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  1. #11
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    What would happen if you let her go to bed whenever she wanted? If she stayed up late and then had a terrible day the next day, maybe she would learn something?

    I remember when I was 10 I was allowed to go to bed when I wanted - I chose to go to bed and read at 8.30, lights off at 9, because if I didn't then the next day would suck lol

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    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  3. #12
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    Default Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    I have 13 dss. 12 dd and 9.5 ds and they go to bed at 8:30 school nights. Weekends whatever time they want. I have 2 going through puberty and as much as I would like to say its af. I think she is just fatigued. I get short with people and forgetful when I haven't had enough sleep. Routines are good and bak chat it doesn't get better I'm afraid but hang in there your doing a great job xx

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    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gothel View Post
    I can't comment on a lot of this cos my eldest is 5, but she hates going to bed, she's one if those kids that finds it hard to wind down and has always been like this since a baby. She has been going crazy with a 7.30pm bedtime, it means she is lying awake until after 9pm. I was reluctant to push her bedtime out esp with her starting prep recently. But it was getting to crisis point, she was getting frustrated beyond what was reasonable, and one night she woke at 10pm and cried for 20 mins cos now she had to get to sleep all over again.
    Anyway we compromised, I said that I thought she needed the sleep, but if she proved to me that she was a big grown up girl, and didn't get upset or cross, then she could stay up till 8pm. The next evening she lost it over something small so went to bed at 7.30 (protesting very loudly) but the following evening she held it together and was very pleased with herself, being allowed to stay up late. It also gives her a sense of being older than her little sister.

    I don't know if that is relevant to you, as your dd is older, but I do think it's important to give kids some sense of control in decision making when it's something that affects them so much.
    This is what I was thinking, that I could compromise a little more but on the condition that she gets up in the morning without a big tantrum, does her homework BEFORE dinner, and if there are any outbursts that look to be a result of being tired, that she will be back to earlier bedtimes.
    I would love to let her do her own bed time, but she would seriously stay up all night if I didn't force her to go to bed (she's her mother's daughter hehehehe!!)

    I really want her to be able to control a few of these things herself, I just really worry about her as I know she so exhausted, she's barely keeping it together, I'm worried 9pm is too late (I already compromised to 8:30 but its still earlier than everyone else apparently), but I guess it can't be worse than what's happening now.

    I also bought her crop tops (or sports bras) last year coz it was turning into a MASSIVE deal, but now she wants the proper bra looking ones and I just refuse to do it out of principle.

    When she's calm, she's really rational and lovely and apologises for being feral, but she just loses it so easily when she's tired. She is so much like me its scary! Why does this parenting business have to be so bloody hard!!!??

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    Default Re: Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    I agree with the others that said to choose your battles. It sounds like you're already doing that, but maybe it could go a bit further? I mean do you really monitor her ipod use? Really? (Sorry, not my place to comment on that, but that was my first thought when I read it).

    I just know from experience that if you try and control too much then as soon as they're given the chance they literally act like a dog let off a chain, and that's when you start getting real life affecting problems, unlike wearing a bra from a young age or listening to inappropriate music.

    If she's so like you, what worked for you when you were 10? What was your bed time?

    Teenagers need a lot more sleep, but regardless of what time they go to bed they're always going to have trouble getting up in the morning, that's just what happens at that age.

    Good luck finding something that works :thumbup:

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    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Disbride View Post
    I agree with the others that said to choose your battles. It sounds like you're already doing that, but maybe it could go a bit further? I mean do you really monitor her ipod use? Really? (Sorry, not my place to comment on that, but that was my first thought when I read it).

    I just know from experience that if you try and control too much then as soon as they're given the chance they literally act like a dog let off a chain, and that's when you start getting real life affecting problems, unlike wearing a bra from a young age or listening to inappropriate music.

    If she's so like you, what worked for you when you were 10? What was your bed time?

