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  1. #21
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    Default MIL moving in... Tips?

    Yes I think we need to have a sit down and talk everything through.

    She has been living with and looking after other people for so long, that her idea of personal space is a lot different to mine.

    DF wants her to come live with us so she can have a break from those that depend on and take from her (like adult SIL who still needs MIL to do her laundry etc etc), and actually start enjoying her retirement.

    Nice in theory! I don't think he thought about what that might mean for us.

    How does it all work? For instance, if we want friends over for a dinner party? Does MIL come to? Or do we banish her upstairs? Seems a little mean.

    I've been thinking a roster might be good for us too, because I have a feeling DF is gonna get super lazy with two women in the house.

    I just hope MIL doesn't try to fill her days with trying to look after and baby us, because that will frustrate the hell out of me!

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    Default Re: MIL moving in... Tips?

    Your MIL,(in my experience) will inevitably be included in all your in home plans. Unless you manage to get a granny flat for her or she volunteers to get out of your hair for the night. She has been invited to be part of your family and household. That is to be expected now, unfortunately.

    Get a house, or give her a bedroom away from yours and preferable a brick house. thin walls and all



    Sent from my magical black talky thingy using bubhub

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    Ah MIL problems! LOL. Me and my MIL don’t get along fine but we’re civil…anyway, with regards to your problem, have you thought about building a granny flat in the back (if you’ve got enough space that is)? She could live with you but in a separate house.

  4. #24
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    Oh my goodness!

    I would be livid if my DH made an offer like that without asking my opinion. And your MIL should have politely declined...I am sure she must know it's expecting far too much of you.

    What about when she gets older and possibly starts to require some degree of care?

    I think I'm more stressed about it now than you are...LOL! For the record, I think your approach of "how do we make the best of it" is very commendable.

    I agree than you need separate spaces and clear boundaries. Hopefully she will respect the way you parent, live your life, keep house, interact with your DH etc. If she starts being critical, I would sit down with her and explain that you are keen to make this work and ask her to respect your way of doing things.

    Good luck!

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    Oh, oh, oh....

    My ex MIL shifted in with me n the ex - it was the second most gawd-dammed awful time of my life.

    Set boundaries very early, have a family contract, have very clear expectations and make sure she has at LEAST 4 weeks away per year, and YOU have some time away from the house WITHOUT her as well.

    Also work out what you will do when/if she needs nursing care.

    Good luck.

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    Oh the title itself makes me shudder. I just couldn't do it... Good luck!

  7. #27
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    jeez you're brave letting her move in. lol. build a granny flat or a sound proof room.. keep her in there.

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    Run!

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to DaenerysT For This Useful Post:

    Lauzy83  (19-06-2013),SoThisIsLove  (19-06-2013)

  10. #29
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    I think it doesn't matter what you try to organise before it happens, its still going to turn to ****. Honestly, I would say to your partner that it's not on, it's your relationship that will suffer, as no doubt he will take him mothers side with EVERYTHING! because men are weird like that. It's probably gonna be awkward with taking back to the offer, but nowhere near as bad as things will get if she lives there!!

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    MilkingMaid  (19-06-2013)

  12. #30
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    Is it for a set period of time, or is it permanent????

    If you HAVE to do it, I personally would only agree to a certain length of time, and then she needs to have found elsewhere...


 

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