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  1. #11
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    Just thought I'd add, I was feeding and patting/rocking my bubba to sleep at 15 months, and now at almost two she just rolls over and goes to sleep when she's done for the day. So they DO grow out of it. Still co sleeping though, and still having booby before nap time.

  2. #12
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    Just wanted to send you some hugs OP. With twins only 4 weeks old and your DS, you're probably in "survival mode" (I know I would be!!) so - whatever works, run with it!! IMO (and I could be wrong!) I think you have so much going on now that trying to change things could just put added pressure on yourself, your DH and DS.

    My DD didnt give up her bottles until just after her 2nd birthday. I dont think you're a bad parent, you are responding to your child's needs and are in a pretty busy / stressful time right now! Maybe once things get a bit more settled (not only for yourself but for DS too as Im sure he is having to adjust having twins in the family now) then you can begin to work on changes.

    Good luck

  3. #13
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    Default Parenting mistakes/regrets *vent*

    I don't see the problem with any of those things? Who cares if you rock him to sleep and he still has a bottle? I think you're being way too hard on yourself at a time you shouldn't be with newborn twins! He won't have a bottle forever or want you to rock him to sleep so enjoy it while it lasts. They're only little for so long. He's not going to go to school with a bottle. Go easy on yourself hey!

    By the way if it makes you feel any better my 2.5 year old still has a bottle of milk at night, sleeps with us, I pat her and cuddle her to sleep. She's one of the most outgoing happiest little kids I've ever come across. I'm certain my nurturing has made her how she is. I couldn't care less if anyone thinks shes 'too old' because i know shes not. 15 months is still a baby!! Let him have his comforts, especially now he is adjusting to new siblings. Now is not the time to change things.

  4. #14
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    My DD was the same at 15 months and I felt the same as you. She now sleeps in her own room, in her own bed and puts herself to sleep. She is two. Just to give you some hope

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Parenting mistakes/regrets *vent*

    You are doing a great job! You're nurturing your baby

    We had the same issue with dd bedsharing and refusing to go in the cot. I loved the night time cuddles but I really needed decent sleep, I wasn't getting it with her in the bed. At 18 months we put her in a toddler bed and never looked back. She still creeps into our bed some nights but it's not draining like it used to be.

  6. #16
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    I just wanted to add that i wish I could co-sleep with my bubs sometimes. I love those sleepy cuddles and man it would make it so much easier to get some decent sleep.

    But alas, he does not sleep well with me or on me. Much prefers his cot .

  7. #17
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    Please don't beat yourself up!! You have two brand new bubbas so I imagine sleep would be in short supply anyway.

    Even if your little one was a perfect sleeper before your new bubs were born it is extremely common for their sleep and other behaviour in general to regress badly anyway as they adjust to the big change to their life.

    Get through the next few weeks as best you can. Be kind to yourself.

    my DS was never a naturally good sleeper and we let him develop all sorts of habits that we regretted in hindsight but allowed at the time because we didnt want him to cry himself to sleep and we were just so desperate for a rest (we have had stages where he was fed every wake up, had to be rocked to sleep, could only be put in his cot if he was stone cold asleep, etc).

    i found a book called 'the no cry sleep solution' by Elizabeth pantley worked for us. Basically the book contains a whole heap of suggestions for helping your little one sleep better. The thing I liked about it was that there were some suggestions that could be implemented immediately and also strategies that you worked towards. It's about gradual improvement in stages that you and the little one can cope with. Maybe you could get it out of the library and have a read. It also educates you about babies sleeping in general and has strategies for younger babies too.

    my DS 22 months currently sleeps through the night in his big boy bed. We put him in, stay with him a little and then he does the last part of going to sleep all by himself without crying. As I said before I do expect a little regression when bub is born!

    good luck

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigZ View Post
    I'm not about to have a sook about anyone else, I just need to vent about what I have done myself that I am now regretting. I don't really need to be told I was wrong because I already think that myself.

    Someone once told me that it wasn't a problem unless I thought it was. At the time I didn't think any of it was a problem. But now, now I have regret in the things I have done as a parent. Infact I actually feel like a bit of a failure and well a pretty rotten parent really.

    DS is 15 months old and he is co-sleeping with us. Now we nevernplanned on that happening, it just happened and I didn't have a problem with it before because it allowed me to get more sleep or at least feel a bit more rested. It made night feeds easier so I could close my eyes and have a rest while he fed. But now I wish he was in a cot, he is waking in the middle of the night and climbing out of bed and then he's awake for another hour+ while we try and get him back to sleep. All those nights of getting a bit of a rest would probably have been better spent training him to sleep through the night in the cot.

