+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 23
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    4,125
    Thanks
    1,810
    Thanked
    1,694
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    My 10 yr old DD has never liked going to bed, even as a baby. She was the baby who would scream every night to stay up, but once she was asleep she slept through from a very young age. As a toddler- same thing. And now, as a 10 yr old, STILL she thinks its really unfair that I get to stay up when she has to go to bed. I have tried to compromise and say bed at 8 (lately 8:30 in an attempt to be more 'fair'), and then she can read with the lamp on til she feels tired, then she has to turn her light off and go to sleep. This worked well, allowing her to control when she actually went to sleep, and we had a good routine going that was conducive to sleep. But she compares herself to her friends ALL the friggin time, and apparently I'm treating her like a baby and everyone else has a bedtime of 9pm or later- or no bed time at all. So she basically forces herself to stay awake til 10-11, sometimes later. She is the type of kid that really needs a lot of sleep (like me), and her body is just not coping at all with the lack of sleep. She is really tired, she is like a complete zombie every single morning, she is have trouble concentrating at school, shes already disorganised and now even worse, forgetting her homework constantly etc. Every single morning we just fight, because she is half asleep and it literally takes her 30-40 mins to put on her dress and shoes!

    I just don't know what to do, shes a complete mess. She's crying every night because of the dramas she has at school with her 'friends', because everyone else is allowed to wear a bra (I've compromised and bought her crop tops but refuse to buy into the ridiculous marketing of bras to little girls), because everyone else is allowed stringers, roll ups and whatever other rubbish her friends get to rot their teeth and bodies in their lunch box, because we monitor her ipod use, because she has a bed time etc. She has also developed this horrible attitude, and answers back to everything I say. I believe my kids should be able to challenge the rules, but in the end they have to accept what I decide. I have compromised on a lot, and am not wlling to compromise further. I'm trying really hard to remain calm with her, to remember to remind her about her homework, to be patient in the morning etc, but tbh, my temper is short at the best of times, and I have 4 other kids (inc baby twins) that also need my attention.

    I know a lot is probably hormonal, some is due to my sh!t r'ship with her dad (we are still married), but I think the main thing is she just exhausted! Its disrupting our already chaotic family, and my husband and I can't agree on how to handle it, he has even less patience than me and was brought up very authoritarian so he thinks I'm doing it all wrong by allowing her to even have an opinion on things. My marriage is hanging by a thread, and this is really making it a lot worse.

    Help, anyone?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    4,125
    Thanks
    1,810
    Thanked
    1,694
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Maybe, she hasn't got boobs yet though- do they usually come first? I'm really worried about her, she's just so tired and completely unable to control her emotions, the hast few nights has been so teary and sad and angry and doesn't know why. I hate seeing her like this

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    1,237
    Thanks
    599
    Thanked
    271
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Im really trying to think of something here but all I got is to maybe speak to her school shrink if they have one. Put the story to her/him and see if they can talk to her or give you some pointers.....

    Or just let her stay up later? Give her that option so *maybe* she thinks you have given in and will eventually work it out herself that her body needs more hours of sleep.... Im sorry, I really cant think of much....

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Cleigh For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    6,095
    Thanks
    399
    Thanked
    747
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I had a rule when my older children were around that age to let them control their own bedtime.

    Bedtime was 7pm, plus the amount of time they had gotten up before 7am that day.

    So to be able to stay up to 9pm, they had to be up at 5am.

    I thought it worked out fairly well, and generally settled into a 6am-8pm day, but my kids (now much older) insist it was a terrible idea and just meant they were tired all the time.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to sweetseven For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I was like that at that age before AF showed up. Lol. I remember it quite clearly. I'm still a really bad sleeper, tbh, but it's slowly getting there.

    At 10, she'd be a relatively intelligent person, and have some logic and reasoning skills. Maybe sit down with her after the rest of the kids have gone to bed and have a "grown up" conversation with her, ask her why she feels like she needs to compare her life to that of her friends, etc, and make her actually think about it. Or let her have her 9PM bed time, but it means there's no reading and as soon as she goes to bed, lights off and time for sleep. Explain that "no bedtime" is unacceptable, that even adults have a bed time or they suffer the consequences the next day and don't have the luxury of acting out about it toward their peers/parental units, etc. And that if she wants the responsibility of no bed time, that means it comes with the responsibility of acting calmly and normally the rest of the next day, no matter how tired she is.
    Or explain to her that her friends lack of sleep directly affects their behaviors the next day, and if she doesn't like the way her friends behave, then perhaps she would want to avoid acting like them by getting the appropriate amount of rest needed.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Jennaisme For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  9. #6
    AdornedWithCats's Avatar
    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Winner 2014 - Best Username

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    7,816
    Thanks
    6,779
    Thanked
    3,407
    Reviews
    17
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 12/6/15Funniest Caption400 Posts in a week300 posts in a week

    Default Re: Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    Hmm could she be winding up to starting to get her AF?
    I agree with this.

