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  1. #11
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    Thank you. Did he ever cry or ask to see his dad at times it wasn't possible? what did you say then?

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    Default I'm about to become a single parent. What do i need to know?

    No he didn't. His dad was always away working or out with mates, he was actually gone from the house for 3 weeks before DS even asked where he was.

    I would maybe just say to your son that dad is at work or at his house, if he asks.

    Sorry I haven't read all your replies, have you worked out with XH what time he'll spend with the kids?

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    No, not yet. I've tried but he is still angry and ranting every time i try to talk to him about it.
    I'm hoping he will spend the weekends with them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bookwormmum View Post
    Another question. What's the best way to explain daddy not living with us anymore to a four year old?
    Whatever you end up saying (can't remember what I said, it was all a bit of a blur), just make sure you tell them that they didn't do anything wrong, it isn't their fault, and that mummy loves them and always will and daddy loves them and always will. Repeat this regularly; kids tend to turn everything around onto themselves, and will forget what you said previously so you do need to remind them.


    I can't give you much practical advice on CL and stuff, as I said, it was all a blur! Don't know how I even managed to do everything actually LOL.
    But wanted to say 2 things- if you can persist with uni, it would be great. Obviously because you will need to be getting back on your feet sooner rather than later, but also it can be a great distraction for you, and you will also feel good that you're doing something to better yourself. Part time uni rather than fulltime would be good though IMO.
    My ex left me just before the end of my first ever uni semester!! Just before my first major assignments and exams. Somehow I got through them with flying colours (but again, can't remember anything about it!). I'm now hopefully a year away from finishing my degree and I'm so proud of myself for persisting with uni throughout this saga. I do have family help though so that makes all the difference.

    Also wanted to say, I would be wary of relying on him to help with rent plus CS. My ex was also full of promises. That only lasted a few weeks before he cancelled our mortgage payments. But again he made promises of CS, working out our own amount of CS that covers 50% of the kids costs, but nup, never saw that either. He does pay the required amount calculated by CSA though, but not a dollar extra. I would try and work out how to manage your finances on your own, and then anything he pays is just a bonus. I've had this advice from pretty much every single mum; never rely on CS, coz he could stop paying at any second.

    Good luck. If he's been a bit of an @rse to you, you will find that after you get over this initial hurdle and settle down into your new life, you will be much happier and confident.

    Oh, I was also with mine for all of my adult life, so it was a big adjustment. It did take quite some time to get used to it and even now there are little things that pop up that remind me of that, but they are just minor glitches. The huge positive I got out of all this is that I am finally now becoming my own person, finding my own identity and becoming a strong independent woman. It's a great process to go through and am so much happier for it.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by bookwormmum View Post
    My kids are 4 and 2.

    He'd be moving out, I'll be staying here with the kids. We have spoken about this briefly and on single parent payment I wouldn't be able to afford to live here on my own, so he has said he will pay part of the rent plus child support and stay with his mother or father until I am financially independent. I'm not sure what to think of that. My mother thinks I shouldn't trust that but I hope that above all he cares about that kids enough to go through with it.
    Ok, we'll firstly I'd go ahead with your study plans if you want to. It will be good for you and give you something to focus on as well as a sense of direction. You will be eligible for JET (ask centrelink about this) which will cover (some if not all) your out of pocket childcare fees.

    I'd keep things as normal as possible. Don't move yet if you can possibly get by for another little while... You wouldn't be able to afford it anyway from what you said (?) But if you really need to move out maybe see if your ex can help you with the cost of moving and/or go on the lease with you - that way he can't renig on contributing financially.

    Just be honest, gentle and reassuring with your kids. It's usually not the separation itself that's hard on them but the way the parents handle it. you can't control whether your ex is a je.rk about it but hopefully he will snap out of it for the kids sake or at least not moan and carry on around them.

    Goid luck with your studies and becoming your own person!

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    Quote Originally Posted by bookwormmum View Post
    Sorry if this has been gone over already somewhere.

    Husband and i are pretty much at the end and I am really nervous about where I go from here. we have been together since high school and i have never experienced adult life without him. What are the first things I need to do? I haven't called centrelink yet. When do you usually get your first payment from them? I have enough money for my groceries this week but that's about it.
    I'm not up on the payment's time frames but I'm sure someone else has already answered this. It's always harder planning your 'escape' than it is once you're there.

    Quote Originally Posted by bookwormmum View Post
    How am I going to manage two kids on my own, I already struggle... To top it all off I am supposed to be going back to uni in a couple of weeks and I don't have much family support or help. Just my mum and she lives over an hour away. I was going to be counting on my husband to help. And as much as my relationship with my him is not good for either of us any more and he has hurt me beyond words, I don't want to be alone. I'm afraid of being lonely.

    Sorry for rambling I guess I could just use some reassuring words from those who have been through it.
    You'll manage your kids just fine. Don't forget you will be halving your stress and physical output levels when it's just you and your kids.

    You'll feel lonely, that's natural for most people when they're alone, but you'll find things to keep yourself occupied and your kids will provide you with companionship - just not of the adult kind!! You might even find times where you wish you weren't as surrounded by them so you could be lonelier...did that make sense?

    I make use of Family Day Care, childcare and afterschool care. Can you defer some of your uni so you can give yourself a space of time to grieve and adjust to your new life? Don’t discount your husband’s role in your kid’s lives, he may just surprise you.

    Good luck.


 

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