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  1. #1
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    Default Parenting mistakes/regrets *vent*

    I'm not about to have a sook about anyone else, I just need to vent about what I have done myself that I am now regretting. I don't really need to be told I was wrong because I already think that myself.

    Someone once told me that it wasn't a problem unless I thought it was. At the time I didn't think any of it was a problem. But now, now I have regret in the things I have done as a parent. Infact I actually feel like a bit of a failure and well a pretty rotten parent really.

    DS is 15 months old and he is co-sleeping with us. Now we nevernplanned on that happening, it just happened and I didn't have a problem with it before because it allowed me to get more sleep or at least feel a bit more rested. It made night feeds easier so I could close my eyes and have a rest while he fed. But now I wish he was in a cot, he is waking in the middle of the night and climbing out of bed and then he's awake for another hour+ while we try and get him back to sleep. All those nights of getting a bit of a rest would probably have been better spent training him to sleep through the night in the cot.

    He's also still having bottles at night. We've tried weening him off it but we just suck at this parenting thing and we give in. We offer him water so that he might think its not worth waking up, it works on the odd occasion but we end up getting a bottle just to keep him happy if the water frustrates him coz it's not what he wants. Yes I think he is in control.

    He also gets rocked to sleep, I have been thinking about it a lot lately while rocking him and I just feel like such a bad parent for allowing this to go on. I don't think I should be rocking him to sleep still but it breaks my heart to hear him crying that allowing him to cry in the cot is so hard. I just need to suck it up and get it done.

    Problem is now that DS hates the cot and won't sleep in it so because we have now had twins which are 4 weeks old we have them using the cot. We figured he's never going to use it so we didn't want to buy another one for a twin when his was going to waste.

    I just hope we don't screw up with the twins as well.

    I could go on there are many things I feel like I am failing at. Just needed to get the sleeping off my chest. Maybe I'll air my regrets about other things later.

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  3. #2
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    Default Parenting mistakes/regrets *vent*

    Quote Originally Posted by bigZ View Post
    I'm not about to have a sook about anyone else, I just need to vent about what I have done myself that I am now regretting. I don't really need to be told I was wrong because I already think that myself.

    Someone once told me that it wasn't a problem unless I thought it was. At the time I didn't think any of it was a problem. But now, now I have regret in the things I have done as a parent. Infact I actually feel like a bit of a failure and well a pretty rotten parent really.

    DS is 15 months old and he is co-sleeping with us. Now we nevernplanned on that happening, it just happened and I didn't have a problem with it before because it allowed me to get more sleep or at least feel a bit more rested. It made night feeds easier so I could close my eyes and have a rest while he fed. But now I wish he was in a cot, he is waking in the middle of the night and climbing out of bed and then he's awake for another hour+ while we try and get him back to sleep. All those nights of getting a bit of a rest would probably have been better spent training him to sleep through the night in the cot.

    He's also still having bottles at night. We've tried weening him off it but we just suck at this parenting thing and we give in. We offer him water so that he might think its not worth waking up, it works on the odd occasion but we end up getting a bottle just to keep him happy if the water frustrates him coz it's not what he wants. Yes I think he is in control.

    He also gets rocked to sleep, I have been thinking about it a lot lately while rocking him and I just feel like such a bad parent for allowing this to go on. I don't think I should be rocking him to sleep still but it breaks my heart to hear him crying that allowing him to cry in the cot is so hard. I just need to suck it up and get it done.

    Problem is now that DS hates the cot and won't sleep in it so because we have now had twins which are 4 weeks old we have them using the cot. We figured he's never going to use it so we didn't want to buy another one for a twin when his was going to waste.

    I just hope we don't screw up with the twins as well.

    I could go on there are many things I feel like I am failing at. Just needed to get the sleeping off my chest. Maybe I'll air my regrets about other things later.
    Just wanted to say big hugs!! You have just had twins (congrats!) and I'm sure you are mentally and physically exhausted. None of the issues you have described seem that massive to me. I am not the most experienced parent but I still think that's the case. I rock my 8 month old to sleep still which I know loads of people would not agree with. He won't want or need you to do it when he is a lot older, that's what I keep telling myself!

    I would not worry about any of these things just now when your twins have just arrived. Just do whatever is easiest in the short term so you get as much peace and rest as possible. You can tackle the bottle/cot issues later, when you can perhaps cope with a few sleepless nights.

    I hope you don't think this is bad advice, and other hubbers might have some more practical advice, but for me the first 12 weeks were pure survival mode.

    xxx

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    I just scanned your op (sorry not thinking too well this early!!)

    but:

    we stopped dd cosleeping by buying her a big girl bed a bit before her second birthday. She still comes in most nights but its easier for one of us to go lay down either her in the single bed.

    bottles we only just got rid off (so have a few friends) our kids just weren't ready. Only reason they are gone now is she was eating heaps at tea/dessert then having a huge bottle and vomiting, it kind of forced our hand otherwise I'm sure she would still have it.

    we still pat dd1 to bed.

    i know how you feel sometimes, I think I've failed too but I try to remember that raising a kid is hard work and despite things like the above my dd is a pretty good kid.

    as easy as it is for me to say, don't be do hard on yourself! Try and focus on the great things your son does that you have taught him.