    Teenagers need a lot more sleep, but regardless of what time they go to bed they're always going to have trouble getting up in the morning, that's just what happens at that age.

    Good luck finding something that works :thumbup:

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    My bedtime was definitely WAY before 9pm!

    We are actually on the MUCH MUCH less strict side as parents, compared to most of my friends at this school with their kids. Generally speaking my kids can get away with a bit of swearing, they don't have to keep their rooms particularly tidy, they are allowed sleepovers a LOT, weekends are often very late nights etc. I am strict about TV and movies and diet though- but in saying that, we will have desserts and treats, but I refuse to stock the pantry with packaged crap.

    I definitely monitor her ipod use! I think it would be HIGHLY irresponsible not to! She is still allowed youtube and Safari, but it scares the hell out of me what she may be watching, who she might be chatting to etc. Most nights I have to take it off her when she goes to bed or she would play games on it/text her friends all night! Thats pretty normal, I thought at that age? Most people I know with older kids take their phone off them at night and monitor its use at other times. I don't mean like checking everything (I don't read her messages or go through her history), but I do keep an eye on things.

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    I am very strict on bed times as my kids need their sleep to function well at school. My 9yr goes to bed at 7 and 11yr at 7.30 and the 13 at 8.30pm.
    My line to the other kids have/do is well I am not their mum I am yours and these are the rules. Once you have set a rule keep it. If you give in, you are teaching her that the rule doesn't matter, you can always bend or brake it.
    Involve her in making any new rules/routines but you have the final say. Explain why you want her to xyz.
    Now is the time to teach her to respect your rules as in 3 to 4 years if you haven't you will be in for a world of pain IYKIM.

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  11. #17
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    I'm glad other kids have similar bed times, I thought extending it to 8:30 (with her being able to read to she was sleepy then turn the light off when she was ready) was a pretty fair rule! But she still thinks its unfair as all her friends are allowed up later.

    I am more than happy to negotiate the rules, but ony if it is done properly, if she comes to me and presents her case and says why she fees like that, and then I can think about it, present my case etc, and as long as in the end it was understood that as the parent, i have the end say. Thats how it worked in my family anyway. I'm not gonna negotiate when shes screaming at me that she hates me because I treat her like a baby!
    Hopefully she really is like me, I argued with every.single.thing my parents said, but always did what I was told in the end. As opposed to my husband who was scared of his mum and wouldn't argue ever, but did it all behind her back

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    Default Re: Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    Re the ipod - sorry I thought you meant it was just an ipod - as in music and maybe movies, didn't realise you were talking about an ipod touch, with chatting and games and stuff.

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    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Disbride View Post
    Re the ipod - sorry I thought you meant it was just an ipod - as in music and maybe movies, didn't realise you were talking about an ipod touch, with chatting and games and stuff.
    Whoops sorry I should've said ipod touch!

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    My 9.5yo DD can also be difficult to get to bed...her official bedtime is 7.30pm, but in my head it is 8, she just doesn't know that as she faffs around so much it it usually 8 by the time she gets there! She has always had troubl settling from the time she was tiny and I have always had a firm bedtime routine. She is allowed to stay up a bit later on weekends if we are home.

    She is FERAL (ie emotional, cries at the drop of a hat, irritable and mopey) if she doesn't get enough sleep! I have noticed she is more emotional in the last 6mths (and she is developing) or so, but it seems to come in waves - I think when her hormone levels rise. It is different to the sleep-deprived emotion....

    She often tells me kids go to bed later than her etc etc, but I just tell I know what she is like when she hasn't had enough sleep, and I think she can recognise that she doesn't cope without enough sleep. If she is losing it (usually in the evening), I will often give her a big cuddle and reassure her she will feel better after some sleep. I am trying to teach her to be in touch with how she is feeling and learn to cope and deal with her emotions and not let them overwhelm her.

    Maybe taking her out for a "coffee" or something, just the two of you to talk about it away from home, where she can't lose it at you, will help you to have a reasonable discussion??


 

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