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  1. #1
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    Default The 'mom' blues

    Hi everyone

    This is a bit of a rant but I'm feeling down about this, and just really need to let it out and also perhaps hope to get advice on the matter.

    I'm about 10 weeks pregnant now and I'm not too bad emotionally except for one area - my mom. Now don't get me wrong - I don't hate her but she REALLY gets on my nerves. She's lives overseas so that's how we keep the peace, but she wants to come over when I have the baby and I'm freaking out. I'm trying to convince to come a bit later, like after the baby is born, because no way do I want her in my house when I'm in labour and I know I'll be very snappy and we'll probably fight often.

    I know she means the best, but I also know that every time we are in the same house for a few days, we fight and shout at each other and I get really stressed out. I'm worried about postnatal depression as well, cos while I'm not normally depressed, when she's around I get really snappy and angry and I really don't want to spend my first few weeks with the baby like that.

    Please tell me what I should do... I feel like I'm overreacting but she REALLY can get on my nerves, even if her intentions are good. Like she's sending my own cloth nappies that I used as a baby over to Australia via sea mail, which I told her I really don't want cos they're like old and smell like moth balls and are about 23 years old? And she keeps sending me snake soft toys for my child cos he/she will be born in the year of the Snake, whereas I'm a Christian and don't believe in this stuff, not to mention I don't want my child to have hundreds of snake toys! And she'll nag me about how to bring up my child, what I should and shouldn't do, what I should and shouldn't eat, etc.

    Anyway sorry for the rant, and I'm sorry to my mom too cos I really do care for her but it's sooooo hard to get along with her, plus I don't want to turn on her in my emotional times. Please give me your advice, ladies..

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    Default The 'mom' blues

    I'd just be honest with her. Tell her you appreciate the thought but need the first few weeks/months to bond with bubby and get the hang of feeding (breast or bottle!) so you're going to have to ask her to put the trip off till a later date. It's polite and appreciative but standing your ground. If she gets cranky that's not really your drama, she is after all an adult :-)

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    Default The 'mom' blues

    Quote Originally Posted by Aroha0509 View Post
    I'd just be honest with her. Tell her you appreciate the thought but need the first few weeks/months to bond with bubby and get the hang of feeding (breast or bottle!) so you're going to have to ask her to put the trip off till a later date. It's polite and appreciative but standing your ground. If she gets cranky that's not really your drama, she is after all an adult :-)
    I agree with this! If there is ever a time where you should be ok with putting yourself first, this is the time. I've told mine and DP's family that we'll have visitors when we are ready and have had time to bond with our new addition. They might not like it but I feel that our feelings and needs trump theirs in this.

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    Definately need to tell her or it is going to get the better of you

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    Thanks everyone... I come from an Asian background where I'm normally not supposed to tell my parents what to do. I told my mom once before and she got very offended, so I apologised and asked what she wanted, and it's back to her plans of coming before the baby is born again.

    I guess I will ask her again nicely, maybe send her a gift and put a note in there saying how much I appreciate her, but would only like her to come here later on to bond with her grandchild...

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    Default The 'mom' blues

    Don't ask her. Tell her. If she thinks there is a chance she will probably take it.

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    I was honest with my mum and said I didn't want her to be here when bub is born. I said that it would be very difficult to establish BFing, DS is going to need all of our attention that the baby doesn't have, and it would just plain make life difficult.

    She cracked the angries (even hung up on me which she never does) and wouldn't speak to me because she felt rejected.
    I've since invited her to come up for DS's birthday which is about 3 weeks after bub is going to be born and hopefully we'll at least she won't be in my face while I'm trying to cope with the idea of just getting home and trying to work out how things are going to happen with a pre-schooler to deal with as well.

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    Default The 'mom' blues

    Same as pp. just TELL her not ask, that for the first few weeks you want to be alone with DH to bond with your new baby, you will be tired and want to rest. You could also tell her that that rule applies to everyone, friends and other family, so that hopefully she won't see it as a personal attack on her.

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    I am asian too and can understand why you would not want your mum interfering with the way you want to parent, so many superstitions and traditions. I do think you have to be firm and tell her that you want the initial time to bond with your baby and do things your way (and your partner if you have one).
    By having her there it sounds like she will really stress you out. How about your dad or siblings? Will they be supportive of you and talk to your mum if she gets offended?

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    Default The 'mom' blues

    Maybe you could tell her that you will actually need her most after 3-4 weeks when all the excitement has died down and you're exhausted from the first weeks? See what I did there? Good luck to you!


 

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