+ Reply to Thread
Page 9 of 10 FirstFirst ... 78910 LastLast
Results 81 to 90 of 92
  1. #81
    αληθη's Avatar
    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
    Winner 2012 - One most likely to be hacked by Nomsie
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    2,961
    Thanks
    3,031
    Thanked
    805
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Don't worry, I have no intention of dignifying it with a response.
    Aww you're so mean

    Haha sorry, I'll leave ^____^.

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,037
    Thanks
    1,498
    Thanked
    730
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    [QUOTE=BornToBe;7079527]It's a shame you have that opinion solely of women discussing things on the internet! I've been a long term member of a few very male dominated forums, and the male posters can be downright aggressive, incredibly personalised bullying, far far nastier than anything I've seen on a parenting forum dominated by women. Women may have the oestrogen flowing, but testosterone and mixed opinions in front a screen is really somethin' else.[/QUOTE

    This is the only site I have been on..so I guess this is the only one I can go by..

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    172
    Thanks
    84
    Thanked
    130
    Reviews
    0

    Default Re: Tell me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Maybelline View Post
    I wonder if forums with men in them ..( Like a car one or something ) are as *****y and rude .. I think judgement or opinions end up all over the place when it comes to women discussing things ... A lot of threads end in chaos here .. Even the most simple questions get picked apart and attacked .. ( this can be rather entertaining though) ..
    I think most of the threads that go down that route are about personal choices. Or how women are viewed in society. I think as women so much of our lives are under scrutiny, that many of us feel we need to defend our every decision.
    I think if, as women, we are constantly bombarded with the notion that we are not good enough, be it with our appearance, our career or choice not to have one, or how we parent, when someone makes a sweeping statement that pertains to a decision we ourselves have made or a situation we find ourselves in, we naturally get defensive.
    Take the mother with an eating disorder example. In my limited understanding, an eating disorder can evolve through feelings of inadequacy and not being in control. To then be told that you're an inadequate mother due to your ED will only compound the problem.
    Pre-empting the staement with "in my opinion" does not lesson the impact.

    Sorry I think this is becoming a bit rambling now. I guess I don't understand how someone feels that just because they says it is their opinion, that it makes the staement less offensive or insensitive. And then get upset when they are called out on it.

    Edit typo that made no sense

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to sakabla For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (12-02-2013)

  5. #84
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,846
    Thanks
    6,200
    Thanked
    16,890
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    I scarpered back to Oxford, to see what they have to say about "judgemental" as opposed to "judgement"...

    "of or concerning the use of judgement"

    No problem there. But as a subheading:

    "having or displaying an overly critical point of view"

    So the negative connotation comes from the perception that someone is being overly critical. Although given that's in the eye of the beholder I'm not sure how useful it really is.

    I'm really interested in this; how a positive word can end up implying such negative things. That using or imparting "judgement" is a good thing, but being "judgemental" is not.

    I know I've strayed far from the OP, as you were
    I think it's all pertinent. What one person considers what is judgemental, another may feel it's just purely judgement - i.e. the act of making an opinion. I think it's an interesting topic.

    and eta - I've seen a few male forums and hooley dooley LOL totally b****y

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    αληθη  (12-02-2013),lambjam  (12-02-2013)

  7. #85
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    As to the comments that anyone that disagrees with the 'clique' is attacked, I don't buy that. what I see is a handful of posters that continually post offensive, judgmental stuff... people attempt to challenge their thinking... then they get angry and say people are bullying them.

    If someone said IRL what some people say about smoking mums, single mums etc etc I firmly believe people would say hang on, that's pretty nasty, have you considered a b or c in the equation? which is what happens here. It only descends into back biting when the member saying outrageous things then loses the plot and says they are being picked on.

    Own you words. If you are strong enough to say what you know is going to cause friction, expect there to be backlash. Otherwise it does come off trollish.
    I think that most of the people here (I know I would and do) voice their opinion IRL the same. I dont sugar coat my feelings IRL whats the point?

    1 thing I find interesting is people who say thats offensive to something, honestly if a parent is doing something and someone says its horrible why do we care? Like pre circs can say uncut boys look funny or smell funny or I dont care about my son because he is intact doesnt bother me because I know in my heart I am doing the right things so why would that bother me? I was told at one point I was a bad mother and neglecting my kids needs because I didnt collect CS. Did that bother me? Nope why should it I am doing the right thing so I think to get offended seems to be if someone isnt sure what they are doing is right so they get offended. Why else would we get offended?

  8. #86
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by sweetsugardumplin' View Post
    Okay, so what I don't get it how people believe it's acceptable to make rather personal remarks about your character - based on your opinion!

    We all have strong values and beliefs - and the purpose of a forum is to discuss these, and yes there will always be a differing point of view and opinion - and that's a good thing.

    What I struggle with is the name calling and assumptions about me as a person.....if you don't agree with me fine, then just say `I don't agree with you because..........' why make it personal?

    In the Chrissie Swan thread I had one member (whose been around for less than a year!!!) tell me all sorts of things about my character. And another pp who called me arrogant, high and mighty - but then suggests in this thread not to take it personally - because she doesn't really think I am those things - then why say it!!
    When people are losing an argument they turn to name calling. Thats not even as bad as children being attacked and husbands being attacked, its simmered down a lot actually I think people were banned because I notice a lot less personal attacks in the last few weeks. So its improving

  9. #87
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,689
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week

    Default Tell me....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    I agree with this.

    We all make judgements or form opinions about situations, but I think people get upset about it and pull the 'you're judging' card when the person expressing those opinions is doing so without a lot of knowledge about the situation. And particularly if they express those opinions in an insensitive way.

