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  1. #21
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    I am currently pregnant with #4. My first 3 pregnancies were through IVF so it was virtually impossible not to tell as family knew I was going through IVF, as did most of our close friends.

    With this pregnancy it was a miracle. I told everyone. I was so over the moon about finally conceiving naturally after 8 years of IVF I couldn't keep it to myself. I am nearly 12 weeks and pretty much the entire world knows. I know I could still lose the baby but if I do also know I'll be supported by so many wonderful friends and family. I'd rather that than go through it alone.

  2. #22
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerfields View Post
    I told people with our first pregnancy which I subsequently miscarried. UN-telling people is just bloody heartbreaking and awful...

    People don't not talk about it bc it's a stigma - they don't talk about it bc it's really bloody painful!
    100% this ^^

    I'm yet to fall pregnant again, not for want of trying! Been TTC since 2 weeks after my D&C with absolutely no luck.

  3. #23
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I'm very torn on what il do now. I told straight away with dd1 and DS. But now that I have had a full term sleeping angel I'm not sure when....
    I havnt had mc b4 but I also think the support would be good and for ppl to understand or know the reason behind my mood changes as I know il be a trainwreck with anxiety n mood swings when I get UTD again. So for those reasons I'd want ppl to know
    But on the other, I won't want ppl being in my face about it and il be really sensitive and cautious of people's opinions etc etc and well I'm torn! I figure in my case I won't feel there is a 'safe' time to tell anyone as I lost my Pippa full term so I don't know when is right. But I'm shocking at keeping secrets. So prob give myself a few days fora BFP to sink in as trying hard ATM to conceive and once Ive accepted n know how I'm feeling il share.


    Hmmm just worked it out by typing to u all. So thanks for ur post it helped me

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to equinemagic For This Useful Post:

    BaronessM  (08-02-2013)

  5. #24
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    Default Re: Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I learnt the hard way not to mention it.I've had 2 miscarriages one at 6 weeks.one at almost 17.we hadn't publicly announced either but all our friends family work colleagues knew (especially when we lost our babe at almost 17 weeks)
    when I fell pregnant with dd3 I didn't publicly announce it or tell any family or friends(except my 2 really good friends) and my bubhub due in group till I was 25 weeks.and to be honest if we have another baby I won't be announcing I'm pregnant till I'm past 20 weeks.

    Sent from my GT-S5570 using BubHub

  6. #25
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    I am 12 weeks today after TTC for over 4.5 years. I am still nervous about 'announcing' or making the pregnancy public. We have told close family and friends (basically the people that have been our support through IVF). Once that news is out there, you can't take it back. I guess having a miscarriage in the past already sort of makes me cautious in telling people too early. I agree you need support if you were to miscarry or something happen - but I would want this support from my close friends who already know. I think the reason for so many not telling people about their pregnancy early is incase something happens and then someone saying 'oh I heard your good news' out at the shops and then having to say 'well actually...' it is not (for me) about stigma associated with miscarriage - it is about self preservation. In saying that, it is very hard sometimes to keep the news in when you are so excited each to their own though - there is no right or wrong.

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    BaronessM  (08-02-2013)

  8. #26
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I have always been a private person I only tell the closest of close people early cause they've been there or are/were try at the same time .... When I was preg with dD I told a couple people and had to tell work at 8 wks due to rising complications I lost 1 and DD stayed but we did realise wed lost one till a while after I'd finished the massive bleed ... Then are I had finished chemo I was made to have a radioactive scan to chek I was clear unknowingly I was just under 4 weeks and it ended in a missed miscarriage at 9 wks after that I kept them to myself I was preg last year but lost at 7 wks only a few knew and they had been there themselves so supported me as neededc... It wasn't until I found out about this one that I told my family about the 3 angel babies my mother was in shock not so much because I had the miscarriages but because I didn't scream from the roof I was preg each time ... That's not me with this one I've kept it secret after certain people did under stand that I didn't want it made public info at the time we told early as DH grandfather was dieing but no respect was given ... I've denied to those I didn't want knowing as they wouldn't understand .. And the response we got before we denied wasn't good ... We had a lot of stress and we told certain people as we've gone but you only have this private time with you and your partner sharing this for wat is maybe. 12 weeks then Everyman and his dogs is involved their opinions and ideas welcome or not are thrust upon you ... We've decided if we make the big Facebook announce ment like we did with DDn it will be once we've moved and things are stable and better...... I've got a friend who's completely opposite she tells the world as soon as she knows and she thnks I'm crazy but I just don't want something to go wrong and have to tell everyone and have them feel pity on me or act differently... My grandmother lost 3 kids and she wasn't able to deal with them privately as they lived in a small country town and ran the pub so gossip and news spread fast she was impressed that I was able to keep them to myself and wishes she could have done the same back then ...

  9. #27
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    For me the only 'stigma' associated with miscarriage was only in my own head. I was so hard on myself after my missed miscarriage, I didn't want to tell anyone about it as I felt like they would think I was a 'defective woman'. But once I did tell people, they were all so supportive and caring. It helped me to be less hard on myself and realise that I wasn't defective, that it was actually really common. It was only after I started talking to others about it openly that they shared their own expereinces. I was blown away by how many people I knew who had been affected by miscarriages themselves.

    I think most people just don't talk about it because it can be so painful. But now, I speak about it openly as I know how much much it can help others, and it helps me...it helps me to acknowledge the life that was there and lost, and helps me to feel 'normal'.

    This time round though we didn't tell anyone until after 12 weeks (after our NT scan). I saw how much it upset my family last time and I didn't want them to have to go through that again. I'm also a very private person and like to grieve in private and give myself time to come to terms with it before I can be open about it. Even now we've only told our closest family and friends and have locked our facebook pages so that no-one can 'accidentally' share our news on there until we're ready...which will probably be around the 20 week mark.

    Big hugs to all you ladies!

  10. #28
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    I told immediate friends and family (my mum and 2 very close friends) At 3 weeks and 3 days when I found out. I was unsure if I was seeing things, I needed a 2nd and 3rd opinion on those double lines.

    We went "global" on facebook and the world at 7 weeks 4 days. We decided that day we had the dating scan. Bub had a beart beat of 144bpm and decided bub is a real person, with a beating heart. Regardless of what happens, They are officially a person and I felt I needed to acknowledge it that way. Not to be told IF something happened "oh it was early". No. My baby already had a beating heart and was alive.

    People thought we were mental.

    Thankfully Im now almost 19 weeks and everything is perfect.

    I personally dont believe in the magical 12 week mark, Babies unfortunately pass away prior to 12 weeks and after 12 weeks. To me, 12 weeks means zip.

  11. #29
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Both pregnancies we have told family & best friends straight away.
    Everyone else knew after 12 weeks.
    It's scary. I'm a paranoid person who googles so I was always convinced something would happen.
    I'm very lucky and have a healthy DD and a DS on the way.
    I'm so sorry to hear your stories. Sending some baby dust to all still TTC after a loss xx

  12. #30
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    We waited till about 14 weeks to tell most people. Unfortunately lost our twins at 19 weeks, so still had to go through the pain of letting everyone know. We would be due next week.
    Last edited by Rachael3; 16-02-2013 at 06:46.


 

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