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  1. #11
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I'm sorry for all the posters who now have angle bubs

    Quote Originally Posted by melissa20588 View Post
    Having gotten to that apparently safe 12 week mark twice, then having to tell everyone that they were stillborn (19 weeks and 33weeks) it is hard. I talk about my babies because it helps me acknowledge their life, their existence and their impact on my life! 15th of October is international pregnancy loss awareness day! The pregnancy loss community is trying very hard to raise awareness, not that every loss can be prevented, but to allow mothers to talk about their babies, to grieve openly, so they can grieve. Many women who lost babies 50yrs ago are only just starting to grieve and it's something that has eaten at them their whole lives! This new generation of allowing women to acknowledge their grief, memorials etc. is sooooo helpful in the process.
    I think this is articulated better what I wanted to say.
    I agree it will be hard to untell people if something went wrong, but atleast my grief will be acknowledged.
    When talking to people I was surprised by how many have not talked about it or shared before.
    Thank you for advising of the day, even though I hope to never personally experience it, I am grateful to those who share their stories and support.

  2. #12
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I've had 2 miscarriages and am now 6 weeks pregnant. We've pretty much told all close friends and family already -- while it is really hard "untelling", I found it to be even worse acting like everything is normal. When people say "what have you been up to?!" and the only thing that comes to mind is "losing a baby..." it's worse (for me) to have to pretend that everything is fine. Yes, I cried when I talked about it, but surely you're allowed to cry to your friends.

    If (god forbid) something happens this time, I won't be putting on a brave face. And maybe if more of us shared our experiences, while we would still be sad and it might lead to awkward moments, it wouldn't be so isolating when it happens to you.
    That said, whatever you need to do to get through a really tough time (telling, not telling) -- do that.

    Xoxo

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Having had a missed m/c at 12.5wks (despite raging m/s up to that point and a perfect bub/hb at 7.5wk scan) there was no 'safe' mark for us with dd. Apart from our parents, nobody else knew until after our morph scan at 20wks...yes it was difficult, especially with severe m/s!

    I personally am a very private person. I know people say they would want the support if they had to 'untell' but I needed to grieve in private. I felt there was no way I would have been able to handle the (well meaning) comments right at that time. Any future pregnancies I feel we would do the same and keep it to ourselves


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  4. #14
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    I think its personal choice. I have lost two babies and I still told everyone early. If something was to happen I wanted them around for support! I wouldn't care if people told everyone i'm sad i've lost my babies but i view it in a way of it happened for a reason and I know thats not how everyone see's it.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    When I'm pregnant again, I will only tell the same few people. When I m/c it was hard enough telling those people, I couldn't imagine having to announce to lots of people, people that I may not be close to. There was one person that found out I was pregnant that wasn't meant to and the day after I m/c I bumped into him. He congratulated me and commented on the little bump that was showing, I had to walk off... It was horrible and there's no way that I would want to have that situation repeated.

    One day, when I'm ready, I'll be more open about our loss but for now that's our baby to mourn.
    Last edited by atomicmama; 07-02-2013 at 18:42.

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  7. #16
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    I think if I am ever pregnant again I won't be telling anyone until the baby is born.

    I live very far away from all of my friends and family, and only really see them once a year, so it wouldn't be too hard.

    I can't tell you how unbelievably stupid I feel for telling our family at 5 weeks and then miscarrying the very next day. Especially since my Mum actually said she wished I hadn't told her because I would probably miscarry.

    So that's it. If we ever get another chance, we won't be telling a soul. Except BH of course

  8. #17
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Shoopuf View Post
    Especially since my Mum actually said she wished I hadn't told her because I would probably miscarry.
    Serious?! That's rough.

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyW View Post
    Serious?! That's rough.
    Yeah, my Mum has no filter. She just says whatever pops into her head haha.

  10. #19
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    we fell with DS right away, and I was pretty naive. Have s3x, get pregnant, 40 weeks later out pops a baby. Told my folks day after BFP but my dad blabbed. I had to get the word out there so they heard it from me (live in a small town). It was common knowledge by 7 weeks. When I started bleeding at 10 weeks I felt incredibly embarrassed that I may have to untell people. After another 2 bleeds the rest of my pregnancy was uneventful. Thankfully he survived and was born healthy.

    After it taking 6 months to fall pregnant again, and a bumpy start to DS's pregnancy I was a bit more wise. A handful of people knew, but still kept it under wraps where possible. We lost the baby. I was comfortable with the people that knew, but really got sick to death of the awkward 'it's probably for the best' and 'my cousins husbands mum had a mc and xyz was wrong with the baby...' Comments.

    What I find more difficult is we're still trying 12 months later and sooooo many people ask 'when are you having another'

  11. #20
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    Default Re: Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I didnt know miscarriage was so common.
    Tbh, we told everybody the day after I found out I was pregnant, at around 6 weeks. Miscarriage didn't even cross my mind at all. Either still stillborns.
    I went my whole pregnancy without worrying cause I didn't know it happened to so many women.
    I want to try for a another one in a few months. But I think I will be extra scared this time. After reading so many sad stories :-(
    All you ladies are so strong and brave. I couldn't imagine what you have gone through. Its heart breaking.
    Big hugs to you all xoxox

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