    I got my first af at 10.5 years and started to have trouble with sleeping and homework then. And it was almost impossible to get out of bed in the morning. My bbs didnt really get big enough for a bra until i was 12 though.

    By the time of was almost 13 i was exhausted and upset all the time and because my Mum was iron deficient she thought to take me to a gp for a blood test and it did turn out i was iron deficient.

    Good luck with your daughter...she will be growing and changing heaps in the next few of years and probably wants more control of her own life and decisions...i know i did at that age

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using BubHub

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to AdornedWithCats For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    6,718
    Thanks
    3,789
    Thanked
    3,838
    Reviews
    17
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 14/11/14100 Posts in a week

    Default Re: Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    Hmm could she be winding up to starting to get her AF?
    I agree with this but I hate the "she must be getting her rags" mentality at the hint of a bad mood. I know it is the age when things start happening. I know. I'm not trying to start an argument. I just remember never being *listened* to from that age on because "maybe she's getting her period" or "its just hormones, she'll get over it". Iykwim.

    I do think a grown up talk to her is a good approach. I also think 8 pm might be a little early for a 10 year old. Maybe stretch it to 8.30 or 9 pm after a talk and some negotiations. A lot of shows on TV finish at that time anyway. That way it is a win win situation. I also like the idea of choosing your own bedtime on the weekends.

    For the record when I was younger my routine was dinner, dishes, bath time, TV (home and away followed by A country practice). As soon as the credits came on to signal the end of a country practice each night that was the cue to go to bed. If we weren't in bed by the time the credits finished.. :thumbdown:

    Sent from my magical black talky thingy using bubhub

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DesperatelySeekingSleep For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013),Disbride  (18-02-2013)

  13. #8
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Re: Need advice re 10 yr old girl sleep/behaviour etc PLEASE!!!

    I can't comment on a lot of this cos my eldest is 5, but she hates going to bed, she's one if those kids that finds it hard to wind down and has always been like this since a baby. She has been going crazy with a 7.30pm bedtime, it means she is lying awake until after 9pm. I was reluctant to push her bedtime out esp with her starting prep recently. But it was getting to crisis point, she was getting frustrated beyond what was reasonable, and one night she woke at 10pm and cried for 20 mins cos now she had to get to sleep all over again.
    Anyway we compromised, I said that I thought she needed the sleep, but if she proved to me that she was a big grown up girl, and didn't get upset or cross, then she could stay up till 8pm. The next evening she lost it over something small so went to bed at 7.30 (protesting very loudly) but the following evening she held it together and was very pleased with herself, being allowed to stay up late. It also gives her a sense of being older than her little sister.

    I don't know if that is relevant to you, as your dd is older, but I do think it's important to give kids some sense of control in decision making when it's something that affects them so much.

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Gothel For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  15. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,004
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    DD1 can be an utter nightmare at 7.5 - I'm dreading 10 yo!

    Sorry no advice - no doubt I'll be here then asking the same questions!!

  16. The Following User Says Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    44
    Thanks
    25
    Thanked
    19
    Reviews
    0
    My 10 this year girls go to bed at 7, lights off at 730, then probably asleep by 8-830. Personally, 9 is way to late to start preparing for sleep by the time they settle and muck about it would be 10 or after.

    We have similar battles of wills, I think they are trying to see what they can and can not get control over. In saying that they work better with structure and boundaries. I am currently reading a book that was recommended to me called the parent child game by Sue Jenner which explores the battles and how to overcome them.

    I think it is an age/development thing, I wouldn't put it down to periods and hormones entirely.

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to escapee For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. help my baby girl sleep through the night!
    By jkaya in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 17-09-2012, 06:14
  2. help my baby girl sleep through the night!
    By jkaya in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 14-09-2012, 16:33
  3. Help/Advice with a 5 month old baby girl
    By MummyJuls in forum Babies (3 - 6 months)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-06-2012, 16:22

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Springfree Trampoline
Give the Ultimate Christmas Gift Springfree Trampoline
The World's Safest Trampoline™ is now also the world's first Smart Trampoline™. Sensors on the mat detect your every move and your jumps control fun, educational and active games on tablet. Secure the Ultimate Christmas Gift today!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
Ro and Co
Ro and Co kids cooking classes and parties are a fantastic way for children to experiment with food. The classes and parties are designed to be both educational and fun, giving your child the skills they need to be confident and creative in the kitchen.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!