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  1. #1
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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    I have been thinking about this . I love my kids so so much, but I wonder how they feel about me. I kiss and hug them daily but don't really play that much as I feel they have each other .... But I wonder if they see the sad me , the worried me, the don have time me and think that's who I really am. What makes a good mum ? My mum told me off 24/7 and I feel we are still not close as adults. I guess I'm just wondering is love enough or is there something special about some mums ?

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    Default Re: What makes a 'good' mum?

    Every one and every mum is different. There's no set rules for being a good mum. Whatever works for you and your kids is good enough.

    But to try and answer your question: a good mum is one who cares, loves, is firm but fair, can be a friend when needed but still be mum. Hope it makes sense

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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    It's a good question and I quite often wonder the same. I am quite close to my mother but I don't remember her playing with me a lot as a kid. She's obsessively neat and spent most of the day cleaning the house and cooking from memory. I know she hugged and kissed me often but I don't remember her telling me she loved me a lot to be honest.

    BUT I do remember feeling safe when she was there, knowing that I could go to her and she would 'fix' my problems and provide reassurance that everything would be okay. I still feel the same way about her as an adult and that means the world to me: just to have that unconditional love and support. I can only hope my DS feels the same way about me for all the years to come.

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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    Hmmmm that's a tough question. I think we've all asked ourselves that at some point or another though.

    I think I'm a good mum :-) my kids are hugged and kissed constantly, we cook together and play together. I always try really hard not to be 'too busy' or not have time for them. I just think that if they want to tell me something then I can definitely spare those few seconds to give them my attention and really listen to them :-) I think this is really important, that they feel like they've been heard and that they matter :-)

    I also always try really hard to keep my word and if I don't, there's always a really good reason that I explain so they understand.

    We all have bad days though :-) its part of life :-)

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    Trying you best every day to do a better job tomorrow and do right by your kids No mum is perfect, we all yell, feel frustrated, suffocated. We all make mistakes. To me those don't make you a bad parent. A bad parent is one that doesn't acknowledge their short comings and try to do better next time.

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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    Making sure that at the end of the day your kids are happy and thriving and you've done everything in your power to make sure that's true.

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    They SHOULD see the sad you, the worried you, etc. That's part of who you are, as a human being.

    I never saw my mother show any real emotion at all until I was mid-late teens. She showed us love and what I think now was probably feigned happiness (as a kid I didn't know it was likely put on though). It freaked me out when she showed emotion for the first time - I honestly thought she didn't actually have emotions. I know that sounds weird. I also hated that she was showing them all of a sudden - I wasn't used to it, and it made me angry at her for making me feel uncomfortable like that. I thought that Mums just had no reason to feel anything at all.

    I don't think there is a formula for being a good mother... because what's a good mother to one kid might not be the best for another... so I don't think there's any right answer unfortunately. No one way to be the best mother we could be, so we just have to make it up and hope for the best.

    I do know that one reason my mother is such a wonderful mother is that she is supportive regardless of her own feelings. I mean, if I said, "Mum, I'm taking up cocaine," she wouldn't be, obviously, but when I told her I was pregnant at 18, she didn't freak out and yell at me or lecture me or cry at me or anything. She supported what I wanted to do (which was keep the baby) and she took time off work to take me to appointments. She went to my antenatal classes with me when DD's father wouldn't because I didn't like going on my own. When I had my c-sec, she came and visited every single day... from morning until night. She stayed during the hours she wasn't supposed to... just sat on a chair in the corner reading in case I needed her.

    That's just a small bit from when I had DD, but it's like that anyway. I never even actually know what her opinion on these things are, because she knows that it's MY LIFE and NOT HERS so she doesn't bother me with her opinion unless I ask. Instead, she just does what she can to make sure that whatever I choose to do comes a little easier.

    It's never, "Well, I told you so..." or anything when things go bad either.

    I think that's made her a FABULOUS parent. That's for an adult child, of course, but it was still kind of there throughout childhood too. There were more boundaries, of course, but she let us make our own decisions wherever possible, and just supported us/helped us when things went wrong without criticism.

    I think that really helps make someone a great parent.

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    Easy...HAPPY KIDS!!!!

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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    I think if you put your kids needs first then you're a good mum. For me it applies to everything, I don't buy anything unless I have enough formula, I go without sleep to settle my baby, I try to be loving and available even when I just want 5mins for a coffee. It's pretty basic but it works for me .

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    Default What makes a 'good' mum?

    Quote Originally Posted by Amiedoll View Post
    I think if you put your kids needs first then you're a good mum. For me it applies to everything, I don't buy anything unless I have enough formula, I go without sleep to settle my baby, I try to be loving and available even when I just want 5mins for a coffee. It's pretty basic but it works for me .
    I have to agree. I don't spend money unless there is enough food and enough money in case of emergency put away. The kids come first- the parents who say its now my turn when they have young kids really annoy me.... No its your turn before you have kids or when they are grown up. My kids are my world and hopefully one day they will understand how much we love them and will do the same for their kids. I think the way you measure successful parenting is watching how your kids parent their children....

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