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  1. #11
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    I think an opinion is something like (this is an example, the simplest way I could think of, don't bite my head off)

    "Smoking is a disgusting habit"

    But if you were then to say "Amy is a disgusting person because she smokes" then that is being judgemental and unfair.

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  3. #12
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    Default e....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    Where I think the difference lies in the wording, and *tone* which is hard to express in words.

    And some times I think it's totally okay to judge. As long as you can stand by it, and I suppose be prepared to be judged in turn for your judgements.

    But I do think there's a world of difference between for example someone saying "I prefer to do xyz because of these reasons" vs "anyone who does xyz is a bad parent/person because" or "I would never do xyz because I actually love my kids"

    Or an observation being "is that the most sensible choice? Have you considered *this*" vs "stop being so selfish and pull your **** together"



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  5. #13
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    In my view an example would be:

    (a) opinion - I don't like smacking and would never smack my children

    (b) judgment - parents who smack their kids are lazy, or cruel.

    i try to express my opinions about what I would do in xyz situation, or what I think about XYZ, without expressing any view on the parent in question. But if someone does put something up that is judgmental TBH it doesn't really bother me - it's just a stranger on a public forum - it doesn't impact on me that much.

    But I do think certain threads have been getting cliquey lately. I am prepared to be flogged for this but I have noticed if one or two people put their heads up and say they don't agree with a popular opinion, or a popular poster, they can get shouted down by a group. I can see both sides but it makes the threads off-putting.

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  7. #14
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    Default Tell me....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    I agree with Sonya's interpretation of both judgement and opinion.

    I know that arrogant is my word here, and honesty it really is nothing personal. It's the sentiment I found arrogant, not you as a person. I hope you weren't too offended, I usually argue to point not the person.

    I'm not going to go around posting here thinking, "stupid arrogant b*tch," whenever I see a post from you or anything. Your post and points came across as arrogant to me, but not you as a person. You'd need to make many more posts I felt that way about before I'd label you as that.

    I've formed opinions on many members on here, both negative and positive based on patterns in their post... Like regularly racist sentiments lead to me judging that person as a racist. Mostly because if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck... Etc.

    But it does take a lot of posts to make me form a good or bad judgement. I think judgement is good... But I think you usually need more than one experience with someone before you pass judgement either way. One experience isn't enough to judge someone as this or that.

    But yes, I do think that an opinion and a judgement are as Sonya described.
    Last edited by SassyMummy; 11-02-2013 at 20:54.

  8. #15
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    Default Tell me....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    In my view an example would be:

    (a) opinion - I don't like smacking and would never smack my children

    (b) judgment - parents who smack their kids are lazy, or cruel.

    i try to express my opinions about what I would do in xyz situation, or what I think about XYZ, without expressing any view on the parent in question. But if someone does put something up that is judgmental TBH it doesn't really bother me - it's just a stranger on a public forum - it doesn't impact on me that much.

    But I do think certain threads have been getting cliquey lately. I am prepared to be flogged for this but I have noticed if one or two people put their heads up and say they don't agree with a popular opinion, or a popular poster, they can get shouted down by a group. I can see both sides but it makes the threads off-putting.
    I think that's just the nature of a discussion though. If one person says something that 10 people disagree with, then what should happen? Surely those 10 have just as much right to express themselves? What bugs me is when the name calling and trawling through someone's other threads for "ammunition" begins. Then it's no longer a discussion.

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  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    I think that's just the nature of a discussion though. If one person says something that 10 people disagree with, then what should happen? Surely those 10 have just as much right to express themselves? What bugs me is when the name calling and trawling through someone's other threads for "ammunition" begins. Then it's no longer a discussion.
    I don't have an answer - it was an observation.

