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  1. #1
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    Default how do u bond with your babe?

    whe did bonding happen for you and your bub? what does it feel like?
    do u think u can try to hard to form a bond with ypur baby? shouldnt it come on naturally, in its own time?

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    Interesting. For me, I didn't do anything in particular to try to bond, it was just something that happened. Through caring and looking after DS, talking to him, spending time with him, lots and lots of singing silly songs, lots of eye contact, some baby massage. For us it came naturally and in it's own time and was definitely not something I stressed over or even thought about really.

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    Bonding can happen anytime from in utero to a few months old I believe. I felt an instant bond with my baby as soon as I heard her cry when she was born, but later it deepened when she was a few weeks old and had to have antibiotics (after a possible exposure to whooping cough). The protective instinct kicked in and I felt very close to her after that. I think if you have a lot of stress at home, or a baby who cries often, it can make the bonding process a little slower. Spending more quiet time with bubs can help you to bond, taking naps together so you can watch them sleep and just stare into that peaceful sleeping face. I think wearing baby in a sling/carrier also really helps, I always feel very bonded to my little girl when I'm wearing her. PND can prevent bonding, so get that checked out if you think it's a possibility, but I have heard that it can take some time to bond with a new baby, particularly after a difficult birth. For me, the bond deepens every day, the more she responds to me. Sometimes it can be hard to bond with a baby who isn't yet responsive to you, but that will increase day by day.

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    Default how do u bond with your babe?

    If I have a day where I don't feel as connected with DS2 (11 wks old), I do skin to skin while i feed him. I'm breastfeeding but I imagine its the same if bottle feeding. I'm always amazed at how I feel much closer to him while doing it and it reminds me that we do have a strong bond, I'm just not as aware of it as I was with DS1

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    Default how do u bond with your babe?

    I was worried about bonding with my DS after he was born because I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding and I had D-MER which made me feel depressed a lot. Plus I was just so anxious all the time because I was exhausted.

    I asked my midwife when DS was a few weeks if she thinks we had bonded coz I hadn't felt it. I had no idea what it felt like.

    It just happened naturally after that. I can't remember when or how, there wasn't a time where I specifically thought 'we r bonding' but when I look at him now, I just know. He's 20 months and he's the love of my life

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    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    Default how do u bond with your babe?

    I feel really bonded to my DS from the day they did the amnio to test for his chromosomal disorder the protectiveness over him just hit me. And now that I'm 23 weeks knowing I will need to fight for him because being "sick" he won't automatically given help other babies would get and just the last few days he's actually started kicking, something I was told I may never feel. I can't imagine the intensity when he's born

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    Default Re: how do u bond with your babe?

    With dd I felt a bond the moment we walked out of the 12 week nt scan after finding out she was only 11 weeks and we would have to have another scan. I decided not to go back for the nt scan because I already loved her so much and didn't want to be faced with a decision if scan results didn't come back in our favour.

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    It's not something I had to think about, it just happened during pregnancy before bub was even born. This was the case with both boys.

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    Tiger Grip does it.

    Just kidding *chuckle*. Honestly? I didn't feel like I'd properly bonded with my bub until he was about three months old.
    We were up early, the sun had just come up. I was sitting on the couch with him and for some reason he was so smiley and happy. He kept grinning every time he looked at me and that was when I knew I'd just completely fallen head over heals in love with him .

    I think I was just too overwhelmed for the first few months. Exhaustion and confusion pretty much prevented me from doing anything other than existing as a robot. After a few months, once I knew what I was doing I gradually fell more and more in love with him. So don't be suprised if it takes time.
    I felt guilty for a long time that I didn't melt instantly but now I do daily. Even if he is a grotty, noisy pre-schooler

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    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    Bonding didn't come naturally for DS and I. Not at all. I can now pinpoint the 2 moments that I believe had the most detrimental effect on our bonding. Those were an extremely fast labour, 6 weeks early, where he was literally ripped out of me and taken straight away, and the second was a comment by a NICU nurse about the way I touched him the very first time I ever touched him (at 14 hours old). She said that how I was stroking him with my thumb was causing him to be distressed (which was untrue).
    I'm so sorry to hear that Citrus Now that I think about it, I had an emergency c-section after a very traumatic labour with DS and I didn't get to even see him for about 14 hours afterwards too.
    And then when I did get to see him it was like he wasn't even my baby iykwim? He was the spitting image of me but I couldn't link him with the baby that was in my stomach for 9 months.
    I think that probably had a very significant effect on my inability to bond with him early on.


 

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