I feel so stressed, tired and just flustered today. Some days I can keep it together and some days like today I just get so stressed! Feel like I need a serious break, feel like crying out loud, feel like digging a hole and hide!
The worst thing is that I dont even have someone that I can talk to about my feelings or chat about how sh*t my day is. All my friends work funny hours and lives hours apart (we moved since I got pregnant and have grown apart since I had kids) and my family lives in NZ.
I have only DH to talk to, but as much as he wants to understand how I feel, he doesnt. He would take things I say personally, eg if i tell him how busy i have been, he would think i am saying that he does nothing. We just end up in arguements and stress me out even more.
Everyday, not just today, I wake up at 5am to feed my 3month old, trying to put her back to sleep while my 2 year old screams for my morning cuddles. When I cant attend to him immediately he just screams usually waking up my 3 months old and both end up crying.
DS screams while I make his breakfast, he screams for cuddles, want to watch Hi 5 (i turn it on, he whinges, i turn it off he whinges, he wants to watch hi 5, i turn to hi 5, he still whinges because he wants me to dance with him and then he would still whinge because he wants me to pickhim up and hold him while i dance along with hi 5). i give him breakfast he has a few spoon full and I quickly shove down my breakfast, then he whinges wanting to go to the park, if i say no or later or soon he screams. i wash the dishes while trying to keep him entertained. then i try to do some work (dh and I work from home) while DS cries wanting to sit on my lap, stand on my work desk, play with my computer, write on my book, want me to draw him pictures, tempering with the printer. It takes me seriously an hour to do a job that could have been done in 20 min. I am wrestling with him the whole time while i am trying to work! Then my 3 month old wakes up, i need to drop everything and go and tend to her, give her a feed change her whatever, talk to her a bit while DS follows me around and jumps on my bed and trying to play with power cords, so I try to feed DD and keep DS occupied at the same time, usually he would scream while I am feeding because he wants something and I cant give it to him there and then.
Then i put DD down on the rocker and get DS some morning tea, DD then starts crying, so I go back and pick DD up from the rocker while DS finally behaves for 15 minutes. Then we go to the park, and come home both kids asleep!! OMG that hour of my day is my lifesaver!!
While they are asleep I cook lunch and by the time I finished cooking and some washing they both awake. and then I dont even know how I spend the following 3 hours! both screaming in my ear, trying to breastfeed DD and then entertain DS, running around the house like a mad woman. AND trying to do my work at the same time! We have 2 online stores and we pack so many packages a day also replying emails and talking to suppliers. I feel like I have no time to breath! Then DH goes out to do postage and he would take DS with him, so I can have a break, but I dont get a break because DD usually is very unsettled during that time of the day. After finally settling her, I need to cook, then DH and DS comes home to eat, then I do the dishes, then bath DD and shower with DS (I dont even get to shower alone or go to the bath room alone!)
Then 7pm comes, DH puts DS to bed and I put DD to bed and boy I look forward to that time of the day! Then DS still wakes up once a night and DD wakes up hourly from 7pm to 11am then she sleeps through till 5am and the day starts all over again.
Today with all that going on + I was trying to clean the toilet and put away some toys and do some washing and clean the floor and plan meals ad reconciliate accounts.....URGGGHHH!!!
When I talk to DH about it he feels offended. I know hes working too, constantly packing all day. But I still feel resentment towards him. I resettle both kids at night, I do work after they are asleep while he plays xbox or watches TV or surfing the net. I do work at night so that the next day I dont have so much work to do so I can watch the kids and do the rest of my work, while he does work. I usually finish working at 12am!
Even coming up on bubhub I have to do it quickly during my toilet break or in the mid of the night!
Sorry for those who has the patience to read all this this is a long vent!
Tell me i am not alone...!