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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy wanderer View Post
    I was walking out of the servo this afternoon when I bumped into a person I knew many, many years ago through school.

    Back then he was a labourer with no plans for the future. Well, apart from surfing. And drugs.

    As happens in life, we lost contact. And when we bumped into each other today, we exchanged cordial greetings. He was in a suit...and he drove an Audi...so I'm thinking (why, I don't know) that he must've won a surfing competition...

    But no, he's a hot shot academic now. And I nearly died. I was truly shocked. He then went onto mention another person that we mutually knew who is now a property tycoon and I was speechless.

    Then, for some inexplicable reason, I felt deflated and then deeply ashamed. As I got into the car, I carried the shame home and sat with it for a while, trying to work out why I was feeling this way.

    And what I eventually worked out was this:

    I shortchanged myself. And I am embarrassed that I have made nothing of my life. (This has nothing to do with DH and kids...that's separate...)
    This "loser" had really made something of himself and here am I, surviving on the poverty line in a new town and no prospects. I had opportunities in the past and squandered them. And all I have to offer my family is a fortnightly welfare payment. This isn't self pity. It's like a hollowed out feeling. Like finding out there's a huge party on and you haven't been invited but everyone else has. Like I've been betrayed. Which I guess I have. I've betrayed myself.

    Has anyone ever felt like this?

    It's why I'm up so late. This incident today has really blindsided me.




    I haven't read the rest of the thread. But I just wanted to say really DON'T judge "success" by an audi and a suit. Who's to say what makes a life well-lived or not. Who knows, he maybe was thinking "Gee she's married with beautiful kids, I feel like I've missed all that", he could be sick, he could be involved in a bitter divorce, he could be depressed OR he could be blissfully happy with what he's achieved, who really cares. The stuff you are seeing is so shallow. Don't judge him or yourself on it.

  2. #42
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    Sometimes I think it is the realisation that you haven't fulfilled what was the expectation of yourself that hurts.

    You had higher expectations of yourself and in a way implied from others a certain expectation of how your life should be. You are thinking of those expectations and are seeing you didn't achieve what you thought was destined to be. Almost an expectation that the world would deliver us everything we wanted.

    The guy you met had lower expectations (of maybe himself and from others), and you perceive he has done wonders because he is doing much better than you had ever expected.

    Unfortunately, life doesn't hand you what you think you are entitled to or expect. Instead you gained another life. Nothing wrong with the route you took you just need to rewire your thinking of what it is YOU want from life, away from societal expectations. Start small. Think of some small short attainable goals and get out there and do it. THen make some a bit longer planned. You'll be surprised how your perception in life changes when you have a goal.

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    happy wanderer  (05-02-2013)

  4. #43
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    I understand how you feel. Sometimes life turns out a little different then you had planned. I have had an incredibly difficult childhood and as a result have basically struggled with everything. I am now a single mother whose fob has just abandoned us . I have struggled with anxiety and depression , finances you name it. But I for my nursing degree shortly after ds and while things have sometimes been tough we have always had a roof over our head and my son has been fed and clothed. He is the light of my life and I'm very proud of how I've done it all by myself...he is applying to get a scholarship at a very prestigious school and I'm just so proud. Money can never buy those moments.

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    Default Re: Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    I completely 100% am with you. I made the wrong choice of uni degree straight out of high school and haven't found my feet yet.

    Working as a receptionist a couple of years a go, a guy from school came in looking for work. He said to me "what are you doing working as a receptionist, I thought you'd be a doctor or something". It deflated me terribly and still haunts me.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by lovepurplebutterflies View Post
    Why do you hate yourself...???...
    well.. basically I'm a lazy, unintelligent, unsocial waste of space. I love my children very much and am very selfless when it comes to them, but apart from that there is not much good about me really.

    I am the opposite to the op, in that I WAS that person who nobody expected anything from, including myself. I never though anyone would love me, and expected to be alone forever. Somehow I managed to get lucky and find a husband who has given me my life in my beautiful children. But I don't deserve anything I've got. I did nothing to deserve it, I didn't earn it.

  9. #46
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    Default Re: Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    well.. basically I'm a lazy, unintelligent, unsocial waste of space. I love my children very much and am very selfless when it comes to them, but apart from that there is not much good about me really.

    I am the opposite to the op, in that I WAS that person who nobody expected anything from, including myself. I never though anyone would love me, and expected to be alone forever. Somehow I managed to get lucky and find a husband who has given me my life in my beautiful children. But I don't deserve anything I've got. I did nothing to deserve it, I didn't earn it.
    No. You do deserve your husband and your beautiful children. Please don't think so negatively about yourself. I'm sure you are an awesome mum and wonderful wife.

    Sent from my GT540 using BubHub

  10. #47
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    Quote Originally Posted by babynomad View Post
    See ....... Writer!!!
    I was just thinking the same thing.

    happy wanderer - start blogging!

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  12. #48
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    Oh wow CazHazKidz you have made me cry ....if I could reach you through my phone I would give you a massive hugs...........((((((((HUGS))))))))

  13. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    well.. basically I'm a lazy, unintelligent, unsocial waste of space. I love my children very much and am very selfless when it comes to them, but apart from that there is not much good about me really.

    I am the opposite to the op, in that I WAS that person who nobody expected anything from, including myself. I never though anyone would love me, and expected to be alone forever. Somehow I managed to get lucky and find a husband who has given me my life in my beautiful children. But I don't deserve anything I've got. I did nothing to deserve it, I didn't earn it.
    This is really sad to read. You deserve everything you have and I don't believe any of the words you just said about yourself. Work through these feelings hun, you don't have to feel this way

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  15. #50
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    This is beside the point but reading this thread I'm really shocked by how many people feel inadequate after Facebook stalking!


 

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