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    Just wanted to add there are things that I think we totally stuffed with dd1, and I know this time with dd2 (8 days old) I'm determined not to do the same thing so I've already been looking into info on how to get her sleeping better and a few other things.

    hope you can follow my posts, I'm literally falling asleep as I type!!

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    Default Parenting mistakes/regrets *vent*

    3 kids under 2? Thats a Tough job so go easy on yourself!

    If you want to change unnecessary behavior (no patting, no night feeds, no co-sleeping etc) then be prepared for a few nights- a week of protesting. Replace your DS's current sleep-aids with a super predictable bedtime routine, and super-consistency in implementation.

    But you have 4 week old twins.... Those first few months are tough perhaps it's not the best time to change things up with your DS? You don't want to add to your own stress. Unless you can get a friend or relative to stay with you and help out (really help out!) for a couple of weeks.

    My bub is a great sleeper but there are still things I will do differently with nr 2:
    - enjoy the early days more, enjoy playing with newborn (stuff the cleaning!)
    - no TV when trying to give bub the bed time feed (this was the cause of a 6 week evening witching hour period!)


    Good luck

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigZ View Post
    I'm not about to have a sook about anyone else, I just need to vent about what I have done myself that I am now regretting. I don't really need to be told I was wrong because I already think that myself.

    Someone once told me that it wasn't a problem unless I thought it was. At the time I didn't think any of it was a problem. But now, now I have regret in the things I have done as a parent. Infact I actually feel like a bit of a failure and well a pretty rotten parent really.

    DS is 15 months old and he is co-sleeping with us. Now we nevernplanned on that happening, it just happened and I didn't have a problem with it before because it allowed me to get more sleep or at least feel a bit more rested. It made night feeds easier so I could close my eyes and have a rest while he fed. But now I wish he was in a cot, he is waking in the middle of the night and climbing out of bed and then he's awake for another hour+ while we try and get him back to sleep. All those nights of getting a bit of a rest would probably have been better spent training him to sleep through the night in the cot.

    He's also still having bottles at night. We've tried weening him off it but we just suck at this parenting thing and we give in. We offer him water so that he might think its not worth waking up, it works on the odd occasion but we end up getting a bottle just to keep him happy if the water frustrates him coz it's not what he wants. Yes I think he is in control.

    He also gets rocked to sleep, I have been thinking about it a lot lately while rocking him and I just feel like such a bad parent for allowing this to go on. I don't think I should be rocking him to sleep still but it breaks my heart to hear him crying that allowing him to cry in the cot is so hard. I just need to suck it up and get it done.

    Problem is now that DS hates the cot and won't sleep in it so because we have now had twins which are 4 weeks old we have them using the cot. We figured he's never going to use it so we didn't want to buy another one for a twin when his was going to waste.

    I just hope we don't screw up with the twins as well.

    I could go on there are many things I feel like I am failing at. Just needed to get the sleeping off my chest. Maybe I'll air my regrets about other things later.
    The bit I bolded means you're not a bad parent. You care and love your children. We all make mistakes hon and it happens. What you've done is not life threatening.. it is not going to turn your child into some hobo or mess him up...

    Try not to be so hard with yourself

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  10. #7
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    Bigz honestly those "mistakes" are really not all that bad. It isn't hurting your child. You have been doing what works for your family and that is all anyone can do.

    I have often heard people say your first is there to make "mistakes" with so you can learn for your next. So don't think you are going to stuff your twins up because of the situation you are in with your first (not that you have stuffed your first up either). You will be more experienced and be able to do what works best for you all.

    My nephew who is now 6.5 years old was rocked to sleep and could have no noise around him while asleep until he was 2 or more. He is now an extremely bright and caring little boy who is just thriving at school. So there is no reason this wont be the case for you also.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you are doing an amazing job.

    Big

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    Default Parenting mistakes/regrets *vent*

    If those are parenting mistakes then I am a very bad parent indeed! I thought they were being a loving parent lol. Really you have to do what ever works. Google jay Gordon night weaning which might give you some help for the night bottles. 15 months is just a baby, I look back at how I tried to push my son into his own bed etc etc when I had just had another baby and it breaks my heart.

  12. #9
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    God it doesn't sound to me like you've made any mistakes at all! You might have made things harder on yourself by having a child who is so dependant on you to fall asleep, but it's better for him in my opinion. You allowed your boy to do what he needs to do to feel safe and sleep happily, that can't be a mistake. With newborn twins I'd say everything you've done probably feels like a mistake right now because you're completely exhausted, but when things settle down you can re-assess and if you need to change things then, you can. I would not beat yourself up over this at all. (But I hope you can get some proper sleep soon).

  13. #10
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    You haven't failed at a thing, it sounds like you are responding to your baby in a very loving way? Why so guilty?


 

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