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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Is the teacher aware of this? obviously you don't need to tell her the in depth details, but could you have a chat and tell her your dd has had a very traumatic year with some pretty big incidents in her life, so is a bit more emotional than she normally would be? I fear this may force your daughter further into her shell, feeling her teacher isn't sensitive and approachable.

    I just feel the teacher has the cart before the horse. She is seemingly demanding resilience and emotional strength without developing rapport, trust and confidence which resilience will flow on from.
    I sort of said something about trauma to the teacher this morning when she was asking why she was so upset. I felt that that was dismissed but by then it was about 5 ins before warning bell so may have been a time thing.

    I will arrange a time to talk to her teacher about it all. Last year she came so very far that I don't want to go backwards this year.

    Your last paragraph I think sums it up for me.

    Thank you!

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    It sounds like the teacher's tone was the issue. If she had said the same thing, but in a nurturing tone...

    Whenever I've had a crying student I've always got down on eye level and said "I can see you're really upset. Do you want to take a friend, get a drink and wash your face and come and tell me when you feel calmer?"

    And no way should she have stopped you saying goodbye. That's overstepping boundaries.

    This is what I was taught and did when I worked with pre-schoolers. Her teacher last year was like this and as such DD responded with trust. This is also how I deal with her at home. There is no point pushing when they are upset better to wait when they are calmer.

    Maybe I should change the way I speak with her or something

    Maybe it is something to do with being in year 3 or something.
    Last edited by PomPoms; 04-02-2013 at 14:29.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    It sounds like the teacher's tone was the issue. If she had said the same thing, but in a nurturing tone...

    Whenever I've had a crying student I've always got down on eye level and said "I can see you're really upset. Do you want to take a friend, get a drink and wash your face and come and tell me when you feel calmer?"

    And no way should she have stopped you saying goodbye. That's overstepping boundaries.

    I agree

    Sadly there are a few teachers that forget that they are the teacher and we are the parents and that parents over ruled them every time. A teacher can Never stop you seeing or talking to your child (unless there is a court order in place).

  4. #24
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    I think that it is reasonable for the teacher to expect the child to tell her what the problem was and not the parent. I make sure my DS is the one who talks to his teacher about things and not me (he is 8 and in year 3 too) because the "homework contract" is between them and it is his responsibility to remember his things not me or his dad.

    I would have dealt with it differently...i would have spoken to him on the way to school and told him how to approach it with his teacher rather than speaking for him.

    Year 3 is the beginning of a different stage at school and they do need to learn to speak up and also to deal with good and bad situations. I am sure if she explained to the teacher, she would hve been understanding and supportive.

    I am glad our homework week goes over the weekend as we simply do not have time during the week to get it done. Normally, DS does his homework on a sunday morning...we do get little bits done during the week but not much.

    As for building her resilience...it takes practice and support. It takes understanding that there are consequences and that she can handle those consequences (ie staying in to catch up at recess or doing the sheet again at home). Resilience is so important and so is veracity...being able to tell the truth (even if it will get you in trouble) and it is at this age when they have to stop relying on mum and dad to do the talking for them.

    I would be discussing possible outcomes before she goes into a situation like that...not blaming her dad for forgetting the item (it is hers and not his) and reminding her that 1 mistake does not define her and that she must respect the teachers decision on the "punishment" for not doing it. Remind her that you love her no matter what and 1 forgotten sheet does not change that.

    mostly, work with the teacher and not against her. I will always back the teacher and then support DS with what he needs to do. Work out the teachers expectations and then help your DD meet them.

    Unless there has been a huge issue where DS has been punished unfairly or based on a false accusation...i will not try and overrule the teacher. The teacher needs to have the same rules for their whole class and as long as this is applied fairly then I need to respect that. It is also resilience on your part...to trust your DD to handle it and not rush in and save her.

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  6. #25
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    Default Re: Resilience in young girls (primary school)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    It sounds like the teacher's tone was the issue. If she had said the same thing, but in a nurturing tone...

    Whenever I've had a crying student I've always got down on eye level and said "I can see you're really upset. Do you want to take a friend, get a drink and wash your face and come and tell me when you feel calmer?"

    And no way should she have stopped you saying goodbye. That's overstepping boundaries.
    you sound like a lovely teacher!! I really feel for your dd op. I was a very shy sensitive child and I cried at the drop of a hat. I think the best thing you can do is just to talk to her and really encourage her to talk for herself and not to take everything to heart. I dont think it's fair to say it's not normal for an eight yr old to cry over that. she is still a child and some may be quite tough but others aren't and the teacher needs to treat each personality with respect. its ok to tell her to compose herself but do so in a kind manner. that's jmo anyway.

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  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    But the vital thing she has missed is that resilience comes from confidence and feelings of being strong and safe. It's kind of how a lot of AP parents say their kids are often more independent as an older child bc they've had their feelings and needs met, they feel safe and secure to be able to do things on their own bc they know mum and dad are always there.

    In order for you daughter to feel mentally strong and resilient she needs to feel heard and safe to make mistakes. When we feel safe to, we make them, get back on the horse and this leads us to deal with failure better in the future.

    I'm probably not making much sense lol what I'm trying to say, is being gruff and mean in the first week is NOT going to create resilience, only anxiety and fear. She is 8 ffs not 18. The teacher needs to create an environment where you dd feels safe to make, and admit mistakes (and I know the homework wasn't her fault but ykwim) so she can then be strong enough to show resilience when things do go wrong.
    I was thinking exactly the same thing.

    This has nothing to do with teaching resilience. Teaching resilience is about processing your feelings, thinking about the outcome through talking and then making a choice about how to move forward. The teacher hasn't done any of these things. It doesn't sit very well with me and I've worked with lots of kids with confidence issues.

    I would go back and speak with the teacher about your concerns.

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  10. #27
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    I think I will watch and see how she goes. I am hoping that teacher's have access to information on the children they are teaching so that I don't have to re-tell the situation surrounding my children.

    Although their principal is away for most of the term and he knows the entire situation and it would be best for him to tell the teacher I guess.

    She seems okay this afternoon. We have had a bit of a chat, and she says she is going to try and talk to the teacher herself in the future.

    If something is upsetting her it usually comes out at bedtime or before school the next day. So I will wait and see I guess.

    Thank you everyone!!

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerilee View Post
    I think I will watch and see how she goes. I am hoping that teacher's have access to information on the children they are teaching so that I don't have to re-tell the situation surrounding my children.

    Although their principal is away for most of the term and he knows the entire situation and it would be best for him to tell the teacher I guess.

    She seems okay this afternoon. We have had a bit of a chat, and she says she is going to try and talk to the teacher herself in the future.

    If something is upsetting her it usually comes out at bedtime or before school the next day. So I will wait and see I guess.

    Thank you everyone!!
    I reckon she seems very resilient for an 8 year old! Good on her!

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  13. #29
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    Default Resilience in young girls (primary school)

    I would have said politely that I am her parent and its my job to teach her resilience. You're her teacher you teach her school work. Stupid way to handle an 8 year old child. Poor little poppet and poor you for worrying about her all day.

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    I think that teacher was out of line.

    It's not her job to 'teach' resilience - it is an innate quality and is the job if parents, not teachers IMO!

    I too was particularly sensitive at that age due to life circumstances and needed the adults around me to be more loving (they weren't). I was stressed enough and I can understand why you DD felt upset about not having her worksheet and having to deal with the confrontation.

    I reckon some people get into teaching so they can power trip - and she sounds like one of those people... How dare she be so insensitive! Grrr

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