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  1. #11
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    Ok to give you some back ground, dh and I have been having troubles for quite some time now. A few times this year I have felt something was amiss and checked his Internet history, emails, phone and both times I have found p0rn. This latest time I found lots of it and was angry. He asked why I was angry and I told him. After 11+ years of him telling me he had no interest in it I was shocked and angry. He's angry that I checked up on him and has changed all of his access codes to everything. He says he's offended that I don't trust him(which I can understand). He also stated at the same time that he looked because he's lonely(we haven't been intimate in 6months +) and he also said he's suspected many times throughout our relationship that I have cheated on him but doesn't think I currently am(truth be told, even though I am not attracted to him and haven't been for a while, I still haven't even looked at another guy).

    i agree I shouldn't have looked at his stuff, by in my defense, I always follow my gut feeling. I am so hurt by his reaction to what's happened and every time I see him on his phone or iPad I can't help but think that that's what he's looking at. For me, I feel that this is yet again another deal breaker added to a long pile of deal breakers in our relationship and that I really need to leave. We're currently living in the same house, but I've been living in the lounge room for a while now anyway, but I feel I need to make it permanent and move out.

  2. #12
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    I like privacy in my relationship, when I talk to my friends, sisters and friends about their stuff he doesn't need to know the ins and outs and so he doesn't have passwords to any of my things. That said, I have nothing to hide so if he wanted to look at my emails he could, but it is more privacy for the things my sisters and friends tell me, as they expect to be talking to me, not having their personal emails to me read by Dh etc. I don't have his passwords for any work emails, facebook etc but I don't feel like I need to. On his phone I will scroll his messages if I am waiting somewhere and bored and he does it to me.

    It's all relative though. If I had suspicions of anything and DH refused to give me passwords it would make me more upset, but we have never really had that happen in our relationship. If he has never ever done anything bad to lose your trust and you need control over his passwords and all accounts and he doesn't like that, then I would annoyed if I were him to be honest. So I guess it depends on the circumstances.

  3. #13
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    Default Privacy in a relationship??

    Quote Originally Posted by lalala View Post
    i agree I shouldn't have looked at his stuff, by in my defense, I always follow my gut feeling. I am so hurt by his reaction to what's happened and every time I see him on his phone or iPad I can't help but think that that's what he's looking at. For me, I feel that this is yet again another deal breaker added to a long pile of deal breakers in our relationship and that I really need to leave. We're currently living in the same house, but I've been living in the lounge room for a while now anyway, but I feel I need to make it permanent and move out.
    I had the same feeling for a while when dp was on his computer or phone. If he doesn't want to work on it then I don't think anything can be done I hope things work out for you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I think that it doesn't matter what the privacy agreement is, as long as both parties are comfortable with.
    I agree with this.

    My phone has a passcode - otherwise ds knows how to access it, and I don't like that. Also, I like it for added security purposes if I were to lose it. I don't think dh knows the passcode, and I have changed it before and he has not been suspicious. There is no reason to be suspicious, though. If he asked he could definitely look.

    I don't even know if his phone is passcoded - that is how little I care!

    My iPad is the one thing I will not give him access to. It is like my bible for uni/prac and he likes to experiment and do things with it and show me how he 'can make my life easier if you just change this to this' etc. and I literally have a panic attack. He can't touch it. My laptop I am a little precious about, for similar reasons, but def not as extreme.

    Both our facebooks are private, but approx a year ago he asked me to see if I could guess his password and I got it in about three seconds. He is predictable. I just checked then, and he has not changed it. I don't know if he knows my password, but considering approx 3 of my girlfriends do it wouldn't surprise me and I would have no problem handing it over.

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    Agree with above poster!

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by αληθη View Post
    I had the same feeling for a while when dp was on his computer or phone. If he doesn't want to work on it then I don't think anything can be done I hope things work out for you.
    That's something else really frustrating me. On the very night I came back to the house to sit and talk and try to work things out(like he keeps begging me to do), he has a history of looking at p0rn, most probably while home with the kids. I am so confused. I am not happy and haven't been for quite some time, I want to leave, but don't I owe it to my kids to know I have given it my best shot?

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    I think you owe it to your kids to be happy and well

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    αληθη  (12-02-2013),JessicaBailey  (12-02-2013),lalala  (12-02-2013)

  9. #18
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    Have you tried marriage counseling?

  10. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by lalala View Post
    That's something else really frustrating me. On the very night I came back to the house to sit and talk and try to work things out(like he keeps begging me to do), he has a history of looking at p0rn, most probably while home with the kids. I am so confused. I am not happy and haven't been for quite some time, I want to leave, but don't I owe it to my kids to know I have given it my best shot?
    Men are strange. Dp begged me to come back to him, then I found out he was still doing what he was doing so I gave him an ultimatum and he genuinely decided 'real ladies are better than online ladies'.
    It's not you who needs to give it your best shot if he won't step up to the plate

  11. #20
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    Default Re: Privacy in a relationship??

    In your situation, it's an issue. But in mine, where there aren't any trust issues, I wouldn't be fussed if dh had passwords on everything that I don't know. If I asked he'd tell me and vise versa, but I don't have a reason to ask


 

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