    An example-
    "A woman would be a MUCH (in capital letters) better mum if she didn't have an eating disorder" is very judgmental, yes its an opinion and the author has a 'right' to express it, but without personal experience and/or specific knowledge about the subject, perhaps this opinion might be wrong, and people WILL argue that its wrong. Rightness or wrongness aside, it is HIGHLY insensitive to people reading it who have an eating disorder, and actually not helpful at all to the discussion.
    .
    The danger is you are making assumptions that the poster has no experience in that field and the assumption that the poster has negative intent...

    This specific example was a cut and paste of what I posted. It would be good if you could re-read the thread in question. I have clarified that I infact do speak from experience with eating issues. And hopefully folks can see that with the way the thread has turned out there was no negative intent.

    I think this is a good example of what has been discussed on this thread.
    - Everyone is judgemental... Even those towing the majority line...
    - Two way learning is hampered when people are sensitive/jump to conclusions/ throw around bold words instead of having a robust debate on the facts. Debate the point don't attack the person.
    - People develop a great dislike for someone (yes, we do have a history )and that can cause them to look at everything that person says through cloudy glasses. And I'm not necessarily saying the following happened with this particular case, and Im not saying it bothers me: But it can lead to perceptions that minority view holders are being picked on.

  10. #88
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,846
    Thanks
    6,200
    Thanked
    16,890
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    I think that most of the people here (I know I would and do) voice their opinion IRL the same. I dont sugar coat my feelings IRL whats the point?

    1 thing I find interesting is people who say thats offensive to something, honestly if a parent is doing something and someone says its horrible why do we care? Like pre circs can say uncut boys look funny or smell funny or I dont care about my son because he is intact doesnt bother me because I know in my heart I am doing the right things so why would that bother me? I was told at one point I was a bad mother and neglecting my kids needs because I didnt collect CS. Did that bother me? Nope why should it I am doing the right thing so I think to get offended seems to be if someone isnt sure what they are doing is right so they get offended. Why else would we get offended?
    But if you voiced your opinion in real life say chatting with the group of a few mums saying something contentious then if they said hmmm well I really don't agree for these reasons... would you say omg you girls are such cliquey bullies? I truly don't believe some people would say IRL what they say on here. It's easy to hide behind a screen.

    Sorry but I don't buy 'if you're offended you must be at fault and feel guilty'. Kind of seems victim blaming to me and shifting responsibility from the person making the inappropriate remarks to the person feeling offended. Truth is, I don't get offended much on here. I see most things as a difference of opinion and no more. But it kind of comes back to the theme of I'll say what I want, I don't care who I offend bc it's my opinion, but if you counter with *your* opinion you're a bully. Which seems to me like you think only the constantly offensive members are allowed a voice. Anyone that dares say woah that's kinda out of line the bully card gets brought out.

    Again, own your words. If you have the balls (in the famous words of VicPark lol) to say things in a way you know is going to cop backlash... expect the backlash.
    Last edited by delirium; 12-02-2013 at 14:36. Reason: typo

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (12-02-2013),beebs  (12-02-2013)

  12. #89
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Sorry but I don't buy 'if you're offended you must be at fault and feel guilty'. Kind of seems victim blaming to me and shifting responsibility from the person making the inappropriate remarks to the person feeling offended.
    Agreed. If somebody said to me "uncut boys are smelly" (per lovemyfam's example) I would say "no, actually.. penises that aren't washed are smelly". And 20 other posters may quote and say the same thing. It wouldn't offend me, but such a silly remark I would want to respond.

    If somebody said something about a minority group - a race, sex, sole parents, whoever - it isn't up to the people on the receiving end to 'not be offended', it's up to people to not be deliberately offensive and bait people!!

    We do need to keep in mind that parenting is such a personal thing, and sensitive issue. I will never forget leaving hospital in tears because a nurse had absolutely badgered me about how 'small' I am and therefore DS is 'underweight' (incidentally took him to GP to be weighed and she said he's too chubby can't win!!). It shouldn't have been up to me, a sick, sleep deprived mum, to simply sit there and take it. It's up to people to think before they speak/type. Of course we all make mistakes, but IMO own them... don't leave it up to those you've upset.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (12-02-2013),delirium  (12-02-2013)

  14. #90
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Also, I think saying that parenting techniques are 'horrible' is a bit harsh, even re Chrissie Swan. I have NFI what I'm doing in this parenting gig, it's a learning curve for everybody. I think those types of really opinionated statements can be confusing and, yes, upsetting for some. I've learned to grow a pretty thick skin, but I am often upset that I have to because I believe as humans we should all look out for one another as opposed to try to hurt and cause harm.

  15. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (12-02-2013),beebs  (12-02-2013),delirium  (12-02-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. The name Van! What's your opinion?
    By Kochy23 in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 12-05-2012, 21:57
  2. 2nd opinion or not????
    By MARTTC in forum Fertility Treatment
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 29-04-2012, 16:28
  3. What is your opinion
    By ~Marigold~ in forum General Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 25-03-2012, 22:02

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
WaterWipes
Give your babies bottom a gift this Xmas! They are the only wipe made using just water and a drop of grapefruit seed extract and may help avoid nappy rash. Check out the great reviews on bubhub and see our website for more info and availability.
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Pea Pods Reusable Nappies
Pea Pods are the smart choice when it comes to choosing what's best for you, your baby and the environment. Affordable and simple to use, Pea Pods keep your baby dry & happy. Visit our website to find your nearest stockist or order online.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!