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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Resilience in young girls (primary school)

    Hi Guys

    Whoops this could be long...

    Just after any thoughts, ideas etc....

    My DD is 8 and has just started year 3 had a little incident with her teacher this morning which has left me sad and a little concerned.

    What had happened was DD spent the weekend at her Dads which is well over an hours drive away. She took with her a homework sheet that was meant to be completed over the weekend. Well I picked her up last night and her Dad had forgotten it or something, anyway it was not with her.

    She was upset about it but there was not a lot we could do today about it. She seemed okay this morning about telling her teacher but as soon as she saw the teacher she asked me to talk to the teacher.

    So instead of the teacher listening she called DD over and said "Do you have something to tell me". At which time my DD burst into tears . Anyway she then said to DD "Well off you go and compose yourself and you can tell me later".

    She then ushered myself and DP out the door. She asked what DD needed to tell her, so we relayed what had happened.

    She then said sorry if I offended you with the way I handled this but I am trying to teach them resilience as they are in year 3 now and it is a lot different to year 2. The teacher also asked if DD was scared off her. Well DD was not....after this that may change.

    DD has gone through traumatic events in the last couple of years (some of you may remember from previous posts) and since then is so scared of doing something wrong and is ultra sensitive to tone and body language.

    Anyway the teacher did not want us to go in and say goodbye So I left with her crying at her desk in the classroom. I am now sitting at home wanting to go and pick her up

    So how do I teach her that it is okay for things like this to happen, and most of all that as long as she does her best that is what matters. As for the homework I don't think she should be getting it on the weekend in any case (but that is another thread).

    Help??????

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    I think it makes sense. I don't think it's normal for an 8-year-old to cry when telling a teacher they couldn't bring in their homework, and I don't think it's something the teacher should encourage or reward. She let your daughter know that her crying wasn't something she had time for by sending her away until she was done. I think it's fair enough, they're not teaching Preppies in their first year away from home.

    I also think it's fair enough that the teacher doesn't want parents coming in and prolonging the time it takes for her to start her class.

  3. #3
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    Geez, that's a bit harsh for an 8 year old. I remember forgetting my homework in year 3 once, as soon as I realised I ran to tell the teacher and she rolled her eyes and made a sarcastic comment, I was devastated (obviously, as I still remember it 25 years later!!) Things that seem small and unimportant to adults are HUGE to kids.

    I don't know what to suggest though

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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I think it makes sense. I don't think it's normal for an 8-year-old to cry when telling a teacher they couldn't bring in their homework, and I don't think it's something the teacher should encourage or reward. She let your daughter know that her crying wasn't something she had time for by sending her away until she was done. I think it's fair enough, they're not teaching Preppies in their first year away from home.

    I also think it's fair enough that the teacher doesn't want parents coming in and prolonging the time it takes for her to start her class.

    I can see where you are coming from. It was not during class time it was well before the bell goes for start of class so I was not interrupting the class.

    I know it is not normal hence asking for ways to teach my DD that it is okay to stuff up sometimes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Geez, that's a bit harsh for an 8 year old. I remember forgetting my homework in year 3 once, as soon as I realised I ran to tell the teacher and she rolled her eyes and made a sarcastic comment, I was devastated (obviously, as I still remember it 25 years later!!) Things that seem small and unimportant to adults are HUGE to kids.

    I don't know what to suggest though
    Yeah I don't know either I just wish she had a bit more of a who gives a stuff attitude.

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    That was a bit abrupt of her if you ask me.

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    I think the teacher was rude and over the top to be honest. I think you can teach resilience without being mean.

    If this had been DDs teacher (and trust me, this IS something her last one would've done), I'd have given her a mouthful. I'm of the opinion that you wouldn't treat an adult like that (well, I wouldn't anyway), so I don't see how its ok to treat a child like that.

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    Awww poor little love.
    I understand what the teacher is saying, albeit she may have been a little over the top in her manner.
    Our school ran parent workshops for teaching resilience in children. I never got to go to one as it was always when I was working but apparently they were very good. Maybe you could suggest something like that to the principle or the teacher? I can't remember who it was run by though.

    Good luck.

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    hi, heres my take on it. the teacher acknowledged that your dd was upset, and allowed her time to process the feelings, she then got to point of the problem, the homework sheet being left at her fathers. OK, there is not much to be done about that, so the teacher then went on with the rest of the preparation for the class. I think it is ok, in so far as your little one has dealt with some feelings, anxiety, fear she might get in to trouble, and seen that she can handle that. I assume the teacher has now gone on with the rest of the day without any further mention of the homework. perhaps she will ask your dd to make special effort to not leave it behind next time. I hope she has had a good day, and is not worried about it when she comes home today. marie.

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    Whilst I can understand wanting to teach resilience, I still think the teacher would be better off to treat each child on a case by case basis. Some kids are extremely resilient to being told things in a more business like manner whereas others need a more softly, softly approach. I am sure the teacher will work out which child would best benefit from a sterner approach as the one she used on your daughter.

    It doesn't sound to me that the teacher was a cold hearted person because of the fact she realised you may have been 'offended' by what you witnessed and also that she explicitly asked you if your daughter was 'scared' of her. It sounds as though she may be mindful of her tactics?

    I guess if it were me, I would explain to my daughter that whilst it is ok for these things to happen (the homework issue) I would explain that being in grade 3 carries more responsibilities (in terms she would understand etc) and that whilst the teacher may have sounded/acted angry etc she was trying to help you to cope with being a higher grade or something along those lines. I am sure you will work out how best to explain.

    I would also let my daughter know that it is ok to cry, as no one should ever make her feel that she can't cry.

    All the best.

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