    He's also still having bottles at night. We've tried weening him off it but we just suck at this parenting thing and we give in. We offer him water so that he might think its not worth waking up, it works on the odd occasion but we end up getting a bottle just to keep him happy if the water frustrates him coz it's not what he wants. Yes I think he is in control.

    He also gets rocked to sleep, I have been thinking about it a lot lately while rocking him and I just feel like such a bad parent for allowing this to go on. I don't think I should be rocking him to sleep still but it breaks my heart to hear him crying that allowing him to cry in the cot is so hard. I just need to suck it up and get it done.

    Problem is now that DS hates the cot and won't sleep in it so because we have now had twins which are 4 weeks old we have them using the cot. We figured he's never going to use it so we didn't want to buy another one for a twin when his was going to waste.

    I just hope we don't screw up with the twins as well.

    I could go on there are many things I feel like I am failing at. Just needed to get the sleeping off my chest. Maybe I'll air my regrets about other things later.
    Hi OP, hugs to you. I totally can relate to your post! As a first time parent, we never really knew what to do! And honestly, every baby is unique, even if they belonged to the same set of parents! We are never given a parenting manual and it is pointless really, cos babies have different personalities. We can discuss on the forums but ultimately, what works for one family may not work for another.

    With DS1, we basically went through the whole journey without the slightest knowledge about babies. He catnapped and basically was super hard to put down for bed. I was like 'Hey! I thought they say sleep like a baby??!! But my baby doesnt sleep!' So we ended up carrying and rocking to background music just to get him to sleep until he was 18 months. I couldnt take it anymore cos he was so heavy and I was battling depression. I had to cold turkey him, having him crawl around me crying putting himself to sleep. End of carrying. After that I would just lie down next to him and pretended to sleep and he would nap. Yes he began to have two nice naps when he became a toddler so there was light at the end of the tunnel! Then when he was 2-3YO we trained him to sleep in his own bed in his own room. There went nights when DH or me ended up sleeping in his room. But it ended not long after we managed to 'bribe' him with some rewards which he was willing to work for! Success! Today he is 7 and he goes to bed easily, sleeps in his own room no problem even without a light! There are nights when it is hot so we cosleep, he comes to our room, but other than that he is perfectly fine to sleep in his own room.

    With DS2, I didnt want the same thing happening. I read and read so much during pregnancy. But still caught many times after bub arrived. But knowledge is power (and can be confusing too). I have many times asked myself if this is right or true or wrong...etc. I asked many many questions on forums. I observe my DS2 a great deal when he slept/napped. I decided after all this reading that I must do all of us in the family a favor by training him to self settle. I was not ready for tears. But anyway I started working on it. It is a lot of work, reading up, asking, trialling a bit. But I am very glad to say that my efforts are paying off. DS2 now self settles fairly well and puts himself to sleep for naps and night. The worst crying was 20mins max, most sessions are just whining or protests. He falls asleep in 5 mins, sometimes amazingly 1 min. I really didnt want too much crying, I cannot take it, it breaks my heart. But I know it is the best for the whole family. So I must really say it is easier with DS2 than with DS1 because this time round I was armed with good information.

    Having said this, you are having twins. It's a lot of work. Some families are just ok with co-sleeping (we are not, only once a week is fine for us for extra bonding). We are all learning. Dont be discouraged. You are a good parent, just from the post you are writing, it shows! If you do have the time, read up forums and books (bit hard even for me!), different experiences from different mums help. After that, gather the information that you think is beneficial for you and use them for your parenting.

    Most importantly, enjoy your children. Remember, they are all different. Hugs!!!
    Last edited by Mom2TwoDSs; 19-02-2013 at 11:17.

  9. #19
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    you've done nothing wrong and are certainly not a failure at all! Might be time to try and move him into a big boy bed? Which would have been a transistion regardless of how you'd spent the first 15 months. I moved my boy into a bed at 14 months and it was very successful. Prior to that he had sort of been sleeping in a cot, but moreso in my bed. It's really NOT a biggie.
    I don't think the bottle through the night is really an issue either, it's not like he's 3.
    Try not to stress, you've done nothing wrong, everything will be fine! Keep in mind, your twinnies have each other so they have company through the night, where your big boy has only ever had you.

  10. #20
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    if this is the worst thing your doing as a parents you're doing an amazing job.
    I have 2 boys 14 months apart just like you with your twins, they are now 4 and almost 3.
    its hard working having them so close together let alone having twins as well.
    Give your self a break, your son will sleep though the night soon enough, why dont you get him a bed if he is not going to sleep in a cot, maybe you could even put it in your bedroom but make a big deal about it being his special bed.
    You forget just how young your oldest is he is still a baby.
    When my youngest came along i saw my oldest as being SOOOOoooo old and treated him so. I totally regret this.

    Give yourself a break, get some sleep and never be afraid to ask for help


 

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