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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candiceo View Post
    Without going into long drawn out details my situation is that i'm pregnant with the help of a sperm donor. My female partner gave birth to our first child. I'm finding some comments offensive but I don't know if it's just my hormones or if they are actually offensive?

    Here's some examples of what ppl say to me:

    1. Your baby is a half sibling to your first child.

    2. Your family is so engineered.

    3. Your partner should carry all the babies so they are properly related.

    4. Don't say donor (as in sperm donor) cause that sounds horrible, you should say 'dad' instead.

    5. Did you have the same partner as your partner had?

    6. Does your first childs father know your pregnant?

    The weird questions are driving me insane and I'm becoming depressed and have some anxiety issues every time I tell ppl I'm pregnant because I know ill have to deal with questions like this

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    I think it depends on who is saying it and in what context.


    1) is just rude...my children have different fathers but there is no "half" rubbish used. They are brother and sister....just as DS has another brother and sister by his bio dad.

    2) I would turn it into a compliment "yes, we put a lot of thought and love into it and are very proud of our family"

    3) rude and judgemental...head but them and walk away

    4) donor is the correct term...a dad has a role in the babes life. repeat answer for question 3

    5) I am my partners partner and she is mine...i am confused by your idiotic question

    6) I am assuming that the person who asked this is slightly clueless lol

    After going through IVF, i sometimes ask questions that i think are normal and have others think is weird...when you have lived it, it becomes less "secret and personal" but I see women on here that freak out when asked about IVF so i know it is different for everyone.

    I think it really depends on the person and how they deliver it...if you feel offended, then chances are the person is being rude!

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    Candiceo  (16-02-2013),risfaerie  (15-02-2013)

  3. #12
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    Those questions are hideous. I agree, if it were a person I was reasonably close to, I may ask question 5, but only under certain circumstances.
    A friend's older sister had donor eggs for her pregnancies, I remember her pregnant and hormonal and crying after similar questions were asked of her.

    "I'm not comfortable discussing this with you" is a highly appropriate blanket answer! Or, common assault with the "I'm hormonal and pregnant" excuse

  4. #13
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    Default Re: Rude or am I over sensitive?

    Thanks for the replies everyone -regarding context - most of the time I do think that ppl are just being innocently curious and thats ok. I answer honestly.

    I don't even mind really direct questions and I can tell if ppl are respectful because they mirror the terminology I answer with eg 'donor' even if they originally said 'dad' they start saying 'donor'. Thats cool too.

    It's just depressing when the person has already made their own judgements on my family and subtly tries to convince me that their view is right even tho it's my and my partners life, family and decisions.

    At first I didn't mind the questions and just laughed it off later with my partner but lately it just frustrates me, maybe because my baby is getting bigger in my belly and is starting to feel like a real little person and not a concept thats open for debate.

    River Song - I love your head butt idea - too funny!

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  5. #14
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    Default Rude or am I over sensitive?

    Rude - every Single one.

  6. #15
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    Default Re: Rude or am I over sensitive?

    Personally I would tell then to go f themselves. Just because you are who u are how does that give anyone the right to judge u or what u do. How is this any different to a hetro couple going through ivf. Its not. (Im talking about ivf when either partner is sterile). Also the questions bout same dad n why yr partner is not carrying both im sorry but this is highly rude considering the first donor could of died or anything n whats wrong with u carrying a child. Every women deserves to carry a chold of they want to.
    Seriously some people need a high five across the face

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  7. #16
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    Default Rude or am I over sensitive?

    1, 2, 3, 4 & 6 I would find offensive. 5 I would think is pure curiosity.

    I still think it's nobody's place to say any of those to anyone in a same-sex relationship with kids. It's disgusting IMO.

  8. #17
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    Default Rude or am I over sensitive?

    I think they are all pretty obnoxious and rude, sometimes I wonder what folks are thinking with the stupidity they come out with!


 

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