[QUOTE=BornToBe;7079527]It's a shame you have that opinion solely of women discussing things on the internet! I've been a long term member of a few very male dominated forums, and the male posters can be downright aggressive, incredibly personalised bullying, far far nastier than anything I've seen on a parenting forum dominated by women. Women may have the oestrogen flowing, but testosterone and mixed opinions in front a screen is really somethin' else.[/QUOTE
This is the only site I have been on..so I guess this is the only one I can go by..
I think if, as women, we are constantly bombarded with the notion that we are not good enough, be it with our appearance, our career or choice not to have one, or how we parent, when someone makes a sweeping statement that pertains to a decision we ourselves have made or a situation we find ourselves in, we naturally get defensive.
Take the mother with an eating disorder example. In my limited understanding, an eating disorder can evolve through feelings of inadequacy and not being in control. To then be told that you're an inadequate mother due to your ED will only compound the problem.
Pre-empting the staement with "in my opinion" does not lesson the impact.
Sorry I think this is becoming a bit rambling now. I guess I don't understand how someone feels that just because they says it is their opinion, that it makes the staement less offensive or insensitive. And then get upset when they are called out on it.
Edit typo that made no sense
1 thing I find interesting is people who say thats offensive to something, honestly if a parent is doing something and someone says its horrible why do we care? Like pre circs can say uncut boys look funny or smell funny or I dont care about my son because he is intact doesnt bother me because I know in my heart I am doing the right things so why would that bother me? I was told at one point I was a bad mother and neglecting my kids needs because I didnt collect CS. Did that bother me? Nope why should it I am doing the right thing so I think to get offended seems to be if someone isnt sure what they are doing is right so they get offended. Why else would we get offended?
This specific example was a cut and paste of what I posted. It would be good if you could re-read the thread in question. I have clarified that I infact do speak from experience with eating issues. And hopefully folks can see that with the way the thread has turned out there was no negative intent.
I think this is a good example of what has been discussed on this thread.
- Everyone is judgemental... Even those towing the majority line...
- Two way learning is hampered when people are sensitive/jump to conclusions/ throw around bold words instead of having a robust debate on the facts. Debate the point don't attack the person.
- People develop a great dislike for someone (yes, we do have a history )and that can cause them to look at everything that person says through cloudy glasses. And I'm not necessarily saying the following happened with this particular case, and Im not saying it bothers me: But it can lead to perceptions that minority view holders are being picked on.
Sorry but I don't buy 'if you're offended you must be at fault and feel guilty'. Kind of seems victim blaming to me and shifting responsibility from the person making the inappropriate remarks to the person feeling offended. Truth is, I don't get offended much on here. I see most things as a difference of opinion and no more. But it kind of comes back to the theme of I'll say what I want, I don't care who I offend bc it's my opinion, but if you counter with *your* opinion you're a bully. Which seems to me like you think only the constantly offensive members are allowed a voice. Anyone that dares say woah that's kinda out of line the bully card gets brought out.
Again, own your words. If you have the balls (in the famous words of VicPark lol) to say things in a way you know is going to cop backlash... expect the backlash.
Last edited by delirium; 12-02-2013 at 14:36. Reason: typo
If somebody said something about a minority group - a race, sex, sole parents, whoever - it isn't up to the people on the receiving end to 'not be offended', it's up to people to not be deliberately offensive and bait people!!
We do need to keep in mind that parenting is such a personal thing, and sensitive issue. I will never forget leaving hospital in tears because a nurse had absolutely badgered me about how 'small' I am and therefore DS is 'underweight' (incidentally took him to GP to be weighed and she said he's too chubby can't win!!). It shouldn't have been up to me, a sick, sleep deprived mum, to simply sit there and take it. It's up to people to think before they speak/type. Of course we all make mistakes, but IMO own them... don't leave it up to those you've upset.
Also, I think saying that parenting techniques are 'horrible' is a bit harsh, even re Chrissie Swan. I have NFI what I'm doing in this parenting gig, it's a learning curve for everybody. I think those types of really opinionated statements can be confusing and, yes, upsetting for some. I've learned to grow a pretty thick skin, but I am often upset that I have to because I believe as humans we should all look out for one another as opposed to try to hurt and cause harm.
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