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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    I was walking out of the servo this afternoon when I bumped into a person I knew many, many years ago through school.

    Back then he was a labourer with no plans for the future. Well, apart from surfing. And drugs.

    As happens in life, we lost contact. And when we bumped into each other today, we exchanged cordial greetings. He was in a suit...and he drove an Audi...so I'm thinking (why, I don't know) that he must've won a surfing competition...

    But no, he's a hot shot academic now. And I nearly died. I was truly shocked. He then went onto mention another person that we mutually knew who is now a property tycoon and I was speechless.

    Then, for some inexplicable reason, I felt deflated and then deeply ashamed. As I got into the car, I carried the shame home and sat with it for a while, trying to work out why I was feeling this way.

    And what I eventually worked out was this:

    I shortchanged myself. And I am embarrassed that I have made nothing of my life. (This has nothing to do with DH and kids...that's separate...)
    This "loser" had really made something of himself and here am I, surviving on the poverty line in a new town and no prospects. I had opportunities in the past and squandered them. And all I have to offer my family is a fortnightly welfare payment. This isn't self pity. It's like a hollowed out feeling. Like finding out there's a huge party on and you haven't been invited but everyone else has. Like I've been betrayed. Which I guess I have. I've betrayed myself.

    Has anyone ever felt like this?

    It's why I'm up so late. This incident today has really blindsided me.




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  3. #2
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    I quite often feel like this... Totally sucks.

    I look at people I went to school with, there all in uni... Working.... partying it up..., buying houses... Driving nice cars AND then there's me... with my little family (I love dp and dd to the moon and back).
    Just looking at their lives on Facebook I feel deflated lol when really I shouldn't be feeling this as I have a beautiful daughter (which none of them have!)

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  5. #3
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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    Can you go study in a field you really want to work in? Many studying hubbers on here who you can get advice from.

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  7. #4
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    If there's one thing I've learnt in life through my endless failings and bad decisions, it's that no-one is defined by the job they do. Just because someone has a 'good' job and money doesn't mean they are successful, and happy. I don't have any sort of amazing career that impresses people but I also don't think people who do are better than me.

    I know plenty of 'not very smart' people who have good jobs! Maybe they were helped into the job and were supported into it! I know a guy (an ex of mine) who didn't have ANY qualifications as such when we were going out in my early 20's, but got this amazing job at a radio station just due to his charisma I presume (and contacts - very attractive and popular guy). He was totally lucky, not brilliant! He was also materialistic and very imperfect in other areas if his life. See what I'm saying...?

    Never say never! If you feel this way, then do something. It's sad when such young people think they missed their ticket in life! It's never too late to do something new!

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  9. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mummabearr View Post
    I quite often feel like this... Totally sucks.

    I look at people I went to school with, there all in uni... Working.... partying it up..., buying houses... Driving nice cars AND then there's me... with my little family (I love dp and dd to the moon and back).
    Just looking at their lives on Facebook I feel deflated lol when really I shouldn't be feeling this as I have a beautiful daughter (which none of them have!)
    Nooooooo! Don't pay attention to FB! People only ever post the good stuff on FB but trust me, no-ones life is perfect!!

    Iw and the people with the nice cars and houses, have huge mortgages!

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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    I understand how you feel. An ex of mine has this high paying job, property etc etc. BUT what I've learnt is he is incredibly materialistic, still has deep emotional issues, self centred etc

    I'm a sahm with a special needs son and I'm incredibly proud of the person I've become and my only goals are to raise a happy and healthy family. So all the things that he has accomplished aren't anything that I truly rate as important to me.

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  13. #7
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    Wanderer, I have been following your struggles on here lately. It really sounds like you have had a tough time of it the last few months!

    I too have had moments where a person from my past has exceeded what I thought was possible for them, and to be honest it does make you feel like sh!t when that happens! I have also wasted opportunities, and at times chosen short term enjoyment over hard work that could benefit me in the long term. But I was young, and I made the choices that I thought would be best for me. Like it or lump it, these choices have made me the kind of person I am today (soppy I know).

    Just because you have made choices in the past which in hindsight you regret now, does not mean that you have stuffed up. It means you made the choices that you made. And it does not mean that you will make the wrong choices now.

    I imagine that running into someone like that when you are going through such a rough time of it yourself at the moment would be like rubbing salt in an open wound. When you are already hurting so much it must be incredibly painful to hear that others are doing so well.

    When I read what you have dealt with, and how mature and together you have acted as you have approached situations that most people could not even imagine being in, I have thought that your kids must be so lucky to have a mum like you. Honestly.

    I really have no advice to offer, other than what has been said above. There are plenty of hubbers who are studying if you feel like that is an option. And there are plenty of working mums on here who can offer you advice on the best way to apply and interview for certain jobs. Use us!

    I really hope that you are feeling better about everything today.

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    Default Got a shock today (a thread about regrets)

    Hey Happy Wanderer. Fb is so misrepresentative of life- people create images on there which are so untrue of reality.
    The man you ran into might be in $100,000's of debt or even more- we don't know. Everybody looks good in a suit, and all that can be taken away in minutes. It's only appearances.
    We don't know if these people have private struggles, are lonely, are suffering from mental health issues, or what personal price they paid for the outward appearance of wealth.
    You are a good person and you are doing your best.
    It's really really hard right now but you are doing a fantastic job right now.
    You will get out of this.

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    I feel the same way. I am nearly 30 with no career and I worry my time is running out. I even enrolled to study externally (can't do it any other way) but couldn't juggle the study - which made me feel even worse about myself.
    I can't cope with three kids and study (and a lack of support) so I will have wait until they are a bit older, the thought of being mid-thirties before I even start makes me panic a bit - will it be too late?
    I try to console myself with the fact the rest of my life is really good.

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    Yes, I did. I'm a single parent who is currently living at home. I got knocked up by a dead beat and I've missed that oppotunity to have that beautiful family, the excitement of buying that first house with a partner. I feel like I threw all of that away.

    But- my time, my turn will come. Well, that's what I keep telling myself. Also, I will make it on my own. I have a plan in place and I will make it on my own.

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