, pooping, feeding, sleeping machine. it is ok for it to take some time to grow into your love/feelings for your little ones and it is so much harder with a second bub because you also have so many demands from your DS1.

    be easy on yourself. once bubba starts waking up a bit more and showing his personality you will find new and different things to love about him. They will be such different personalities that you won't be able to help but love them both!

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    I agree with PPers .... you need to let yourself breathe I can honestly say that I didn't connect with either of my boys till they were close to 12 weeks old .. so I certainly wouldn't worry about your level of love for him at 4 weeks as long as you DO love him - thats what matters

    I do love my boys equally .. but it depends on the day .. rofl - there are definitely days where I love one more than the other ... mostly due to their own behaviour I still find my 5 year old WAY more delicious and squishable than his 7 year old brother, but some days I'm just so freaking proud of my 7 year old boy, that I just adore him that bit more

    dont stress

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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    Also, theres that certain shell shock that goes with your first baby. Onto your second and you're so much more confident in your ability that their cries etc dont stab the heart as bad - because you've been there, done that.

    Relax! Like the Vietnamese say: same same, but different.

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    Default Do you really love your kids the same?

    To add to the other posters - I found I didn't 'freak out' so much with every cry or whimper second time around.

    You may be mistaking lack of connection with more confidence.

    You know the drill with DS2 and its much more about practicalities versus a whole new world of unknown first time Mumma stuff.

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    Default Re: Do you really love your kids the same?

    I know what you mean tadpoles. You put it a better way than I could have. I think its a bonding thing. Mine are almost 8 and 1


 

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