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  1. #21
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    I think there is a balance to being a good mum and the definition changes in each family.

    A good mum learns with her kids and doesn't already think she knows everything. Each kid is different and there needs to be allowances made for them to have their own personality.

    A good mum gets to know her kids...does not make assumptions about them.

    A good mum remembers that she is raising the adults of tomorrow and teaches the kids life skills...cooking/cleaning/manners/budgetting/planning/self reliances...both boys and girls need all these.

    A good mum find a way for needs to be met and wants to be considered.

    A good mum makes sure their partner/husband/friends treat them and their kids with respect. They model how good relationships are managed. They make sure that their kids grow up knowing about respect/honesty/love/kindness.

    A good mum boosts their kids confidence and resilience. They teach them how to talk to others and allow them to follow their passions without filling them with false pride.

    Mainly, a good mum will do her best...but also allow her kids to see when she makes a mistake and say sorry when she does. A good mum will show her kids manners..and say please and thank you to them. A good mum will listen...try and get to know some of their friends...not degrade them or insult them.

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    delirium  (05-02-2013)

  3. #22
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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    I'm with the people who think that endless self sacrifice is not good for anyone long term.

    I spent years doing that and now everyone gets put first... Sometimes. Nobody is always without for the sake of others, and nobody is always always put first. Everyone gets a go at being first.

    My mother always put herself last and while I do love her lots, that bit messed me up... I thought it was my duty to neglect myself... And that's done nothing good for anyone.

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    HugsBunny  (06-02-2013)

  5. #23
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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    When I say put the kids needs first I mean actual Needs not Wants. I fully realize that putting everyone else first all the time leads to burn out and I'd never advocate the martyr mindset.

    Children are defenseless and unable to do things for themselves (especially when they are younger, obviously older kids can meet some of their own needs ), they rely completely on others for everything. If their Needs are not met (food, shelter, safety, love etc.) then you are failing and something needs to change. I don't mean you shouldn't have a hair cut if your kids wants a toy, I mean you shouldn't get a hair cut if your kid needs food

  6. #24
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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    A good mum does her best with what she has and the circumstances that accompany it.

    I have a fabulous mum that I adore but she put herself last always growing up and was unhappy. I don't want to be unhappy for 20+ yrs. I too don't believe mum = martyr.

  7. #25
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    Default Re: What makes a 'good' mum?

    Quote Originally Posted by loislane2010 View Post
    Easy...HAPPY KIDS!!!!
    my kids would be happy if they ate maccas 3 times a day never showered and went to bed at stupid times- yet allowing that wouldn't make me a good mum.
    I think its different for every family and also for each individual child.the way I parent my 3 girls is not the same.because they are individuals and need different boundaries, different discipline techniques etc.

    i think I'm a good mum because I love my kids id do anything for them but at the same time I'm still me.I still go out places with my friends I'm still human in front of them I cry I get angry and I teach them that emotions are okay.I don't wrap them in cotton wool they play in the mud splash in puddles and experience life.but Im firm.I expect respect and in return I respect them and their individual personalities.
    Sent from my GT-S5570 using BubHub

  8. #26
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    I think i really asked this question as my mum honestly felt like my enemy growing up . She never said anything nice to me and constantly attacked my personality . I now realise having three children myself as does she , she probably found it hard and may have been depressed. I know she loves me now and we talk on the phone weekly , maybe see each other a couple of times a year . The last time she saw me she had tears in her eyes and said " you know I love you don't you?" But as much as I yearn for that mother I wish she had been I still cannot fully trust she won't upset me again .
    I suppose I'm just desperate to have my kids love me and like me , I want them to see me as the person who is their absolute safe place , I want them to have fun memories , I have problems with discipline not that I cannot do it , I'm pretty lenient I have to say but even saying no makes me feel guilty. I'm desperate to have all my kids feel the same and not feel middle child syndrome or first born or only girl... I guess I want to be the perfect mum and I'm realising even then if I did everything I could right in their eyes it could be seen so differently . Anyhow , don't really understand half of what I'm getting at !!

  9. #27
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    Default Re: What makes a 'good' mum?

    What makes a good mum? A mum who loves their child unconditionally and always..who is not only a mother but a best friend and who will do their best to teach their child right from wrong. My mum is a great mum and I can only hope to be as good a mum with my ds

  10. #28
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    Default Re: What makes a 'good' mum?

    Deleted..double post sorry


 

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