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  1. #1
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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    Doing certain things??

    My 5 yo DD constantly hassles the cat, usually in the morning when me and DH aren't up yet and all we can hear is the cat meowing either in pain or because she is restraining him so he won't run away from her. I have told her countless times not to do this, I've given her time out and sat down with her and explained that she can physically hurt him as he is only a small cat. I've also explained to her that the reason he runs away from her is because she isn't nice to him so have tried to encourage nice, gentle behaviour towards him but she just does not listen. And he doesn't ever scratch her so she won't learn from that either.

    The other thing she constantly does is run in the house. I have ALWAYS told her that she isn't allowed to do this because she could hurt herself or someone else (she comes around corners so fast and almost bowls me over sometimes!) She even hurt herself because of running in the house, she cut her head open and had 3 stitches, we had to physically hold her down to get them so it was a long, traumatic experience. Doesn't matter, she still runs in the house several times a day. I honestly don't know how to get her to stop this as I am like a broken record telling her to stop all the time. I've given her time out and explained what can happen and she just does it again 5 minutes later. I don't think she is purposely trying to defy me, I think she just gets excited and forgets or whatever but I still don't want her doing it!

    I know these 2 things seem silly but I really need advice. I am genuinely worried about her safety when running all the time especially after cutting her head open and the cats safety too (she tried to ride him once and if she had of fell on him she could have killed him!)

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    At that age a star chart worked well for us. So you have a number of expectAtions every day, getting dressed, putting shoes on, walking in the house, playing nicely with the cat. Try to make them all positive rather than negative.
    So instead of having 'no running' you have 'walking in the house'

    My kids get a sticker every day for meeting these expectations, then at the end of the week they get their pocket money.
    I don't take off stickers for bad behavior, they just won't get a sticker that day if they do the wrong thing.

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    Make consequences that she doesn't like (eg take away favourite toy for a day) and be consistent in enforcing them.

    Regarding the time out I'd watch a few episodes of Supernanny to make sure you've got the technique down pat. Not saying this is the case with you but time out fails for many because the parents don't do it properly. For example a child must apologise at the end before they are allowed out of time out.

    Good luck

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    In 123 Magic they talk about treating behaviours you want to STOP differently from those you want to START.

    So I would treat the two things differently.

    You want DD to stop hurting the cat, which involves a level of consequence, I think. At 5 I would suggest she understands what you are saying to her about hurting/harassing others, even if they are animals.

    Does she love the cat? You could count down to 'giving the cat away' (and stash the cat at mum's for a day, or something); or perhaps she's just not allowed out of her room in the mornings until you get up; or there's no tv for the day if you hear it; or if you hear the cat sounding upset she's in charge of cat litter or feeding the cat etc. Give her a few practice goes of being gentle and kind so you can watch to see exactly what she understands.

    With the running, I would flip it and say you want her to START walking inside, and do a good old fashioned sticker/rewards chart. In the morning maybe tell her to 'get her running out of her system' or something and go for a run around outside, then start the chart for the day. For a 5 year old I would break the day into 2-hourly chunks, and if she walks all the time (maybe with 3 reminders initially which you can then cut back) she gets a sticker in that section. If she gets reminded more than three times, no sticker. A sticker in all sections gets whatever reward you negotiate BUT you need to have a smaller reward if she gets stickers in say 3 out of 5 sections, that way she doesn't give up if she blows it for the day first up, iykwim.

    Just my ideas, anyway... Good luck!

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    I'm not sure that my advice would work, because we have similar problems with our nearly 5yo. I ban him from things he loves when he runs in the house. So i confiscate certain toys, or take privileges away. We have other issues with his behaviour, so nothing really works with him, but we try, oh yes we try. With the cat (or any animals, we have dogs), when DS1 has harmed them, i've simply banned him from being near them, and made the consequences very clear if he breaks the rules. We follow through too, if he is warned that if he chases our dog, that i will confiscate his iPod for the day, then i do (he rarely gets to play the iPod, he's pretty much banned from, it til the end of the year, lol). We found if the consequence is something instant (so not a future thing like not watching a movie tonight etc), it works better.....most of the time.

    Good luck, it's really difficult when they don't listen about their safety, or that of others. We have the added problem with DS1 that he doesn't show, or seem to feel empathy, so it's difficult to explain how his actions will hurt himself or others, as he seems to simply not care.

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    Wow thank you for all the amazing advice ladies!! I was honestly thinking I'd done everything but there's definitely a few things mentioned that sound like they might work!!

    I think the "stop/start" technique sounds like a good place to start! Honestly didn't even think of a reward chart either, she has had them before for other things and they have worked well so I'll see how that goes!

    In regards to time out, I'm not entirely sure if I do it properly anymore. I think I've actually been a bit slack so I will YouTube supernanny and see if I can brush up on that a bit so it actually works!!

    Thanks again ladies, I honestly thought maybe I'd let it go on too long and there was no hope!

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    With the cat I'd model good behavior, patting and cuddles, and explain this is what kitty looks like when she's happy, when she hurts her, instead of telling her off, pick up the cat pat it, as in 'trying to make her feel better' and explain that shes hurt and sad, and she better leave her for a while.
    Also explain the different sounds- that means the cat is happy or scared/angry.

    Our place is like a bit of a zoo, all sorts of creatures, I've found that while your telling the kids off, they just don't get it, but explaining (over and over and over) that they have feelings and turning your attention to the animal and modeling gentle behaviour, has worked.

    With other stuff a rewards chart always works well at that age ?

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    Quote Originally Posted by Livvey View Post
    I'm not sure that my advice would work, because we have similar problems with our nearly 5yo. I ban him from things he loves when he runs in the house. So i confiscate certain toys, or take privileges away. We have other issues with his behaviour, so nothing really works with him, but we try, oh yes we try. With the cat (or any animals, we have dogs), when DS1 has harmed them, i've simply banned him from being near them, and made the consequences very clear if he breaks the rules. We follow through too, if he is warned that if he chases our dog, that i will confiscate his iPod for the day, then i do (he rarely gets to play the iPod, he's pretty much banned from, it til the end of the year, lol). We found if the consequence is something instant (so not a future thing like not watching a movie tonight etc), it works better.....most of the time.

    Good luck, it's really difficult when they don't listen about their safety, or that of others. We have the added problem with DS1 that he doesn't show, or seem to feel empathy, so it's difficult to explain how his actions will hurt himself or others, as he seems to simply not care.

    That's a really good point about taking away something instant instead of something later on that they've probably already forgotten about anyway!

    Argh I know what you mean!! It is so frustrating!! No running in the house has always been a rule but one that she has never really followed and I honestly thought after she cut her head open that would make her realize that I'm not trying to stop her fun and be mean for no reason, I'm trying to protect her from things like that happening!

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    Default How do you make your child stop..

    Just a last point. At that age I find that rewarding and modeling the GOOD behavior rather than punishing the bad works much better. So if she does the wrong thing then fine, no sticker on the chart.

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    Could it be her job to give the cat a small amount of cat biscuits in the morning?


 

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