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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    Hi ladies, so i have been doing placement for my uni course one day a week since november and DS (almost 2 years) has been hanging out with his much loved nanny one day a week while she took time of to be a carer for my nan who has since passed. His nans back at work now so we had to put DS into childcare for one day a week. He had orientation a couple of weeks ago and was very distraught, he cried for the full half hour i was gone. When I came back he seemed to cheer up and we sat together with the other kids and ate lunch etc.
    I made a huge deal about it and told him it would be so much fun, about all the songs and toys and kids, yummy food, when id be back and what we'd do after it.
    This week was his first near full day. Since then he has been a different kid. Apparently he cried on and off the entire time, wouldnt play with any other kids, didnt eat, wouldnt have water, wouldnt go to sleep. Also Im fairly certain they didnt put sunscreen on him despite being outside all morning and they didnt offer him any milk like i asked either. The other thing that annoyed me was that im not 100% sure they changed his nappy while I was gone either OH AND the room leader came up after the first girl told me he had cried on and off all day and told me a very different story she said he was fine as soon as you left, you can tell he hasnt been crying otherwise he'd have those big red puffy eyes....not sure why u felt the need to lie to me, if he cried he cried (sorry for the mini vent, im just concerned it may be like this all the time).

    What im really concerned about is that he is beyond clingy. He gets upset if i leave the room, wouldnt even have a shower with his dad (who he is very close with) not even while i stood in the bathroom with them, he pretty much cried all night even with me there and trying to get him to sleep seems out of the question. We've gone from 22 months of waking up multiple times a night to 2 months of only waking maybe once a week (even with 2 y.o molars popping through) and now back to him waking mutliple times and wanting to hold my hand while he sleeps. I've been trying to be loving and cuddly without going back too much on what we did to finally get him to the point of sleep where i could leave the room easily without him crying before drifting off to sleep. Unfortunately, he has started climbing out of his cot since childcare and landed on his head a couple of times, (were planning to take the side off tonight) so i dont want to just leave him and i know the next couple of weeks are going to suck because of all these changes. Ive sat and talked with him about it a few times but im not sure what else to do. i just feel lost, like all our hard work is unravelling, until the last two months my relationship was on the rocks, i was depressed, anxiety issues, went through a miscarriage and now being 6 months pregnant i dont want to go back to it all.

    Has anyone been through this, is there any advice i can get. He's not a security item kind of kid, ive tried and tried over and over again but it just dont work. Please be kind im kind of fragile at the moment!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    I would be worried about the centre you are using from some of the things you have mentioned.
    Could you look for a different centre in the area? Ask around and see what centres other parents recommend?

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    Default Re: Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    *hugs* it sounds like you've been through a lot.

    Is it possible to get your little man into a family day case instead? Maybe that type of setting would be more suited to him.

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  4. #4
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    Default Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    ((Hugs)) chin-up
    He's still at an age where he is learning that if mummy disappears, she comes back again! Don't be afraid to persevere for a few more tries at daycare.
    Also don't be afraid to reiterate your preferences to the centre about offering milk etc. remember they are getting used to him while he gets used to them too.

    Good luck x.

  5. #5
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    Default Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    Gosh.. U have had a lot on your plate! Big hugs!

    My 2yr old son recently started at childcare and is doing ok.. Although some change in behaviour... Suddenly he has started thinking pushing people is funny for example... Not great. But with new twins here (and the challenges that brings including the last few days in hospital with mastitis), I'm relieved we have it as an option.

    I think family day care might also be good, but u should persevere with the centre for a bit longer.. Friends have has issues for up to 6 weeks with their kids getting used to it, but eventually they love going. We did spend a month of getting used it it.. We'd go for just an hour at a time once or twice a week.. Our centre was fine with that as long as we remained there. We'd try to stay out of sight if DS1 was engaged in something but then reappear just so he knew we'd always come back.

    Any chance you could invite one or two of the kids (and their mums) there on his days over so he gets to bond a little in a more secure setting? As everyone picks up at different times u would need the centre help u get in touch, but if I heard a child was struggling, as a mum I'd do this to help).

    I think u need to remember that every child is different and what works for one won't for another. He sounds like such a lovely, sensitive little man, so he will probably be picking up on mummy's stress and turmoil in recent months which is compounding his own adjustments.

    No real answers just encouragement to try a few different tacts and to be patient.. Changes take a while to bed down and when ur at the end of ur rope it can feel like it is taking forever but it isn't really.

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    Default Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    I agree that you should look at family daycare as an option as maybe he might be more comfortable with a smaller group in someone's home environment.

    I also agree that the transition to daycare can take time and adjusting for all involved BUT if you are not happy with things at the center or get a bad feeling then trust your instincts!
    The reason I say this is that may daughter had happily been in daycare 2 days for over a year, lucky for me she adjusted very easily and loved it. Then we moved to a new town and I put her in the local daycare(there is only one in my town). Oh how I regretted it!!

    On the surface they seemed fine but I had constant problems with them. A few examples are her getting terrible nappy rash from them not changing her, feeding her dairy (she is intolerant) and letting her wonder around the center unsupervised! I could go on and on. Anyway I knew something wasn't right and she seemed so unhappy. Would cry on pick up and drop off and hated going. Everytime we went to get her there would be all these kids waiting at the gate :-(

    Anyway I pulled her out after 2 months and I drive her 15 mins to another town to daycare but its worth because its a great center and she loves it!

    So long story short trust your instincts and have a look at other options.

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    Sometimes it can take time for a child to get used to child care but to not use sunscreen, change nappies, offer milk and lie to you im sorry. I would be looking for other options.

  8. #8
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    Default Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    I've worked in the child care industry for 10 years. I am an honest child care worker but sometimes directors and educational institutions teach us to sugar coat things as not to stress parents out as we know sometimes starting child care can be hard for both mum and child/children.

    In saying that though, if you think they are neglecting your child then you should bring that up with the centre director. If you are still unsatisfied then you may need to look at other centres.

    I've seen some bad and good child care workers in my time and it is unfortunate but it happens.

  9. #9
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    Default Childcare has ruined everything!! Help

    Just read some of the other posts and agree that you should trusts your instincts if u feel something is wrong too... Not doing basic things like the sunscreen, milk and changing nappies is an issue. Raise it with the director as suggested. But still I think it is worth giving it a bit longer to adjust.. You just need to spend a bit more time there to check it out I think.

  10. #10
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    thanks so much for the kind replies. I really want to push through but I dont want him to be upset every week and I dont want to feel like im being lied to.

    Like i said i can understnad why they wouldnt want to force him to drink milk, or put on sunscreen, change him or get him to eat, sleep. When they are hysterical they are hysterical but to not try with some of these things I was upset. Particularly the sunscreen, its trivial i know but my nan died from melanoma last year.

    I gets that they dont want to upset mums but if they are willing to lie to me about that for no reason then Im wondering what else they will lie about. Its a lot of kids even with their ratio, there were about 26 in the room when I came to pick him up. I worry that maybe that will exacerbate DS being upset, so many kids, so many tantrums, so many fights and not sharing and so much crying. Everytime ive been its only been for 15 minutes and I left feeling so overwhelmed myself from the chaos. I would really love to do family care, especially for the price factor but I was only able to find one in my area and when I rang I couldnt understand her. I decided not to bother because my sons had a few language delays due to the lack of sleep.

    Just for what its worth, if there are any mums here from melbourne, particualrly around the northern suburbs who know of a care that is either family or has smaller group sizes please let me know.

    I think maybe he's just not ready for this particular setting and i'd really just like to see if taking him to another kind made any difference at all they wouldnt lie to me as well.


 

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