Just wanted to put my story out there to see if anyone has similar experience, and perhaps some advice. Its a long story...but the short version is, my son is 6, I've been single since pregnancy. Sons dad has mental health issues, possible current drug use, neither of which he admits to. He has never been physically violent towards me, but history of emotional abuse, etc. He is not in contact with any of his family as he treats them badly as well, they don't trust him or want him around, but they have tried.
My son had little contact with dad in early days, but from ages 3-5 he did, and developed a relationship with him. Totally loves and idealises his dad! But, apart from general disagreements with dad on parenting- food, appropriate tv, etc, I have serious concerns about leaving him with dad, so have not done so for 6 months. 90% of me thinks he would never hurt his son, but a part of me thinks he is so unpredicatable, he could harm himout of spite, or take him away, etc. As well as this, I don't know what type of people go to his house, and other weird ideas of his, such as telling my son that asthma is in his mind (he's asthmatic.) telling him school is a waste of time.
Basically my choices are cutting ties (my son will be devastated), supervised access (have done before, but sons dad is reluctant to do this now, and it is difficult long term) or leaving my son with his dad, which scares me.
I feel guilty for 'creating' this situation, and feel that there will never be a resolution