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  1. #1
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    Default Work place bulling? Was it all my fault?

    Sorry for the extreemy long rant by me and if it in the wrong section. I had to get it of my chest and get others thoughts.

    When i finished HS i went to tafe and became a Qualified child care worker. i immedietly got a FT job in a little family run centre. The centre had two owners one silent. The other was there daily. She had 2 daughter who became Q and worked there her DD best friend became Q and worked there also but refused to do paper work. The owners sis was an assistant turned cook, her duaghter also worked there as a qualified. thus there was only around 4 who wernt in the "Clan" I was close to the DD's especially the one i was pregnant with we went throught engagements, weddings one DD IVF and then we were pregnent together.

    So anyway it stated well, run by an unrelated coordinator who showed no faviorits. After a while the BF wanted more input so she could become more lazy and rule over people. It was a bad case of workplace bulling I believe. So it started with everyone getting blamed for everything that went wrong. It was never any of the "clans" fault. This was anything to the window seals in THEIR rooms not being cleaned to one of their cool drinks can left outside. The BF would pick a non clan member or two, blame it on them and degrade you. She would then tell the DD's and you were spoken to again but never to badly. Then it went to mummy dear who pulled you into the office and spoke to you till you cried, written in the communication book for all workers to see if they didn't know already, then brought up in a staff meeting 3 months later. It was over simple mistakes and most times not our mistakes.

    I was luck because the heat came of me at around the 3-4 year point. I worked holidays, stayed late, came early with no extra pay, i my DD had to come to work with Hand foot and mouth and live in a cot all day because the daughters wernt allowed to come in just incase they got sick, and worst of all i worked when i was 6 months preggos with swine flu. so i think the heat came of because i was the only dedicated staff member who was a Q. My heat became personal from the BF and "mummy". eg "i would never let my DD get married without having a house first", "my DD husbands do everything for their wives while they are preggos what does yours do", i could never let my babies in a car like that", "My DD's DH earn enough money that they dont have to work but they do for spending money", " we spent $ on christmas pressies how much did you spend" etc. i was ripped into for everything else that has to do with me and my DH. we didnt have much money and accidently fell preggos. I felt like i was an inadiguete mum as i couldent take my DD to the zoo and aqua every second weekend. she also had digs about my DD going to pre kindy, (i am part asian) How she would never travel to asia because she hated the smell or their counrty, food ETC (she has never been overseas). It went on her DD were always better and had better DH then me. I would fight alot with my DH about money and him only dloing 1/2 the jobs i the house not all of the like her DD DH. i felt inadiquite.

    I always was taught to 50-50 with your assistant to build respect between eachother. The DD were like this up until they fell preggas. As soon as the BF became Q she wanted to do no dirty work, yet noone could clean as good as her so she was constantly getting told of and being told you missed a crumb. The DD's were fine at the start but as soon as they started to fall pregnant they could do nothing according to mummy except sit in the office instaed of supervising the kids or helping. In saying that we just ran the room understaff and when an official came in they ran onto the floor. When someone was sick no relief was called the owner would just say shes been on the floor all day. Even after the DD's had kids they could do nothing in case they got sick. They came into work when it pleased them and got paid for the whole day and would do nothing when they got there because as soon as my friend (only one would try and work) who was a DD, did anything her mum would tell her of. This ment that the assistants had to do everything. When i tried to help the assistance they got in more trouble or i was told im not a good roll model ( by helping with jobs) . The assistance then turned on eachother and would try to get eachother in trouble because the heat was of them. My assistant was not playing these games and got the brunt of it. She would do up to 6 loads of washing daily, clean the bathroom hourly (7 hr shift) do most if not all nappied 10-15 kids x 7 hrs etc. It hit breaking point when i enrolled to uni.

    More digs about how are you going to afford to live while studing ect this went on for 6 months while i studied. The mum even mentioned this in frount of everyone at a staff meeting that her niece was struggling with the work load and you wouldn't cope. One day after 71/2 and my DH saying this is not normal for 6 years i quit. it was the best day of my life. i handed in my notice on the thursday morning and thus thought i finished on the tuesday due to i was not working on wednesdays due to uni. i gave 4 weeks notice. the DD changed and became blunt and not wanting to have anything to do with me. it came to the monday before i finished and the mum called me in and said i hed you want to finish tomorrow. i said yes everyone has known this since i handed in my resignantion. she said i was met to work till friday. i said camly that i called wage line because i was confused and they said tuesday was my last day but it may have to be thursday due to they may not take it as day 1. she turned around and said look at you your commingin here with attitude and obviously don't want to depart friends. i said no thats not the case. she had more rude comments before saying i have to wait 4 days for my pro-rata i said fine and walked out. no clan member came on my last day which they usually do and as i left the mum had said "well it has been a journey working with you with good and bad moments but a couple of good moments, good luck with studing and hopefully you finish it and do what you want to do whatever that is"


    A few days later they all blocked me from face book. my assistent soon after quit because they road her worse after i left then i called another assistent who was a friend. she told me i was banned from ever comming into the centre again then blocked me on facebook to.

    I hate to think what they are saying about me especially to the parents. i have been there when other Q's have left and they can get real nasty. lucky i got a good referance from my old coordinator and got a reliefe job the next day, but she has not contacted me since leaving either.

    Is it bad for me to miss the routine and knowing what to expect each day and the DD? i miss being able to chat to them and talk babies. i feel a huge hole in me especially i can't let them on this new TTC journy. I use to go home and cry everynight from work and was suffering depression. Im alot better now but i really miss working there. I don't miss the bulling but I hate not having them in my life, even the mum. I have gotten really upset the last couple of days over this. my DH told me to reach out to the coordinator or the DD i as friends with. I dont have the strenght or courage to do this. I constantly now think it was all my fault and I AM THE PROBLEM.

  2. #2
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    Default Work place bulling? Was it all my fault?

    Those people sound horrible and I doubt they have any real friends.
    Honestly if they are going to be that pathetic I wouldn't contact them but in saying that I know how hard it is to be so close to someone and then not have them anymore. A couple of friends I use to have I would continually forgive them because I would start to miss the good times but I finally got to the point where I said no more and proud to say I have stuck to it for the past year. I find I'm happier and things are a little nicer in life but there are times that a memory will pop in my head or I will see something and think oh so and so would love that but I tell myself no and continue on with my life

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to bellapaigesmum For This Useful Post:

    Belliaz  (09-02-2013)

  4. #3
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    Thanks. I know why i left but i have moments of doubt in myself and think it was my fault and i am missing out. My dh told me its because i worked there so long and they have messed me up so much that thats why doubt myself, parent skills ETC. i never whould have doubted mysefl before that. o well i have to keep telling myself why i left and that i am better of without them.

  5. #4
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    Default Work place bulling? Was it all my fault?

    I think you need to cut your losses and move on. I appreciate that it is hard when you 'break up' with a friend/s, but you've given plenty of examples of how cr*p they treated you. Just because you could have a giggle every now and again or compare baby journies doesn't mean that you were actually friends.

    Try reading 'He's just not that into you' but thinking of it with friends in mind and not a boyfriend. You'll realise that they weren't really friends.

    Friends:
    Help you out (far out you guys have got loads of nappies to do, let me sort out these ones)
    Support you (wow I can't believe you got into uni, how exciting, you're going to love it!)
    Stick up for you (nah, she's tough, she won't struggle at uni, she'll breeze through!)
    Etc
    Etc
    Etc

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jellyfishie For This Useful Post:

    Belliaz  (09-02-2013),Kiplusthree  (09-02-2013)


 

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