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  1. #11
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    Default Resilience in young girls (primary school)

    I actually think the teacher handled it quite well. I also think since you saw it all happen you can have a really good talk to her about it afterwards (your dd that is) and explain why the teacher wanted to speak to her later when she was calmer, and that while its ok to cry about some things it shows a lot of courage to be able to not cry when telling your teacher something like forgetting your homework.

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  3. #12
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    But the vital thing she has missed is that resilience comes from confidence and feelings of being strong and safe. It's kind of how a lot of AP parents say their kids are often more independent as an older child bc they've had their feelings and needs met, they feel safe and secure to be able to do things on their own bc they know mum and dad are always there.

    In order for you daughter to feel mentally strong and resilient she needs to feel heard and safe to make mistakes. When we feel safe to, we make them, get back on the horse and this leads us to deal with failure better in the future.

    I'm probably not making much sense lol what I'm trying to say, is being gruff and mean in the first week is NOT going to create resilience, only anxiety and fear. She is 8 ffs not 18. The teacher needs to create an environment where you dd feels safe to make, and admit mistakes (and I know the homework wasn't her fault but ykwim) so she can then be strong enough to show resilience when things do go wrong.

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  5. #13
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    I don't overly have a problem with the teacher really.

    I want to help her be strong girl who knows that making a mistake is not the end of the world. We are always here at home conscious of talking through with her stuff like this. Usually after a talk she feels okay and is like oh I get it now. But this morning we couldn't do that as it was not a mistake or an issue with something at home.

    I guess feeling safe enough to make a mistake is hard when someone who you should be able to trust implicitly has harmed you. So if a family member can harm you in this way, well it is going to take a bit for the teacher to gain her trust so she feels safe enough to be okay with making a mistake.
    Last edited by PomPoms; 04-02-2013 at 14:19.

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    I probably agree with how the teacher handled it, although I think the parents (you Op) should have been allowed to go and reassure her. Teachers and parents play different roles and it's ok to recognise that. DS cries with homework issues as well at times when it's not done, forgotton etc. I also believe he needs to learn that when he's made a mistake- it needs to be handled, speak up and move on with fixing it. I'm not always going to be there to write a letter, speak to the teacher etc etc.

    Not sure how you teach that though.

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    I'd expect that the teacher will make sure your DD understands that she was not gruff with her because she forgot her homework (mostly out of your DD's control) but because your DD was expecting you to talk on her behalf. By year 3, you would expect a child to tell their reason for not doing their homework because then the teacher can discuss it directly with the child and come up with ways of avoiding it happening again.

    I would ask the teacher if you can make an appoinment to see her to discuss your DD's history and why she may need a modified apporach and explain why she breaks into tears easily. Obviously you are also aware that this is not 'expected' behaviour for her age and the teacher will appreciate the chance to work together to help your daughter overcome her anxiety towards making any errors.

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    Default Resilience in young girls (primary school)

    I think that was a bit off of the teacher really. I don't get this whole teacher knows better than the parent thing they have going on at the moment. Very similar thing happened with my niece. Where her mother wanted her to skip a swimming thing as she was still struggling with a water fear (my sil was working on it) and the teacher forced her to do it anyway with re explanation "children have to learn to face their fears" my sil was livid btw and my niece is also 8.

    Yes resilience is very important - you are her mother and you weighed the situation in your mind and agreed to help your daughter out. On other occasions you may also choose to say to your daughter "you need to be a big girl and speak to her yourself" or even "i will this tome but next time you will have to" but as her mother it is your choice .

    But to call her out in front of you when you had a made the decision to talk to her, sorry not on. This is just my opinion btw and others may not agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheerilee View Post

    I guess feeling safe enough to make a mistake is hard when someone who you should be able to trust implicitly has harmed you sexually and emotionally. So if a family member can harm you in this way, well it is going to take a bit for the teacher to gain her trust so she feels safe enough to be okay with making a mistake.
    Is the teacher aware of this? obviously you don't need to tell her the in depth details, but could you have a chat and tell her your dd has had a very traumatic year with some pretty big incidents in her life, so is a bit more emotional than she normally would be? I fear this may force your daughter further into her shell, feeling her teacher isn't sensitive and approachable.

    I just feel the teacher has the cart before the horse. She is seemingly demanding resilience and emotional strength without developing rapport, trust and confidence which resilience will flow on from.

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    It sounds like the teacher's tone was the issue. If she had said the same thing, but in a nurturing tone...

    Whenever I've had a crying student I've always got down on eye level and said "I can see you're really upset. Do you want to take a friend, get a drink and wash your face and come and tell me when you feel calmer?"

    And no way should she have stopped you saying goodbye. That's overstepping boundaries.

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    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    It sounds like the teacher's tone was the issue. If she had said the same thing, but in a nurturing tone...

    Whenever I've had a crying student I've always got down on eye level and said "I can see you're really upset. Do you want to take a friend, get a drink and wash your face and come and tell me when you feel calmer?"

    And no way should she have stopped you saying goodbye. That's overstepping boundaries.
    100% agree with everything you've said

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    Default Re: Resilience in young girls (primary school)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    It sounds like the teacher's tone was the issue. If she had said the same thing, but in a nurturing tone...

    Whenever I've had a crying student I've always got down on eye level and said "I can see you're really upset. Do you want to take a friend, get a drink and wash your face and come and tell me when you feel calmer?"

    And no way should she have stopped you saying goodbye. That's overstepping boundaries.
    That's how ds1's prep teacher would handle them. Yes I get prepies are younger but to me dealing with a child this way helps them think, calm down and then discuss with the teacher the problem.

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