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  1. #1
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    Default Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    Hi ladies.

    I just found out last week I am UTD. this came as a shock as my parter (of only a few months) and I have only DTD once this month, 10 days before AF was due!!

    Anyway he's not taking it too well. He suffers from pretty bad anxiety and depression and doesn't know if he wants this.

    I have two other children from a previous relationship and had been a single mother since my 2yr old was conceived!! So 3 years now!

    I have always been against the idea of termination, especially after two miscarriages in 2004. So I really can't bring myself to consider it let alone actually go and see if I could actually go through with it (which if I did I would insist my parter came with me!!)

    On the other hand... 3 kids by myself if he doesn't come around. It's going to be tough. And I don't have a lot of family support as it is. Let alone once I announce "whoops I did it again!"

    Any ideas or words of wisdom? We've only known a few days so I'm happy to allow him at least the next 6 months to come around. But then risk that he doesn't!? He does want kids and we've spoken about it - in an excited way - but since then he's had a bad turn anxiety wise. And now it's just too hard for him.

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    Default Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    You need to really decide what you want, because its ultimately your choice.
    I found out I was utd at a very young age my bf at the time stood by my decision to terminate to this day I have regretted that decision even though I know it was the right thing to do at the time. My second time utd the day I told my bf he left me, I have an amazing 10dd whom i couldn't live without. Now married and ttc we have recently suffered a misscariage which has gutted me.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that, if your not sure your other half is going to cope with this pregnancy, make your choice by thinking he may not be around, that way anything else is a positive. Good luck with your choice I know it's hard. Congrats on a bfp as well.

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    Default Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    How old is your DP? If he's young I'd give him more time to come around.

    Bottom line though is you have to make a decision based on the worst case scenario: that DP will not come round. What could you do to make it easier/more manageable if raising 3 kids alone? Does your first children's father help out with care? What financial assistance is available to help you support 3 kids?

    Best of luck.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    wktz  (01-02-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by tully78 View Post
    You need to really decide what you want, because its ultimately your choice.
    I found out I was utd at a very young age my bf at the time stood by my decision to terminate to this day I have regretted that decision even though I know it was the right thing to do at the time. My second time utd the day I told my bf he left me, I have an amazing 10dd whom i couldn't live without. Now married and ttc we have recently suffered a misscariage which has gutted me.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that, if your not sure your other half is going to cope with this pregnancy, make your choice by thinking he may not be around, that way anything else is a positive. Good luck with your choice I know it's hard. Congrats on a bfp as well.

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    God I hate it when Men say they don't want a baby, well they should not be having sex then!! Anyway back on topic, hope you come to a decision you are happy and at peace with xx

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    Default Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    I haven't seen the father of my other two since he left 3years ago (never even met my 2yr old!)

    My current partner is 27. Never married. No other kids etc. so he's young.

    I'm hoping he does come around.

    I just tested myself and googled Marie stopes. Couldn't even read about it! No way I'm going to be able to attend an appointment let alone follow through!!

    I need a cigarette and a Valium! Lol. So doesn't help that I've quit smoking a week ago and just come off antidepressants since finding out!!

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    Have a chat to your dr about the AD's you may benefit from going back on

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    Default Re: Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    How old is your DP? If he's young I'd give him more time to come around.

    Bottom line though is you have to make a decision based on the worst case scenario: that DP will not come round. What could you do to make it easier/more manageable if raising 3 kids alone? Does your first children's father help out with care? What financial assistance is available to help you support 3 kids?

    Best of luck.
    This...
    Also, the most important factor in this is your 2 children that you already have. How are you coping with them now? When you were single? Would they be disadvantaged if you have another, possibly as a single mum? Could you afford another alone, in the case fob doesn't stick around or pay child support?
    If fob leaves you, do you think he will be in bub's life? Do you think you will be okay if he isn't?

    You have to ask yourself so many questions, it's not an easy decision. I suggest you see a counsellor to help you work this out.

    Good luck

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    Default Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    He does want a baby.

    His anxiety is acting up and he's convinced himself it's not a good time (which I suppose it's not - but it's happened). And like I said we've DTD once this month. 6days after my app said I should have ovulated! And it's the only time we've done it where he hasn't pulled out or worn a condom. I mean COME ON!!

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    Default Confused. Not sure what to think/do

    I was in a similar situation aside from having kids prior. Had only been seeing FOB for 4 months before I fell pregnant. He was dead against me keeping the baby, but I couldn't have a termination. We tried to make it work but when DD was 3 months off 2yo, I left him. We have 50/50 shared care of DD now and while he's a deadest pr!ck, he's a good dad and loves DD. He also has mental health issues but refuses to see anyone about it.


 

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