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    Default SIL cheats on husband with her best friends husband!!!! WOW (True)

    Sorry if this is not in the right place but I could not find a a general post section.
    Here goes, the gist is short and sweet as defined by the heading.

    WOW!!! so this is what we have been living for the past 5 days. Pretty obvious what has happened. It is such a hard situation to be in. She too is one of my closest friends, married to my DH's Brother.
    We were the "outlaw" daughter in laws who stuck together. So the realtionship is done, two children involved and not only her Dh's family have wiped their hands but so too hers.

    My question is? has anyone been in this situation? (Hope not).

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    Default SIL cheats on husband with her best friends husband!!!! WOW (True)

    Wow that's pretty hectic. Nope haven't been there but there were rumors that I was cheating on my XH with multiple people but that's all they were - rumors. Eventually XHs all wiped their hands of me but that's hardly in the same league as what you've described.

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    That would be pretty hard to deal with when it isnt the truth. There is no doubt in this as it has all come to a head. I have made contact with her, the only one from this side of the family besides the DH. I am so divided about what to do as they all know we were great friends.
    Although this whole situation is about my BIL and my beautiful Niece & Nephew I have this selfish component, like everyone else i guess to try and get my head around it. SIL has LOST EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!!

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    Default SIL cheats on husband with her best friends husband!!!! WOW (True)

    It's a horrible situation - true but I'm saddened even her own family have wiped their hands of her.

    I would try to be there for both, I wouldn't stop loving my friend if she did something like this, people are human and things like this happen.

    People survive cheating, you never know, they might find a way.

    I think everybody needs to mind their own business and let the couples sort this out.

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    It's very hard isn't it? My brother & SIL separated last year mostly due to the fact that she cheated (apparently). But she didn't tell her family that so my brother was accused of leaving his wife & children for another woman, which wasn't the case. It was really messy and I think I cried for the first 2 weeks. We couldn't believe it and the thought of not having much to do with my niece & nephew was horrific as my ds & my nephew are super close.

    The best advice I can give is don't blame yourself and where possible don't get in the middle of it. Support your dh & your BIL as best you can - they will need it - it is a difficult transition. As for your SIL, well to be honest she's chosen her path and has to live with the consequences to some extent. Hopefully her family will eventually support her and hopefully she has some friends who will help her. If you befriend her and talk a lot, then you could definitely end up getting caught between her & your BIL which is the last place you would want to be. You'll have to judge how much contact you want with her, but I would advise against being her main confidant at the moment - hopefully she can find someone else to fill that role. You don't want to know the detailed reasons for why the marriage broke up.

    Send me a PM if you need more advice. It's been 9+ months since my brother & SIL broke up and we're all doing ok. It's hard at times, but mostly we've adjusted to the new norm and we see my niece & nephew probably more rather than less now.

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    Default SIL cheats on husband with her best friends husband!!!! WOW (True)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    It's a horrible situation - true but I'm saddened even her own family have wiped their hands of her.

    I would try to be there for both, I wouldn't stop loving my friend if she did something like this, people are human and things like this happen.

    People survive cheating, you never know, they might find a way.

    I think everybody needs to mind their own business and let the couples sort this out.
    You said it better then what I was going to say

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    it is difficult all round...but no one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors. I had a quote come up on my facebook that is perfect for this:

    "Our culture has accepted two huge lies.

    The first is that if you disagree with someones lifestyle, you must fear or hate them.

    The second is that to love someone means you agreewith everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense.

    You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." Rick Warren

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    Default SIL cheats on husband with her best friends husband!!!! WOW (True)

    Not with a SIL but a BFF. She ended her marriage after being unfaithful. He was willing to forgive but she knew it was over.

    Her entire family wiped her, accused her of being a bad mother (which she was not, bad wife yes, bad mother no). The person who supported get most (other than me) was her MIL.

    There was a great deal to the relationship n situation her family refused to acknowledge (which was childish) and they told her she'd ruined THEIR life FFS.

    Anyway after being there I would say you need to do what you feel is right. Speak with your husband and if he is happy for you to support her then so be it. After all she still needs to be strong enough to be a good mum to the kids.

    I understand why his family are cranky but rarely is the situation one sided. Obviously something wasn't right in the relationship (I'm not blaming the husband, he wasn't unfaithful) for things to end up where they did.

    Good luck and just remember to be honest about where you stand about it all with DH's family, the last thing you want is them thinking you are deceitful.

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    I've been in a similar situation. My XH cheated on me with my best friend.. who was 7 months pregnant to her own hubby. XH tried to win me over for 3 years after that.

    To cut a long story short - they are dead for me. The hurt I felt was out of this world.

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    Default Re: SIL cheats on husband with her best friends husband!!!! WOW (True)

    I understand you were close to her. I think if you continue talking to her as often as you normally would, would not be taken too well by your IL's. They will see you as condoning her behaviour. Take a back seat for now with her. As harsh as it sounds she made her bed, now she has to lie in it and take the consequences as they come. Sure it is sad everyone has turned their backs on her. but its not like she tripped over naked onto a naked strangers penis in a caravan park bathroom or slept with an opportunistic identical twin BIL by accident. Iykwim

    It takes a lot of work on the cheaters part to work towards forgiveness. Give the whole situation time and space to let the dust settle. you don't want to actually become the "outlaw" DIL.


 

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