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  1. #1
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    We told a few close people before 12 weeks and as good news goes it spread like wildfire.
    We are 12 weeks Sunday, with scan next friday so we are not out of the woods yet, however we saw heart beat at 6 weeks and have had no bleeds. Unless we have had a missed miscarriage or there is something medically wrong it appears we are ok.
    However when people talk to me, I've told them we are still early and it's not 100% yet and there's still a risk blah blah blah.
    In my talks i am amazed at the number of people who have had miscarriages, yet it's not spoken of until after your pregnant and expressing your concerns to others.
    I also had a major freak out when what appears to be a lot of women in my due group unfortunately lost their bubs.
    After research ive realized its very common and i wished that women shared their stories more. The way I'm looking at it is that if this little one isn't viable then I hope that ( because a lot of people know) that I may help break stigma and isolation.
    I'm saddened by losses here on bub hub but I thank you for sharing your stories but I do wish more would express irl.

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    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I blabbed the second I got my positive pee stick while my sister and cousin (who are both due a month before me) waited until they were 15 and 12 weeks just in case. I've had a miscarriage before at 10 weeks and hadnt told anyone except dp and my best friend and I felt this time I had to acknowledge it, even if it ends the same way.
    So far I'm 16 weeks

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    I told a few close to us before 12 weeks and I would be seriously ****ed if any of them had blabbed before I was ready We told close friends and family at 8 weeks after seeing the heartbeat at both 6 and 8 weeks, and then told everyone else at 12 weeks.

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    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    I told people with our first pregnancy which I subsequently miscarried. UN-telling people is just bloody heartbreaking and awful so we didn't tell until 13 weeks this time around (with four more mc's in between).

    People don't not talk about it bc it's a stigma - they don't talk about it bc it's really bloody painful!

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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    I was very lucky and fell pregnant with DS1 on my first cycle. So when my partner and I fell pregnant after being off the pill for 1 month early 2012, I assumed that just like before, we wouldn't have any dramas - the thought didn't even enter my mind that I could have a miscarriage.
    We told everyone, we were so excited! We also had our engagement party coming up so had decided to 'announce our happiness to the world' then too.

    3 days later I started to miscarry. It was horrible. And as a previous poster has said, un-telling people is the most absolutely heartbreaking thing to do. It was so very hard to deal with. And if I'm completely honest, I felt like a fool for telling everyone so quickly in the first place.

    It took us 5 months to fall pregnant again and we told only close friends & family to begin with. I had a scan at 6 & a half weeks, saw bub's heartbeat and had to have another scan at 9 weeks after a bleed (I was terrified we were going to miscarry again!) All was okay, no explanation for the bleed. I was so relieved and we decided that we'd tell people from 10 weeks, we were just so happy all was okay! I'm currently 23+3 and am so grateful that my little man is happy and healthy, growing inside me.

    I was surprised to learn how common miscarriage is after going through it, you're right, no one speaks about it freely, but I understand why. It's not something I like to speak about often.

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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Having gotten to that apparently safe 12 week mark twice, then having to tell everyone that they were stillborn (19 weeks and 33weeks) it is hard. I talk about my babies because it helps me acknowledge their life, their existence and their impact on my life! 15th of October is international pregnancy loss awareness day! The pregnancy loss community is trying very hard to raise awareness, not that every loss can be prevented, but to allow mothers to talk about their babies, to grieve openly, so they can grieve. Many women who lost babies 50yrs ago are only just starting to grieve and it's something that has eaten at them their whole lives! This new generation of allowing women to acknowledge their grief, memorials etc. is sooooo helpful in the process.

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    Its really a personal choice if you want to tell the good news before 12 weeks, I suppose lots of couples don't because then you have to tell everyone the bad news if things go wrong. But it really doesn't matter we lost our baby at 20 weeks so out of the woods or not things happen...
    and yes I agree miscarriage is not talked about a lot I think mostly because its an upsetting subject, I would have broken down in sobs at even the mention or thought of our loss for the first year.

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    it took us 18 months of trying to conceive baby #2 we told a few people because we were excited after it took so long. I miscarried at 10 weeks spotting regularly ending up with a D&C. It was incredibly heartbreaking to tell everyone about it. Its taken 6 months since then to fall pregnant again, this time we have only told my mum incase it happens again. When you want a baby so much and the pregnancy doesnt end up being viable thats hard enough to deal with without having to tell everyone you told there isnt a baby.

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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Most of my family knew with dd and my boss knew well before 12 weeks as did some close friends, same with this time around I felt it to be better to have my family and close friends support me if something did go wrong, my boss knew because I would want to take a few days for
    Myself and I was also unbelievably sick with morning sickness so it was hard to hide from her lol. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling people before 12 weeks as like I said the more support you have the better

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    Default Warning possible trigger: stigma about telling before 12 weeks, miscarriage

    Personally, I'll only be telling those close to us, and family when we fall pregnant again. We lost our little girl at 26 weeks so in my eyes, there's no safe period...

    I'd want close friends and family to be around if something went wrong... But unless I see distant friends and family in the street, that will be it... Until I have a screaming baby in my arms....


 

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