I didn't read much of the second chrissy thread, and I can't say I find you particularly arrogant but I would hazard a guess that perhaps it was your opinion they found arrogant, not you as a person, if the poster asked you not to take it personally and stated they didn't think you yourself were arrogant etc
Years ago a picture of Britney Spears was posted. In that picture her two sons were playing in the lounge room while Britney danced around. In the room was a table with cigarettes, lighter and full ashtray.......I was mad at Britney too!
So are you saying that I cannot have an opinion about behaviour that puts children at risk, unless it's a popular one? Or run the risk being called all manner of things?
Questioning people's opinions is discussion.
Condemning someone for their opinions/actions would be judgement. It's personal, whereas questioning someone for their opinions isn't.
However if someone continually shows behaviour or forms opinions that I think are derogatory or harmful to others, or are ignorant (cant back it up) then yes I will judge them. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt though.
I choose which threads I comment on here fairly carefully and keep it polite most of the time I think.
I agree there is a difference between having and opinion and judging, absolutely there is.
Most of the time being judgmental is inappropriate and rude, and will hurt peoples feelings. Stating your opinion rarely upsets anyone, and may infact give people another perspective which can be a good thing.
In saying that, I didn't see the Chrissie Swan thead, and I am very judgmental when it comes to smoking, so there's a good chance if I had seen it, I would have said something judgmental, and people may have got upset at me for it. Difference is, I would have copped that. In general I think judgmental comments are uncalled for and so would expect some backlash. This particular topic however is something I am passionate about and happy to take the hit.
Is it judgmental? Absolutely. Does it make someone a bad person, arrogant, claim a throne of perfection, stirring trouble because they feel this way, ofcourse not.
I couldn't even watch The can of worms yesterday. I don't know why. Perhaps because I don't feel sorry for her? I think she is an intelligent person, has 3 children, has quit before, has a job in television that hosts contraversial topics, so she puts herself out there and it's not something I expected from her. Then when the pics emerged she went onto every tv show to 'explain' herself. Now this might make me unpopular, but this is how I feel about her in particular over this issue. I'll get over it, but its an emotion. And I'm not a bad person for judging the whole situation this way. I know we all have flaws, I'm not perfect, I don't think she is a bad person and I'm not judging her as a mother, but with this particular topic of smoking I felt this way. If she was a friend I might express the same one to her, more of concern and hope she tries to get some more help and not feel the need to hide it but work on it (if she feels awful and guilty about it which she said she did)
In this example that Annabella gave:
If someone went into an eating disorders support group and said this, for no other reason, I would say it's unnacceptable. But I can't imagine anyone saying something like this to be deliberately hurtful with the intention to cause uproar."A woman would be a MUCH (in capital letters) better mum if she didn't have an eating disorder"
If someone says this in a conversation, without meaning to be cruel, the best thing to do is talk to her personally and say "this hurts me, I have an eating disorder and someone thinking like this about me doesn't help with my recovery and I etc etc." And the person will think about what they said and most likely apologise and explain what they meant further and it wasn't meant in this way, but accept it did sound hurtful etc etc.
However, if 10people come in and their response to that quote is "you arrogant so and so, how dare you, you aren't perfect, etc etc" then that person might feel picked on. And say well stuff you and react aggressively without the chance or desire to explain or have their view challenged constructively.
I haven't read other replies, but no, having an opinion is not the same as judging.
I often find that people who feel judged by another's opinion, its because they are not 100% confident in what ever it is that they are doing, so they get defensive.
I'm baffled by the number of people insisting that forming an opinion is different to (and somehow superior to) judgement. I know what you're trying to get at, but the fact is you're wrong. As I said earlier, Oxford defines "judgement" as "the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions".
You need a new word to describe the behaviour you're talking about, judgement doesn't cut it
The last couple of weeks one or two posters have been jumping into threads with a minority opinions( completely fine) but when they start to loose the argument they just throw a tanty and lower themselves to name calling. I'm all for debate, I've seen some great ones on here, respectfully argued on both sides, both having valid replies and thought provoking responses. I love to read those. But lately it's been not alot of calling a spade a spade more a beeping shovel. If we all thought the same if would be pretty boring here, so yeah debate the topic well and respectfully.Sorry went off on a tangent....anyways we all have opinions we all judge to an extent, human nature I guess.
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