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  1. #21
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    OP . I can understand how a run-in like that can make you feel inferior to this loser-cum-executive guy. Don't be fooled by the suit and expensive car, he might be a PA or EA sent out to fuel up the boss' car! People mixed up in drugs (not saying he still is) often became world-class liars, very believable and convincing. But if he was for real, then good on him! So nice to hear of someone turning around their lives for the better.

    It really saddens me to hear that young Mums don't feel they've accomplished anything. I'm with Shoopuf & Clementine. The priviledge and joy of motherhood far exceeds any material things and stuff money can buy.

    Old school acquaintances on my FB would consider my DH & I to be living it up. Me in an executive job with regular overseas trips, DH with his own successful company, built our dream home, drive new cars, go to concerts, have weekends away, etc. But they don't see our struggle to start a family. To them we look like a childless-by-choice couple with time & money to do anything we want. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they thought we were selfish show-offs. Yet I would walk out the front door with nothing but the clothes on my back if there was a guaranteed child in my future.

    Study, careers and money can come at any time, it is not too late for you to set and achieve life goals. My DH didn't start his company until he was 34. Until then he worked in pretty menial jobs, and at times multiple jobs. My ILs struggled all their lives and finally bought their first investment property when FIL was 60. Now he is 72 and they are very comfortable in their retirement.

    Please don't think you have nothing to offer your family & that you've done nothing with your life. You only have to look at your kids to know that isn't true . I hope you can find a sense of satisfaction in being a Mum for now, and use this incident as a trigger to start looking at your options career-wise.

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  3. #22
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    I feel the same sometimes, though I have made a lot of changes in the past couple of years, which have improved things.

    This year is my 10 year High School Reunion. A few years ago I thought about that and it freaked me out. I mean, what had I done since high school? I'd fallen pregnant at 18, mother at 19... broke up with her father, moved on with someone else. Got fatter and moved to another town. That's about all I'd done... and none of it was something you would feel good about telling someone. "Oh, I've done nothing except get knocked up as a teenager and put on weight." Especially when I was one of the kids who did well at school.

    So now, my life isn't fabulous and it's hardly gloat-worthy, but I feel a bit better about showing up the reunion now. I made the decision to do something to make sure I lost weight and regained my health. So now I'm smaller than I was at the end of high school. Last year I studied and got my diploma, which landed me a job. So now I'm working too. I got my license. Not a big deal for most, but I didn't get it until the start of last year... so without it, I'd have had to catch a taxi to the event, or get a lift or something. Lame.

    So, it's nothing amazing, but it's better than where I was... and I'm sure you can make some changes to get your life to a better place too.

    Start studying something that could land you a job you'd be happy to work in. Find a hobby and make time to enjoy it. etc etc. Just small changes can lead to bigger ones...

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  5. #23
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    Quote Originally Posted by risfaerie View Post
    Wanderer, I have been following your struggles on here lately. It really sounds like you have had a tough time of it the last few months!

    I too have had moments where a person from my past has exceeded what I thought was possible for them, and to be honest it does make you feel like sh!t when that happens! I have also wasted opportunities, and at times chosen short term enjoyment over hard work that could benefit me in the long term. But I was young, and I made the choices that I thought would be best for me. Like it or lump it, these choices have made me the kind of person I am today (soppy I know).

    Just because you have made choices in the past which in hindsight you regret now, does not mean that you have stuffed up. It means you made the choices that you made. And it does not mean that you will make the wrong choices now.

    I imagine that running into someone like that when you are going through such a rough time of it yourself at the moment would be like rubbing salt in an open wound. When you are already hurting so much it must be incredibly painful to hear that others are doing so well.

    When I read what you have dealt with, and how mature and together you have acted as you have approached situations that most people could not even imagine being in, I have thought that your kids must be so lucky to have a mum like you. Honestly.

    I really have no advice to offer, other than what has been said above. There are plenty of hubbers who are studying if you feel like that is an option. And there are plenty of working mums on here who can offer you advice on the best way to apply and interview for certain jobs. Use us!

    I really hope that you are feeling better about everything today.
    Risfaerie what a lovely post! xx

  6. #24
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    OP I am sorry you are feeling this way I agree with others about studying if that is achievable for you. Your post has made me realize a few things. I was signed up for a 2 year course by correspondence and I didn't complete it. I was planning my wedding which I only had 8 months to do, then fell pregnant 2 months after it, and was very sick. I have been working full time the entire time also. I asked for an extension which I was led to believe would be granted, but they have now declined. I am going to get on my computer now and see if I can turn that decision around. Thank you for your inspiration, even though I know it comes from a sad place for you. Hopefully you can use this person from your past as inspiration also. I guess it's all about our perspective and how we use experiences to define us. Best of luck xx

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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    ...
    Last edited by jade24; 04-02-2013 at 16:53.

  9. #26
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    I have a fantastic degree and all I want is a baby

    Risfaerie's post was wonderful x

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  11. #27
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    In 10 years time you could meet him again and you are wildly successful and he is unemployed and in bad health. Etc etc. who knows.

    Your life path is never set in stone. You are in charge of the course your life takes from this day forward.

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  13. #28
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    I felt a bit sheepish last night after I wrote my post. I chastised myself for being so self absorbed. I went to bed feeling blah but fell asleep quickly.

    I woke this morning to the wonderful testament to life that I found in the ga-ga chatter of my little one and the first thing I did was smile. The kind of smile that fills you up. And I realised I didn't feel hollowed out anymore.

    So while I was having my cup of tea, I wandered over my thoughts and caught myself being very critical and saying things to myself that aren't helpful. It's not a deliberate act - I kinda realised that I was thinking these things on autopilot and wasn't aware of it. I think the crux of my initial shame was that I'd dismissed this boy's (now man's) potential and, worse, in doing so I realised I'd dismissed my own. You can't get back time so when I looked at my age I was telling myself I'd missed the boat and let myself down.

    But you are dead right. I have only missed the boat if I'm dead. And I'm not. I am alive and I have my health. And I gave birth. (Which is the most mind blowing experience I have ever had).

    Today I'm motivated to change things. It's a space I obviously need to fill so I will take action. Not sure what I'm going to do but reading the responses has given me the boost I needed. Thank you all for sharing them with me.

    Much love.

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    I have not read the replies only the OP but wanted to say:

    The grass is not always greener on the other side. Just because people APPEAR to have it all, does not mean they do. Just because he drove a flash car, doesn't mean he OWNS it.. he could be in a tonn of debt, or it could be someone else's car.

    That's all I wanted to say.

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    Happy Wanderer, it sounds as though you bumped into that person on one of those days when you were feeling a little vulnerable about things and today have woken up with a bit of clarity. We all have periods of 'regret/envy/grass is always greener' at some stage whether we think it or not.

    Try and turn off that inner dialogue, it can be a killer! Here is a quote I have always liked and thought would be pertinent for you right now.

    "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future." (Fulton Oursler).

    Glad you're feeling better about yourself today. X

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