  11. #17
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    Default Tell me....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post

    Now, say I don't feel the same as you, I feel sorry for her and I feel like its not my place to be disgusted. This in turn leads to my forming an opinion about your opinion, so I might say geez, get off your high horse, who do you think you are, blah blah blah...
    Sorry but saying something in those words irrespective of tone is rude. Telling someone to get off their high horse? I'm not sure in which world a statement like that could ever be seen as anything but negative in relation to the person it is aimed at.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    You will get use to it, there is a little club of us here that wont conform to the masses and share out opinion when its not the popular one. Stay strong and stick to your opinions and morals it takes a very strong person to stick to their beliefs and not bed to pressure to change your mind. Just ignore the attacks or report them and they will be punished
    It's very apparent to me that I'm part of this club that isn't conforming to the masses. Unfortunately I don't have enough faith that if I ever report an attack much would happen.

    OP you have hit the nail on the head with your post, I don't know how it works either and I'm sick of trying to work it out.

    I made the decision today to take myself off BH. I can't deal with the dynamics on here. I don't understand them. I'm hard enough on myself as a person and mother and I feel that this isn't the sort of environment I should be in and I'm better off seeking help from the people already in my life.

    This is the perfect thread to make this my last post.

    OP I hope you can get a better idea of how things work on here so you can continue to enjoy the forums and they can be of help to you when you need

    Bye all.
    Last edited by CuddlesAwait; 11-02-2013 at 21:07.

  12. #18
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    Default Tell me....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I don't have an answer - it was an observation.
    Oh that's ok, I was just musing

  13. #19
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    Well, the judgmental mothers was my call of course. It wasn't aimed at you only. And of course you were right, by saying judgmental mothers anoy me, I was being judgemental. I do feel however, that there is a small subsection on bh that deliberately rile people up and say things against the grain just to get a reaction. And then when people protest they cry foul and throw around " words like "bullies" or "cliques". I am sure someone really should do a social science paper about bh. Fascinating stuff.


    Quote Originally Posted by sweetsugardumplin' View Post
    I have, in the past two weeks posted in and started threads, and my point of view/opinion - to put it mildly has led to somewhat of a character assassination ...okay maybe I'm being a tad dramatic

    My point is - it seems then when I express my opinion about something (and my opinion is not popular or others disagree) then I am accused of being all manner of things: high and mighty, arrogant, angry, the opposite of having empathy, `a perfect mother' laced with sarcasm etc.....

    I have people telling me how much they hate judgemental mothers, but then go on to judge me (and others in different threads) I have people suggesting I'd get along better with others if I play nicely.....

    So tell me - is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'? And if not, please explain the difference - because I'm obviously missing something.

    Oh, and can we keep it nice.......kinda over being slammed by those who don't agree with me. I'm just asking a question here

  14. #20
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    Default Tell me....is forming an opinion and expressing that opinion - the same as `judging'?

    Quote Originally Posted by CuddlesAwait View Post
    Sorry but saying something in those words irrespective of tone is rude. Telling someone to get off their high horse? I'm not sure in which world a statement like that could ever be seen as anything but negative in relation to the person it is aimed at.



    It's very apparent to me that I'm part of this club that isn't conforming to the masses. Unfortunately I don't have enough faith that if I ever report an attack much would happen.

    OP you have hit the nail on the head with your post, I don't know how it works either and I'm sick of trying to work it out.

    I made the decision today to take myself off BH. I can't deal with the dynamics on here. I don't understand them. I'm hard enough in myself as a person and mother and I feel that this isn't the sort of environment I should be in and I'm better off seeking help from the people already in my life.

    This is the perfect thread to make this my last post.

    OP I hope you can get a better idea of how things work on here so you can continue to enjoy the forums and they can be of help to you when you need

    Bye all.
    FTR, if you do read this, I didn't say anything about rudeness. Opinions aren't necessarily polite. They are just opinions. Telling someone to get off their high horse might seem rude on its own, but perhaps it's said in response to say, a really arrogant comment, would it seem less rude, iykwim? My example was meant to show things could be said in the context of a discussion where people disagree, hold opposing views, but don't necessarily "judge" one another for said views.

    I'm sorry you are leaving BH. I had similar issues when I first joined but over time I've found this to be overall a supportive community full of vibrant discussion and some really great women. All the best.


 

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